


Textually Active

by lekhak



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Friendship, Hella dank memes, Humor, Kink Shaming, Multi, Sexual Humor, Texting, black brothers, light angst for added spice, lots of swearing, with little bit of narration sprinkled around
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2018-11-12 15:59:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 68,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lekhak/pseuds/lekhak
Summary: (ᵔᴥᵔ):is2g imma fight him✿ Moonpie ✿:Do not fight the fucking cat, Sirius.(ᵔᴥᵔ):IMMA THROW HANDS (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻





	1. We Dem Bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Moony:** Who are dem bois?
> 
>  **srs:** We Are All Dem Bois.
> 
>  **Moony:** Sometimes it feels like we don't even speak the same language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** IMPORTANT NOTE: **
> 
> This story is better read on a computer because for some reason, the emoticons go blank on the phone and that makes me sad. 
> 
> I hope you like reading it as much as I loved writing it!

**Jams created “Marauders.”**

**Jams added pettigrew, srs and Moony to “Marauders.”**

**Jams:** i think i have separation anxiety

 **Jams:** it hasnt eve been one day and i miss you guys :(

 **Jams:** even*

 **pettigrew:** you sap <3

 **srs changed group name to “We dem bois.”**

**Moony:** Who are dem bois?

**srs: shared a photo.**

****

**Moony:** I swear to god

 **Moony:** Sometimes it feels like we don’t even speak the same language.

* * *

 **pettigrew:** we need nicknames

 **Jams:** we already have them, /wormtail/

 **pettigrew:** let me rephrase then

 **pettigrew:** we need better nicknames than the ones you and sirius came up with in grade one, /prongs/

 **srs:** *GAAAAASP*

 **srs:** HOW DARE YUO SKUM!

 **Moony:** Scum*

 **srs:** MOON MOON NOW ISNT TH ETYM TO BE ADORABLY ANNOYING

 **Jams:** ATFER EVERYTHIGN ME AND SIRIUS HAVE DONE FOR YOU

 **Jams:** THIS IS HOW YOU TREAT US

 **pettigrew:** you have done literally zero (0) things for me

 **srs:** whut about dat time when i helped you in the exam you shit

 **Moony:** You were intentionally telling him the wrong answers.

 **pettigrew:** ^^

 **srs:** *GAAAAAASPPP* yoo are mEANT 2 B ON MY SIDE

 **Moony:** Can everyone stop with the capitals? It’s giving me a headache

 **srs:** *kisses your forehdea and boops ur nose*

 **srs:** sorry boo

 **Jams:** how the fuck did you manage to spell forehead like that

 **srs:** i type very fastt

 **pettigrew:** you also type very stupid

 **pettigrew:** anyway

 **pettigrew:** back to nicknames

 **pettigrew:** we need new ones

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** ive updated mine B)

 **Moony:** Who

 **Moony:** Never mind. Of course its Sirius.

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** ill update yorus too moon moon!

✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Why.

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** bC YR A BEAUTFUL FLOWER 

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** gentl and innocent

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** uwu

 **Pottyhead:** he could literally rip you into two with no effort 

 **Pottyhead:** diD YOU CHNAGE MJ NAME TOO

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** uwu

 **pettigrew:** lmaooooo

 **Pottyhead:** dont you fucikng uwu me you shithead!!!!!

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** shouldn hav made me admin, James P. B) 

 **Pottyhead:** I made everyone admin, you hoe!!!!!!!!

 **Pottyhead:** Because I am ///nice///

 **(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** and look where dat got u

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** imm now the sole admin B))

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Ooh! I have a nickname for Pete!

 **pettigrew:** don't you dare lupin

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Can I be admin for two seconds?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ofc moonpie!

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Pretty please? (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Oh! Lol that was easy

 **Pottyhead:** you 

 **Pottyhead:** i

 **Pottyhead:** i dont know which one of you is more oblivious

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:**???

 **Noodle d00d:** it's definitely remus 

 **Noodle d00d:** REMUS YOU PIECE OF TURD

 **Noodle d00d:** I TRUSTED YOU

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** wha is this

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** y's he noodle d00d???

 **Pottyhead:** is this a eufimisn for peter's dick?

 **Noodle d00d:** euphemism*

 **Noodle d00d:** i find it very hard to be insulted by someone who can barely spell

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** No, this is between Pete and I (¬‿¬)

 **Noodle d00d:** i hate you so much

 **Noodle d00d:** you don't deserve flowers in your username

 **Noodle d00d:** when you're literally the devil's spawn

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i luv him alil more when hes so nefarious 

 **Pottyhead:** nepharious*

**Noodle d00d: shared a photo.**

****

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** LMAOOOO WHAT KINDA SELF DRAG JAMESS

 **Pottyhead:** WHAT!?!?!? WHAT DID I DO NWO??

* * *

  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** JSUT DO IT

 **Pottyhead:** DO IT

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** DO IT DO IT D OIT NOW

 **Pottyhead:** LICK IT GOOD

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** NOPE

**Moony has removed srs and Jams from "We dem bois."**

**Noodle d00d:** thanks

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** No worries, mate. 

* * *

**Baemus Lupin <3 <3**

**srs:** MOONY IM VERY REMORSEFUL PLESAE TAKE ME BACK

 **Moony:** I think you need some time off

 **Moony:** to reflect on your behaviour.

 **srs:** bt moony

 **srs:** :(

 **Moony:**?

 **srs:** :((

 **srs:** :(((

 **srs:** reeeeeeeeeemmmmmuuuuuuussssss

 **srs:** dotn do this to me

 **Moony:** I’ll add you back to the group if you send me one text with zero grammatical, spelling or punctuation mistakes.

 **srs:** …ill wiat fo ryou to forgive me

 **Moony:** Is it really so hard for you?

 **srs:** IT MESSSES WIHT MY AESTHETIIC MOONEY

 **srs:** moony*

 **Moony:** …that’s not the only typo in there

 **srs:** tis the ohnly one that matters :)

 **Moony:** :))))))))

 **Moony:** You nerd.

* * *

**Moony added srs and Jams to “We dem bois.”**

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** I have important things to share.

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **: shared a[video](http://ranawaytotelltheworld.tumblr.com/post/138424730543/just-an-otter-cuddling-its-baby).**

 **Jams:** ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

 **Noodle d00d:** ahhhhh! MY HEART!!!!

**srs: shared a photo.**

****

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Oh, your names went back to default!

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Hang on!

 **Mr. Evans:** I HIGHKEY APPROVE OF THIS NEW CHANGE

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Y DOES POTTYHAED GET A NEW NAME

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Y NOT ME

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** I like your name. It suits you.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oh

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oky :)))

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** :)))

 **Noodle d00d:** **༼** **º** **ل** **º** **༼** **º** **ل** **º** **༼** **º** **ل** **º** **༽** **º** **ل** **º** **༽** **º** **ل** **º** **༽**

 **Mr. Evans:** honestly, same

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** What does that even mean?

 **Noodle d00d:** you wouldn’t know if it was right in front of you

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** …it /is/ right in front of me and I genuinely don’t get it.

 **Mr. Evans:** exactly.

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:**???

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Why are you both so fucking vague?

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Anyway, I have more to share.

 **Noodle d00d:** *drum roll*

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** He’s coming!

 **Mr. Evans:**!!! Whos is he gonna be!!!

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** Here he comes!!

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): !!!!!!!!!!**

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **: shared a photo.**

****

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** IAM SCREAMING OH NY GOD

 **Mr. Evans:** **▄** **︻** **̷̿** **┻** **̿** **═━** **一**

 **Noodle d00d:** **┻━┻** **︵** **ヽ** **(`Д´)** **ﾉ** **︵** **┻━┻**

 **Noodle d00d:** fUCKIN FIGHT ME LUPIN

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** my EYES!!!

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Remus Lupin you r banend from this conversaition!

* * *

 **Noodle d00d:** hey

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

****

**Noodle d00d:** nvm, fucking bye

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

**✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****   **shared a photo.**

**Noodle d00d:** remus, i trusted you

 **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****   **shared a photo.**

**Noodle d00d has left "We dem bois."**

* * *

**Mr. Evans:** aKJHSDHOEND

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** KJHjlKAJSd?

 **Mr. Evans:** AJKSLLKJDJPSS

**Moony added pettigrew to "We dem bois."**

****✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****  **Please translate for me. 

 **Noodle d00d:** ummmmmm

 **Noodle d00d:** lily posted a selfie? and she looks amazing?

 **Mr. Evans:** aKHAJSDLSHDNMN KCJXLIUHCNA:OSIJCLNSDM 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** How the hell did you understand that?

 **Noodle d00d:** years of patience and hard work 

 **Noodle d00d:** and extensively studying prongs and padfoot text-speak

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** **shared an Instagram post.**

**Mr. Evans:** oH MY GOD I AM DEAD

 **Mr. Evans:** D-E-A-D

 **Mr. Evans:** I just???? I don't get it/???? Not only is she fucking gorgeous like ethereally gorgeous 

 **Mr. Evans:** but she's also so fucking smart???? I swear to god ever ytime she lays down a well thought out roast on me

 **Mr. Evans:** i die a little bit inside and maybe also get very turned on???? 

 **Mr. Evans:** but thats not the point

 **Mr. Evans:** THE POINT IS

 **Mr. Evans:** HOW THE HELL IS SHE EVEN REAL???? HOW IS SHE A REAL HUMAN BEING THAT EXISTS?

 **Mr. Evans:** AND MORE THANT HAT SHES ALS

 **Mr. Evans:** wait

 **Mr. Evans:** DID YOU ALL TURN ON YOUR READ RECEIPTS JUST SO YOU COULD IGNORE ME????

 **Mr. Evans:** WHAT KIDN OF NEXT LEVEL PETTY????

 **[** ✓ **Read 6:32pm]**

* * *

 **Mr. Evans:**  (ง'̀-'́)ง

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  ✧･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 **Mr. Evans:**  (◕‿◕✿)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** (ᵔᴥᵔ)

 **Mr. Evans:**  (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****  **Why are you both like this?

* * *

 **Noodle d00d:** so are we just going to ignore sirius' BIGASS hand kink?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** UO SHTU YOUR FACE BISH

 **Mr. Evans:**  its very hard to ignore

 **Mr. Evans:** when he keeps sending you a certain someone’s creepy hand pictures

 **Mr. Evans:** like so...

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** DOTN DO IT JAMES I BEG YOU I WILL LICK YOUR SHOIES DONT

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a screenshot.**  

> **BFF <3:** 
> 
> **BFF <3: **nnnnnnghhhhhhh

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** Unfriended. Blocked. Reported.

 **Noodle d00d:**  at least that got him to spell properly.

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** [Raedd 4:56]

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** This is news to me???

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** He has never sent me any creepy pictures

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** I thought we were FRIENDS, Sirius!

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** …

 **Noodle d00d:**...

 **Mr. Evans:**...

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i crave daeth™

 **Noodle d00d:** (>ლ)

* * *

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Wait, are those my hands?

 **Mr. Evans:** fuckin finally 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** But that makes no sense?

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** My hands are all scarred up and ew?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** shut the fukc up

* * *

**Sirius' fanboying centre**

**srs** ** **:**** so i tihnk we've established today that he doesn't like me

 **pettigrew:** almost didn't make any typos 

 ** **srs:**** im too sad to typo right now

 ** **srs:**** he had all the evidence he could have possibly needed 

 ** **srs:**** im pretty sure i developed a hand kink just for him

 ** **srs:**** and he doesn't want me back 

**srs changed group name to "Sirius' grieving centre."**

**Jams:** i always thought he was in loev with you too

 **Jams:** i honestly don't know what the fuck just happened

 **Jams:** he didn't even fuckin acknowledge ti?

 **Jams:** did he DM you about it?

 **srs:** nope

 **srs:** ahhhh i feel like im gonan get a heart attack

 **srs:** my chest is all weird and achy

 **pettigrew:** you guys are forgetting who we're talking about here

 **pettigrew:** remus is 99.99% insecurities

 **pettigrew:** hes probably lying in a corner crying 

 **pettigrew:** and thinking this was osme way for you both to make fun of him or something

 **pettigrew:** hes pretty dumb when it comes to things like this

 **Jams:** ^^ tru 

 **srs:** why is this such a big deal tho?

 **srs:** so what?? he's still my friend and that's all that should matter right?

 **srs:** he has every right not to be into me but im just

 **srs:** i feel very dumb right now lol

 **pettigrew:** you need to be direct with him sirius

 **pettigrew:** you know how clueless he gets when it comes to this stuff

 **srs:** not trying to be dramatic 

 **srs:** but i think i would honestly die if rejected me again

 **pettigrew:** but he didnt reject you???

 **pettigrew:** i am SO sure he doesn't even know what that picture meant 

 **pettigrew:** and that you like him back

 **srs:** i cant right now

 **srs:** i just

 **srs:** cant

 **pettigrew:** thats okay. take your time <3 

 **srs:** gayyyyyyy

 **Jams:** **sent a voice note.**      

> _{Mrs. Potter: Hello, Sirius! James told me you weren't doing too well. Don't worry,_  beta,  _everything will turn out alright. Remember that story I told you about_ Rajni?  _Just remember that. No matter how hard things are right now, you just have to keep going forward and pray. God has a way of making things okay in the end. Love you,_ beta. _}_

**Jams:** lolol she had to make thngs religous 

 **srs:** **sent a voice note.**  

> _{Sirius: I love you so much too, Mrs. P._ *sniff*  _I, um, I'm okay. Just a li'l sad. I'll be perfect tomorrow, I promise.}_

**srs:** thanks guys

 **srs:** i think im gonna head ot bed now

 **Mr. Evans:** <3 

 **pettigrew:** <3 <3 

* * *

**We dem bois**

**Noodle d00d: shared a[video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMgcHv-HGCY).**

**Jams has removed pettigrew from "We dem bois."**

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** NO BRIMG HIM BAKC I WANNA FIGHT DAT HOE!@!!!!!

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** MY EARSS SAKDNM

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Would it hurt you to type properly for once in your life?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i Dont’ cofORM oT rules! I AM A REBEL

 **Mr. Evans:**  so you basically conform to rules of non-conformists by not conforming to the rules of the conformists?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** shUT YOUR FUCK JAMES POTTY ｡゜(｀Д´)゜｡

* * *

**Sirius' grieving centre**

****srs:**** who wants to gt skype drunk with me??????

 **pettigrew:** is this because of yesterday

 **srs:** what yesterday?

 **srs:** im over it

 **srs:** im already crushing on someone else

 **srs:** someone whos name doesnt rhyme with remus lupin

 **Jams:**...you literally just wrote his name 

 **srs:** whoops lmao

 **srs:** im already a coupe shots in

 **pettigrew:** why does his texting get better the more drunk he gets?

 **Jams:** honestly have no idea

* * *

**We dem bois**

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Listen up, Remus John Lupin. 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** We need to talk. 

 **Mr. Evans:** *grabs popcorn*

 **Mr. Evans:** here we go

 **Noodle d00d:** you sure you wanna do this drunk buddy?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** Don't tell me what to do, Pettigrew. 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Why is he typing like that?

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Are you drunk?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Of course, I am. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Now shut up and listen.

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** You are an incredibly shit human being, Remus John Lupin. You are very, very stupid and dumb and fucking oblivious. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** No, I lied. You're perfect. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** You're really 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** I'm so drunk

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** I can't English right now

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** James, what's the word for  _sohna_ in English?

 **Mr. Evans:** lmao beautiful

 **Mr. Evans:** how the fuck do you remember your fourth language and not english lmao?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** You're very beautiful, Remus John Lupin. And you're very kind. Sometimes, you're too kind and you give away way too much of yourself away to people who don't deserve it. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** You were the first person to ever treat me like Sirius, and not Sirius Black. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** And I think I fell in love with you right then. You're the only person I've ever loved. 

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** And GOD, I've loved you so hard, for so long, I don't know who I'd be without you anymore.

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** But you're so insecure that you can't even SEE that I haven't been buying you fucking roses and chocolates and taking you for fucking candle-light dinners on Valentine's Day out of pity.

 ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):************ I love you, Remus John Lupin. And if you don't love me back, that's okay too. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Just as long as I have you in my life, I'll be content. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******...

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** You can say something now. 

 **Mr. Evans:** THAT WAS FUCING BEAUTIFUL I AM LITERALLY CRYING I HAVE ACTUAL LITERAL TEARS IN MY EYES

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Not you, jackass. 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Let's talk when you're not drunk anymore, okay?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** Okay.

* * *

**☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼**

**Moony:** Are you up yet?

 ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼**** : **m ded

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **m nevr drinking again

 **Moony:**..............................................

 **Moony:** um

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **still remmber what i said, moony

 **Moony:** oh okay. 

 **Moony:** Good.

 **Moony:** That's good.

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **lmao dont get so awkward jfc

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **i told u

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **its k if u dnt love me back

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **just say it so i can

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **idk hav some closure or smth

 **Moony:** I do!

 **Moony:** love you back i mean

 **Moony:** i just 

 **Moony:** yesterdya i was worried you were drunk and didnt know what you were talking about

 **Moony:** i just wanted to give yoi an out and be sure 

 **Moony:** that idk it wasnt just alcohol talking or whatevr

 **Moony:** becase i don't think i'd be able to take that 

 **Moony:** fuck i really really really care for you

 **Moony:** and i just wanted to be sure that YOU are suree too

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : **youre typing like me

 **Moony:** sry my hadns are shaking too much

 ** ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼****** : sent a voicenote.**  

> _{Sirius: Um. Hey. This is easier, isn't it? Fuck, I think I'm getting a heart attack. I just...wanted to say that it wasn't the alcohol talking. I think I get more sober the more I drink? It makes no sense, I know but that's not what I'm here to talk about. Just...It wasn't the alcohol talking. I-Um. This is more embarrassing like this, god._ *Sigh*  _I love you. A lot. I used to just "like" you back in first grade, but I think the past few years have just been me loving you very intensely. A-and I'm not sure where to go from here.}_

**Call connecting with ** **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine **☼...********

"Fuck, fuck,  _fuck,"_ Sirius mumbled, nearly dropping the vibrating phone in his surprise. Quickly swiping a nerves wet finger on his screen, he put his phone to his ear and stuttered out, "H-hi, Moon-moon. Didn't expect you to call me." 

"I love you s-so much," Remus said, and his voice sounded heavy, laden with emotions. He breathed out a wet laugh and sniffled. "Fuck, I don't know why I'm crying but I never knew you'd be so good with your words. I've been crying since last night, actually, so thank you for that, arsehole."

"Remus, stop, you're making  _me_ cry," Sirius answered, tone wobbly. He never had been able to control his emotions when it came to Remus. "Oh my god, we're such dorks."

Remus laughed again. "Yeah, we are." 

"So where do we go from here?" 

"I don't know," Remus replied. "But we'll figure it out." 

"Together?" Sirius asked, feeling uncharacteristically shy. 

"Together," Remus said, and Sirius could hear his smile. 

* * *

**We dem bois**

**Mr. Evans:**...

 **Noodle d00d:** I AM DYING TO KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING IT HAS BEEN TWO DAYS WHAT THE FUCK WHAT IS HHJKSFMNS

 ** **Mr. Evans:**** ^^^^^^^^^

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Shit, sorry

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** We were so wrapped up in each other, we completely forgot to update you guys lol

 **Mr. Evans:** ≧☉_☉≦

 **Mr. Evans:** "wrapped up in each other"

 **Mr. Evans:**.....dare i hope

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** dont b a perve

 **Noodle d00d:**????????????

 **Noodle d00d:** can i get a direct answer before i fucking die???????????????????

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** i didnt see yu ask a direct fuckin question either lil guy???

 **Noodle d00d:** ARE YOU AND REMUS A THING OR NOT???

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** DON'T CHEAPEN WHAT REMUS AND I HAVE

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** WE'RE NOTA """""THING"""""""""""" 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** WERE IN LOVE WIHT EACH OTHER

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** (✿´‿`)

 **Mr. Evans:** OH MY GODISJFND<MFBC<D

**Jams changed group name to "WOLFSTAR IS REAL KASHDBCSAKL."**

**Noodle d00d: shared a gif.**

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** wut is wolfstar

**Mr. Evans: shared a gif.**

****✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Why am even I friends with you all?

 **Noodle d00d:** because you lurveeeee us

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** especially me :))))))))))))

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** :)))))))))))))))))

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **: (****** づ￣ ³ ￣)づ

 **Mr. Evans:** THATS SO GROSS <3 <3 <3 

 **Noodle d00d:** AKSHMNSC <3

* * *

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** when are we going to unlokc the backstory for noodle d00d btw??

 **Noodle d00d:** is2g dont doi t remus 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** :)

 **Noodle d00d:** REMUS 

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

****

******✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****  shared a video.****

********✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:******** shared a photo.**

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** hOLY SHIT ISTHAT?????ASHDNCMS

 **Mr. Evans:** MY EYES MY EYES SPRAY MY EYES WITH OLY WATER HOLY SHIT SHF<MEM F

 **Noodle d00d:** DUCK YOU FUCK YOU SO HARD OIAHSKMFNC 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Beta means "son" in Punjabi.
> 
> 2\. The story of Rajni is a Sikh story and Mrs. Potter's dialogue has been translated and plagiarized from my grandma.
> 
> 3\. Why do you think Peter's called Noodle d00d? Don't forget to leave your thoughts in the comments!
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	2. James P. Left Buckass Naked After This Exposé

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **✿ Moonpie ✿:** James Potter. 
> 
> **✿ Moonpie ✿:** You’re going to regret your entire existence after I’m done with you.
> 
> **srs changed Moony's name to "Master Lupin."**
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ✿✿＼(｡-_-｡) I got yo flowers baby kick his ass 

**Jams changed group name to "Remus Lupin #Exposed."**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****????? 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** What is happening?

 **Noodle d00d:** don't act all innocent now moony 

 **Noodle d00d:** you know what is happening

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** But consider this, 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** if I knew what was happening, why would I ask???

 **Mr. Evans:** dont sass us boy

 **Mr. Evans:** weve had enough of yor tyranny 

 **Mr. Evans:** you tirant!

 **Mr. Evans:** you act like such a perfect angel when you actually tyrani us!

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** You just spelled the same word three different ways.

 **Mr. Evans: i**  know, im hoping at least one of them is right 

 **Noodle d00d:** DONT GET DISTRACTED SOLDIER WERE HERE ON A MISSION

 **Mr. Evans:** YES SORRY THE MISSION

 **Mr. Evans:** Remus Lupin, you EXPOESD PETER BY SHOWING US THAT GROTESQUE VIDEO THAT I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT

 **Noodle d00d:** and you told Lily about the ten imaginary kids James has planned

 **Noodle d00d:** you told her their NAMES

 **Mr. Evans:** not imaginary, they are our future* kids 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** yo wut the hell

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** y are you gangign up on my moon moon

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** No, it's okay. Let them say what they have to say. 

 **Noodle d00d:** KAY I'LL START

 **Noodle d00d:** lets go back to pre-wolfstar era for this one

 **Noodle d00d:** MOONY DO YOU HAVE AN EXHIBITION KINK YOU NEED TO TALK TO US ABOUT?????

 **Noodle d00d:** is2g the number of times i've walked into you fucking in hallways

 **Noodle d00d:** and fuCKING STAIRWAYS OH M Y GOD 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** nopity nope npoe

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** add me when youre not talkign about my man frickle frackling wiht other people

**srs has left the group.**

**Noodle d00d:** thats just unhygienic remus

 **Mr. Evans:** weve probably seen your dick just as much as sirius has at this point

 **Noodle d00d:** **shared a photo.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** I DONT HAVE ANY EXHIBITIONISM KINK OKAY???

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** WE JUST GOT HORNY IN UNFORTUNATE PLACES

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** AND IT WASNT LIKE WE COULD GO BACK TO THE DORMS BECAUSE ROOMATES????

 **Mr. Evans:** ohohohoooo wouldnt you just loooove that 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I can't believe it. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I'm friends with an actual two year old. 

 **Mr. Evans:** shut up this is your roast not mine

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Alright then, go on. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I have things to do. 

 **Noodle d00d:** thats it.......................................

 **Mr. Evans:** youre like hella boring

 **Mr. Evans:** this is all we could come up with

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Weak. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Okay then, my turn to shine. 

**Moony added srs to "Remus Lupin #Exposed."**

**Moony changed group name to “James P. Left Buckass Naked After this Exposé.”**

**✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Pete, I’m gonna let you go because I deserved it from you.

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**  But James Potter.

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  You’re going to regret your entire existence after I’m done with you.

 **Noodle d00d:**  Thank you, Master Lupin, I’m so sorry I ever listened to James Potter and conspired with him

 **Mr. Evans:**  NO I TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID PLEASE IM SORRY DON’T DO THIS TO ME IM JUST AN INNOCENT LITTLE FLOWER

**srs changed Moony’s name to “Master Lupin.”**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ✿✿＼(｡-_-｡) I got yo flowers baby kick his ass

 **Master Lupin** **:** Thanks babe  <3

 **Master Lupin** **:**  I understand you have no concept of personal space, Jimothy Potty

 **Noodle d00d:**  Here we go lmao

 **Master Lupin** **:** no matter how many times I try to explain it to you.

 **Master Lupin** **:** And I’ve accepted that.

 **Master Lupin** **:** We’ve all accepted that after every fucking match

 **Master Lupin** **:** you’re going to stick your stinky gross body to us

 **Master Lupin** **:**  without ever taking a fucking shower.

 **Master Lupin** **:** But can you at least respect your own privacy??

 **Master Lupin** **:** There is literally nothing about you that I don’t know.

 **Master Lupin** **:** I DON’T NEED TO KNOW HOW MANY TIMES YOU JACK OFF IN A DAY JAMES

 **Mr. Evans:**  (;´༎ ຶД ༎ຶ`)

 **Master Lupin** **:** OR YOUR WEIRD KINKS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** WHAT THE FUKC WHAT WEIRD KINKS

 **Noodle d00d:**  OH MY GOD MY BODY IS READY

 **Mr. Evans:**  PLEASE STOP I HAVE TEN SMALL CHILDREN

 **Master Lupin** **:** Numero uno, if you use someone’s fucking computer, the least you can do is not use it for weird kinky websites/??

 **Master Lupin** **:** Numero dos, if you can’t control yourself, at least delete your fucking history after you’re done???

 **Master Lupin** **:** Imagine my surprise when I’m innocently trying to find a reference for my essay

 **Master Lupin** **:** and come across

 **Mr. Evans:**  AUSKHDJNSDMc

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** TYPE FASTER OH MY GDOIS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** is it foot fetush??? I KNWE IT

 **Master Lupin:**  bdsmlifestyle.com

 **Noodle d00d:**  I AM CRYING JESUS CHRSIT

 **Mr. Evans:**  I’m sorry Remus, I’m so sorry please stop

 **Master Lupin** **:** Why would you do that to me, James?

 **Master Lupin** **:** Or should I call you spankmybuttcheeks19?

 **Master Lupin** **:** I still have nightmares about that, James.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** hk,djfbh I am chOKING

**srs changed Jams’ name to “spankmybuttcheeks19.”**

**Noodle d00d:**  I am just

 **Noodle d00d:**  eighteen other people thought that was a good name what the fuck

**Jams has left the group.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** LMAO He blocked us I cant add him again

 **Noodle d00d:**  remus, i will never mess with you again

 **Master Lupin:**  Good, because I know everything about each one of you.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I am scared and vaguely turned on

 **Master Lupin:**  Gimme my flowers back.

 **srs changed Moony’s name to “** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿.** **”**

* * *

**Baemus Lupin <3 <3**

****srs:**** um

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **?

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **What's up?

 **srs:** this is a lil awkward

 **srs:** esp considering we havent even gone on an actual date yet

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Uh oh. You're not making typos. 

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Just say it, Pads.

 **srs:** um 

 **srs:** i

 **srs:** dont think? im into exhibitionism? 

 **srs:** but i guess i could try? if thats what? gets to you?

 **srs:** i mean

 **srs:** when we get to the sex part 

 **srs:** of our relationship

 **srs:**........

 **srs:** can you please say something i literally just murdered my soul to say all that

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **KAJSHDN<MCEWDACd

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **thAT IS SIMULTANEOUSLY THE SWEETEST AND MOST EMBARRASSING THING YOU'VE EVER SAID TO ME

 **srs:** ಠ_ಠ

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **You absolute DORK

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **First, we won't ever do anything that you're not 100% comfortable with. 

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Second, I AM NOT INTO EXHIBITIONISM CAN EVERYONE PLEASE STOP

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Third, we should go on a date. 

 **srs:**!!!!!!!

 **srs:** when where how what 

 **srs:** if i leave right now

 **srs:** i can get to birmingham in about 3 hrs

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **SIRIUS!! ITS TWO AM

 **srs:** your poitn?

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Come over this weekend so we spend more time together

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **and stay the night. 

 **srs:** :))))))

 **srs:** for sex things?

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **:)))))) I literally just felt my dick retract into my body

 **srs:** :(((((( rood

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **I'm gonna sound like a sap 

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **but I want to take this slow.

 **srs:** wise words from a guy whos been frick fracking in hallways

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **If you ever want to even get within a ten mile radius of me, never say frick frack again. 

 **srs:** LMAO SORRY

 **srs:** and if it wasnt clear

 **srs:** im kidding

 **srs:** i want to take this super super super slow too

 **srs:** because i want this to go on and on and on and on 

 **srs:** and pls tell me if i ever make you uncomfy with stupid sexual jokes, okay?

 **srs:** i just have a shit sense of humour

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **I will :)))

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **Same goes for you.

 **srs:** your sexual jokes do make me uncomfortable soemtimes :/

 ** **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**: **IM SO SORRY!!!!!!

 **srs:** UNCOMFORTBALY HARD

 **srs:** SIKE!!!!!!!!

 **srs:**...remus?

 _**Message not sent.** _ ** Try again? **

**srs:** diD YOU FUCKING BLOCK ME????

 _**Message not sent.** _ ** Try again? **

**srs:** IM CRYING LMAO COME BACKKKK

 _**Message not sent.** _ **Try again?**

* * *

  **pettigrew changed group name to "We Dem Bois."**

**pettigrew added Jams to "We Dem Bois."**

**Noodle d00d:** ceasefire?

 **spankmybuttcheeks19:** im sorry for trying ot expose you moony

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** /trying/ is the key term herre

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**  I love you, James Potter <3

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Even as I kinkshame you <3 

 **spankmybuttcheeks19:** that sokay <3

 **spankmybuttcheeks19:** my kink is being kinkshamed 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Listen here, you infected toe

 **Noodle d00d:** _INFECTED TOE_

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** _INFECTED TOE_

**spankmybuttcheeks19: shared a photo.**

****

**✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I hate you so much, James. 

* * *

 **Noodle d00d:** i've had such a good day

 **Noodle d00d:** i chilled out with my friends

 **Noodle d00d:** we went hiking and it was so!!!! beautiful!!!

 **Noodle d00d:** and NOW

 **Noodle d00d:** some good old fashioned teabagging time!

**Noodle d00d: shared a photo.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):**....nobody tell him

 **infected toe:** WHAT! THE! FUCK!

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I AM DYING LMASOIDJ

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** How are you this pure? How has the world not corrupted you, my sweet ace child?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** SUCH A PRECIOSU LITTLE BUN

 **infected toe:** i want to cuddle him and preserve him forever

 **Noodle d00d:** are you guys high?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** dont talk about thigns like that my lil hunny bun bun

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** youre too pure uwu

 **Noodle d00d:**....i'm gonna go.....

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Okay, boo! Enjoy your tea! <3 

 **infected toe:** <3 <3 <3 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 

* * *

**Noodle d00d: shared a screenshot.**

**Noodle d00d:** youre all fucking dead to me

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** AJHKSDMSN THAT PICTURE I AM DYIGN

 **infected toe:** "MALE PUTS HIS SCROTUM INTO HIS PARTNERS MOUTH OVER AND OVER" 

 **infected toe:** WHO TEH FUCK WROTE HTIS 

**Moony changed pettigrew's name to "teabagging."**

**teabagging:** fuck all of you

 **teabagging:** but especially fuck you lupin

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** <3 <3 <3 

* * *

**Sirius' Fanboying Centre**

**srs: shared an Instagram post.**

****

**srs:** nnnnnnnnnggghhhhhhh

 **pettigrew:** damn your photography skills are getting better everyday 

 **srs:** who needs skills when yor model is literal god on earth

 **Jams:** so i take it your date is going well?

 **srs:** hes so eprfect i just caNT

 **srs:** eve n his FUCKING TEETH ARE PERFECT

 **pettigrew:** why do we stil have this group, btw?

 **pettigrew:** you're actually dating remus now

 **pettigrew:** aren't your fanboying days in the past now?

 **Jams:** clearly not if hes still freaking out about remus' teeth

 **srs:** ^^^^

 **pettigrew:** but you don't have to hide your fanboying anymore, is what i mean

 **pettigrew:** you can freak out about remus' perfect teeth

 **pettigrew:** or heartbeats per second or whatever 

 **pettigrew:** in the main group

 **srs:** peter are you dumb?

 **srs:** remus cn never find out how whippd i am for hiM!!!

 **pettigrew:**????????

 **pettigrew:** youre literally dating him?????????

 **pettigrew:** its healthy for you to let him know how much you care for him??????

 **srs:** he //knows/// that i love him and care for him

 **srs:** he //doesnt// need to know that im OBSESSED with him

 **pettigrew:**...you know what

 **pettigrew:** you right

 **Jams:**!!!!! WHAT

 **Jams:** THIS IS HISTORY IN THE MAKING HOLY SHIT

 **Jams:** PETER YOU JUST AGREED WITH SIRIUS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE

 **srs:** I AM SCREENSHITTING AND PRINTING THIS OH MY GOD

 **pettigrew:** screenshotting*

 **srs:** peter pls

 **Jams:** let him have this jfc

 **srs:** thanks jams 

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** random reminder that i love you all (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 **infected toe:** i woud die for you sirius (ง ͠° ͟ل ͡°)ง

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** (ಥ﹏ಥ)

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I would plan elaborate murder, execute it and actually get away with it for you all <3 

 **infected toe:**...okay

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** forreal tho

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** if any of us culd actualyl get away with it 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** its remus

 **infected toe:** i think peter would get away with it too

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ^^ Agreed. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i wouldnt let hiim 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i'd foil that assholes plan so hard

 **infected toe:** youd prolly be in jail already

 **infected toe:** for some dumb shit like trying to steal someones dog

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ^^ Agreed.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i mean,,,, youre not wrong

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** BUT I WOULD ESCAPE!! WITH MY LOYAL STOLEN DOG!!! AND TOGEHTER WE'D FOIL PETERS PLAN!!!!

 **teabagging:** hey babe

 **teabagging:** just wanted to let you know that i'll be busy today

 **teabagging:** so if i don't reply, that's why

 **teabagging:** hope you have a great day (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **teabagging:** love you so much 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**..................................................

**infected toe: shared a photo.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

**pettigrew has left the group.**

**Moony added pettigrew to "We Dem Bois."**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** OH NO YOU DONT HUNTY 

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave your thoughts in the comments please! It feeds my soul!
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	3. why must i suffer this way.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **teabagging:** um
> 
>  **teabagging:** i honestly don't know what to say
> 
>  **✿ Moonpie ✿:** How about the truth, Pete? HmM? HOW ABOUT THAT?

**Jams changed group name to "THIS IS WHY YOURE A RAT PETER."**

**teabagging:** um

 **teabagging:** i honestly don't know what to say

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** How about the truth, Pete? HmM? HOW ABOUT THAT?

 **infected toe:** i have no words

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I CAN SEE YOU TYPIGN YOU RAT 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** STOP TAKIENG SO LONG!!!!!!!!!!!@!!!!!

 **teabagging:** so

 **teabagging:** ive been...................seeing someone

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** OH HAVE YOU MATE? 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** WOULDA NEVER GUESSED??????

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** FROM THE IL OVE YOUS?????

 **teabagging:** IM SORRY OKAY????

 **teabagging:** i just

 **teabagging:** i didn't know how to tell you guys

* * *

  **srs made a new group chat.**

**srs added Jams and Moony to group chat.**

**srs:** i know hes still talking but i already know what the problem is going to be

 **Moony:**?

 **Jams:** did you already know about this?

 **srs:** nope

 **srs:** but i know hes an insecure lil ace baby

 **srs:** so whatever he tells us

 **srs:** dont joke bout it, okay?

 **srs:** today is one day we really need to show affection up front

 **srs:** and not cover it up in thirty layers of dick jokes

 **Jams:**................serious

 **Jams:** is this......you being mature?

 **Moony:** My baby boy is so emotionally intact :')

 **srs:** james shut the fuck up 

 **srs:** moony 

 **srs:** never call me your baby boy again

 **srs:** thats disgusting

**srs deleted group chat.**

* * *

  **THIS IS WHY YOURE A RAT PETER**

 **teabagging:** you guys would've joked about it and thats fine we always joke about everything

 ** **teabagging:**** but i'm a bit......sensitive about this one

 ** ** **teabagging:****** she is

 ** ** ** **teabagging:******** god, she's fucking gorgeous, okay?

 ** ** ** ** **teabagging:********** she's a fucking genius and she's everything i am not 

 **teabagging:** and i fuckin realise that okay?

 ** **teabagging:**** i just dont need to hear it from you guys too

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie******  ✿: Peter, you're such a dumbass. ** **  
****

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):**??????? WE LITERALLY JUST HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT THIS TWO SECONDS AGO MOONY????

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie******  ✿: I'm sorry but it needed to be said!

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie******  ✿: Peter, we would //never// think you're not enough for someone. 

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie******  ✿: You are our perfect little cinnamon bun. If anything, no one will ever be enough for you. 

 **infected toe:** he right

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** wow james, i worry for yor ten imaginary kids 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** but forreal pete

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** stop talking shit about yourself 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** youre perfectly fine 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** just stupidly insecure

 **teabagging:** *sighs for a billion years*

 **teabagging:** anyway im sorry for not telling you guys 

 **teabagging:** :)

 **infected toe:** i love how he just completely ignored all the complements 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** thats our lil pete :')

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** a livign repellent to positivity and compliments:')

 **✿** **Moonpie**  ✿: So do we get to hear about her now?

 **teabagging:** i mean.......sure?

 **teabagging:** her names ziyi and i met her right after graduation 

 **teabagging:** i was kinda moping around and she approached me and was very nice

 **teabagging:** we became friends and then HOLY SHIT SHE ASKED ME OUT

 **teabagging:** so yeah

 **teabagging:** we've been dating for about two months now?

 **infected toe:** i swear im not salty

 **infected toe:** but hypothetically speaking

 **infected toe:** when were you planning on telling us?

 **teabagging:** lmao never???

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** wow yor such a great friend pete

 **teabagging:** i try my most thanks :) 

 **✿** **Moonpie**  ✿: I'm really happy for you, Peter :) 

 **✿** **Moonpie**  ✿: Just never do this again. 

 **infected toe:** yeah

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** JAMES HOW ARE YOU SO BAD AT HTIS WOW?

 **infected toe:** I DONT KNOW AHFKCNJCADM

 **teabagging:** lol its okay 

 **teabagging:** thanks for being nice guys

 **teabagging:** it means a lot

* * *

  **srs changed group name to "why must i suffer this way."**

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Let's not be dramatic now, Padfoot.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I FEEL SO BETRAYED

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** MY OWN BROTHER

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** MY FLESH AND BLOOD

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** THE MAN I RECOGNISE BY FART ALONE

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** HAS RENDERED ME WOUNDED AND BLEEDING

 **infected toe:** so much for not being dramatic

 **teabagging:** lets play a game

 **teabagging:** guessing what regulus has done this time 

 **infected toe:** infinite loop of shopping carts around your bike?

 **teabagging:** cake that is actually just sponge covered in icing?

 **infected toe:** OOOH LUBE IN HAND WASH?

 **teabagging:** powder in your hair dryer?

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Wow, I suddenly don't miss dorming with you guys at all. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  im gona pause my moping to point out that your pranks were the most brutal

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** so why are you even pretending?

 **teabagging:** #EXPOSED

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ANYWHO BACK OT ME

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** REGULUS HAS DONE WORSE

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): HE HAS GROWN UP**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****  Well, did you expect him to never grow up? **  
**

**infected toe:** STOP YOUR LYING MOUTH SIRIUS

 **infected toe:** REGULUS WOULD NEVER DO SUCH THING

 **infected toe:** stOP SPREADING LIES ABOUT MY PRECIOUS LIL CHILD

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**...

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** "so much for not being dramatic"

 **infected toe:** remus this isnt the time for your smart assery

 **teabagging:** srs, what did regs do?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he dindt really do nything just

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** idk

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i just suddenly noticed how idk

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** hes always takign care of me but pretending hes not doing it intensioninly

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** intensioninly

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and like today

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** walburga started talking shit as per usual

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and i started talking back

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i could tell i ws making it worse but i just wanted to get it over with you know?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and reggy just stepped in and idk

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i noticed how often he does that

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** stepping in so i wouldnt get in trouble

 **infected toe:** thats why i love him

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Honestly, he is the best.

 **teabagging:** why does that worry you though?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** idK HES MY BABY BROTHER

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he shouldnt have to stand up for me

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he shouldnt have to idk idk idk

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i dont know

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im just feelin some typa way and dont know

 **teabagging:** what you're feeling is concern, you piece of cardboard

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Regulus has always been that way, love. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Maybe you never noticed before, but he has always done everything he could for you. 

 **teabagging:** true. you both have always done the most for each other and grown up way ahead of your time. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i didnt intent to make this a serious conversation

 **teabagging:** lmao sokay

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** We're always here for you. 

 **infected toe:** yeah

 **teabagging:** james idek how you're so fucking emotionally constipated, its fucking amazing 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im such a messsss

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** but im a hot mess so its okay :) :) :)  

 **teabagging:** you've obviously never seen yourself cry

 **infected toe:** ^^^^

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** ^^^^

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** REMUS WHAT THE FUKC

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** Sorry, bae, but you're not a pretty crier. 

**srs changed group name to "why must i suffer again and again."**

* * *

**teabagging:** i just found a video of remus dealing with prongsfoot

**teabagging: shared a[video.](http://wildlifewednesdays.net/post/146082426234/the-dangers-and-troubles-of-being-a-panda)**

**infected toe:** i mean,,...,youre not wrong

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** Holy shit, that is the most accurate thing I have seen in my entire existence. 

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a[video.](http://i-think-youll-like-this.tumblr.com/post/156408340055)**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** peter after a sngle shot

 **infected toe:** LMAOOOOOO TRUEEEEEEEEE

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** I redact my statement. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:** //That// is the most accurate thing I have ever seen in my entire existence. 

 **teabagging:** ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

 **teabagging:** FUCK YALL OH MY GOD

 **teabagging:** i am a tiny maN ITS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE LOW TOLERANCE

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **: shared a[video.](https://fuckyeahwierd.tumblr.com/post/156922896828)**

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** I found a video of all of us.

 **teabagging:** LOOOOOOL

 **teabagging:** remus is def the one who thought up the idea and then didnt even sit inside the ride 

 **teabagging:** srs is the one that went flying 

 **infected toe:**..............................GUYS

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** PRONGS ARE YOU THINKING WHAT IM THINKING BECAUSE WHAT IM THINKIGN IS FUCKIN BALLS

 **infected toe:** OH MY GOD PADS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE

 **infected toe:** ARE YOU THINKING THAT WE HAVENT EVR TRIED THIS AND ALL WE NEED IS 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ELVENDORK AND A PARK?

 **infected toe:** ELVENDORK AND A PARK?

 **infected toe:** OH MY GO D WE SAID IT AT THE SAME TIME

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** SOULMATES

 **infected toe:** were like not even soulmates

 **infected toe:** were much more than that

 **infected toe:** idk we transend all human concepts

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****...im not even gona spell check you mate bc yOURE SO RIGHT

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** you're my everything prongs

 **infected toe:** stop, i say as i blush

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i love making you blush, i reply as i push your hair behind your brown ear

 **teabagging:**............WAHT THE FUCK

 **infected toe:** i gigle and bite my lip

 **infected toe:** "i-i want to tell you something, padfoot," i say

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** "tell me baby," i answer, stepping closser to you

 **infected toe:** your scent of lavenders mixed with 2% honey and 76.87% pizza fills my brown nostrils

 **infected toe:** "i th-think of you....whenevr i adjust my antenna," i whisper huskily in your ear

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** "adjust your antenna?" i ask confusedly in confusion

 **infected toe:** "you know...whenever i choke the chicken, beat my meat, polish the sword, stroke my manhood," i giggle and blush harder

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** "oh baby" i say huskily, pressing to you. i can feel my yogurt slinger inflate with arousal

 **infected toe:** i push you against the wall

 **infected toe:** "i want to yiff you so hard," i whisper in your ear

 **teabagging:** what the fuck is yiff

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** PETER NO

 **infected toe:** PETER YES

**teabagging: shared a screenshot.**

****

**teabagging:** have i mentioned how much i hate all of you?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** I warned you.

 **infected toe:** lmao even i iddnt know what it meant

 **infected toe:** i thought it meant like fuck you or smth

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** yall: PETER NO

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** me, an intellectual: PETER GROWLF

 **teabagging:** do you ever like //think// before you speak?

 **teabagging:** anyway

 **teabagging:** remus what do you have to say about what the fuck just happened?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** Nothing?

 **teabagging:** your man out here roleplaying with other furries and you have nothing to say?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** lmao nah

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** wow your love for me is truly moving

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** Sorry, love <3 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** yiff <3

**Moony removed srs from "why must i suffer again and again."**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** Not today. 

* * *

**REGGY WEGGY**

**srs:** regs wyd?

 **REGGY WEGGY:** studying, whassup

 **srs:** nothing

 **REGGY WEGGY:** sounds fake but okay..,.

 **srs:** just

 **srs:** youre 

 **srs:** i dont hate you okay?

 **srs:** youre not too bad

 **srs:** sometimes youre even borderline tolerable

 **REGGY WEGGY:** okay.

 **REGGY WEGGY:** is that all?

 **srs:** yah

 **REGGY WEGGY:** okay.

 **srs:**??????

 **REGGY WEGGY:** what?

 **srs:** arent you

 **srs:** shouldnt you say smth now?????

 **REGGY WEGGY:** um? idk? say what?

 **srs:** idk either

 **REGGY WEGGY:** okay???

 **REGGY WEGGY:** i mean

 **REGGY WEGGY:** i love you too i guess?

 **srs:** KJHDFMN<SD SHUT YOR FUCK OH MY GOD

 **srs:** YOURE SO CHEESY WOW

 **REGGY WEGGY:** WHAT!! ISNT THAT WHA YOU WATNED ME TO SAY?

 **srs:** WOW BYE

 **REGGY WEGGY:** IM SO CONFUSED

 **srs:** dont talk to me cheeseball

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a very emotionally available person but brotherly relationships are fucking hard and awkward as hell, okay?
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	4. lbr nipple is a weird word.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** guyss……….
> 
>  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** thers more nipples than people in the world
> 
>  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I cant stop thinking abou tit
> 
>  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** about it* bt I guess also tit????

**We Dem Bois.**

**srs changed group name to "lbr nipple is a weird word."**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** guyss……….

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** thers more nipples than people in the world

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** I cant stop thinking abou tit

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** about it* bt I guess also tit????

 **teabagging:** ITS 3 AM GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP OH MY GOD

* * *

 **infected toe:** …fuck now I cant stop thinking about it either

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** RIGHT?????????

 **infected toe:** I mean I always knew it but I didn’t ever //know// it

 **infected toe:** know what I mean?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** Im gonna slowly rip your skin off your bones

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** put it in a blender

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** and drink it if yoU DON’T STOP TEXTING AT FIVE IN THE FUCKING MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **infected toe:** hOLY SHIT OKAY OH MY GOD

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** O_O

* * *

  ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** shared a photo.**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** look aT MY MANS BEING FINE AS HLELLLLLLLLLL ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ( ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°) ͡°)

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** honesly no otehr person is as amazing and perfect as remus john lupin 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** jskhcnkja ik eep looking at the picture and losing my damn mind ofdnkjcv

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** FIGHT ME LUPIN (ง'̀-'́)ง

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** I WILL SUE  ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** WHO ALLOWED YOU TO BE THIS PERFECT?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** **shared a photo.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** I mean, I personally think my man is the most perfect and wonderful and kind and gentle person on earth

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** but I guess you do you ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **teabagging:**  what is this mush mush

 **infected toe:**  THIS IS DISGUSTING EWWW 

**Jams changed group name to "wolfstar feeds me."**

**infected toe:**  KEEP GOING THO

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** REMUS JOJNFJKBA <EMD FNVEF WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME WHKFB

* * *

**Remus Lupin**

****regulusb** :  **so i can hear sirius screaming in his room

 **regulusb:**  what did u do to him

 **Remus Lupin:**  OH MY GOD WHAT A NERD

 ** **Remus Lupin** : **   **shared a screenshot.**

 ** **Remus Lupin** : **Just complimented him a little ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

 ** **regulusb** : ** EW GROSS I DONT WANNA SEE THAT

 ** **regulusb** : ** WAHT THE FICL????????

 ** **regulusb** : ** ITS BAD ENOUGH I HAVE TO HEAR HIM GO ON ABOUT 

 ** **regulusb** : ** YOUR SPARKLY EYES OR WHATEV

 ** **Remus Lupin** : ** LMAOOOOO what a nerd!!!!

* * *

lily__  
Coventry

Liked by  **jimjams, siriusblack** and  **89 others.**

 **lily__** catching fire as the wind blows ♫

View all 19 comments

 **jimjams**  QUEEN OF TAKING PICTURES

 **Remus_Lupin**  QUEEN OF LIVING

 **peterp** QUEEN OF SUNSETS

* * *

peterp  
Newquay

Liked by  **jimjams, Remus_Lupin and 178 others.**

 **peterp** kinda never wanna let go 

View all 43 comments

 **jimjams** OH MY GOD IS THIS WHIPPED PETER?? I AM ALIVEEEE

 **siriusblack** adorabLEEE ♥♥

 **ziiiiiyiiiii** then never let go ♥

* * *

  **wolfstar feeds me.**

 **infected toe:** you know what i just now noticed?

 **infected toe:** literally EVERYONE is social media official

 **infected toe:** except remus and sirius????????????

 **teabagging:** @wolfstar pick up your game

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** oh ummmmmmmm

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** yall know i live to makee my parents life hell

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** bt im not out to them eyt and this just might kill them??

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i meann idc bout that

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** but reggys too young to be an orphan

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** You don't have to explain yourself, love. 

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I don't need all that to know how wHIPPED™ you are for :)))))))

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i aM NOT????? THE FUCK?? LIES???

 **infected toe:** ¬_¬

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** ¬_¬

 **teabagging:** ¬_¬

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** **.....k fiiiiiineeee im whipped 

 **infected toe:** OOOOOOH LETS DO A WOLFSTAR QUIZ

 **teabagging:** YASSSS MY BODYS READYYYYYY

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** Cool cool.

 **infected toe:** imma grab a quiz from the interwebs just a second

 **infected toe:** okay!!!

 **infected toe:** do you remember the first thing you said to each other?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i told him he looked like a werewolf

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** And I pretended to look scared and said

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** please don't tell anyone, it's a secret.

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i actually believed him too oh my god

 **teabagging:** MY TURRNNNNNN

 **teabagging:** what do you like most about each other?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** ughhhhhh this is gonna sound so fucking cheesy

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** but i love how kind he i s

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I love his hair the mostttttesttttt!

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** **....well this is awks

 **infected toe:** what?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** **...im kinda thinking of cutting it all off

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** WHAT HWHYY???????

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** I WONT IF YOU DONT WANT ME TO

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** No, no, no!! Do whatever you want, boo. 

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** But why???

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** its jsut

 **infected toe:** its a black family thing and you dont want to be associated with it?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** hoLY SHIT MY ACTUAL REAL SOULMATE

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ISTG IF IT WASNT FOR REMUS ID MARRY YOU JAGNES OPOTER OH MY GOD

 **infected toe:** who the fuck is jagnes opoter

 **teabagging:** ah yes i love my friends remus, peter and *looks at smudged handwriting* jagnes opoter

 **infected toe:** DONT YOU DARE MEME THAT

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** Lmao too late.

 **teabagging:** ANYWAY NEXT QUESTION

 **teabagging:** who gets jealous easier?

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I would honestly say neither of us???? 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** ye

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i trust him and he trusts me

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** but if we //had// to choose then id say me

 **infected toe:** if that isnt relationship #goals right here

 **teabagging:** whats something that pisses you off about each other?

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** WHEN HE CALLS ME OR MESSAGES ME AT LIKE 3 AM

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** WHY CANT YOU EVER GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** i literally have insomnia you prick

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** THEN SUFFER IN SILENCE

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** TURN YOUR NOTIFICATIONS OFF WHEN YOU SLEEP YOU SOGGY SOCK

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** BUT I DONT WANNA MISS YOUR MESSAGES

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** **....aw

 **infected toe:**...............okay this is too much even for me

 **teabagging:** lmao me too bye

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** You still haven't said what pisses you off about me, though?

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** when you don tshare your problems wth me

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** unlike some other people i know (¬_¬) i dont want you to suffer in silence

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I'm sorry :(((((((

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I'll try to be better that. 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** ** I love youuuuuuu

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** ** I love you <3 

* * *

**love of my life**

**srs:** moony

 **love of my life:** Yes?

 **srs:** im actually rlly scared

 **love of my life:** Of what??

 **love of my life:** Babe, are you okay???

 **love of my life:** Do you want me to come to London?

 **srs:** heheheheheheheheheh youre so whipped toooooooo

 **srs:** but nah you dont have to cme here

 **srs:** i just maent

 **srs:** about cuttign my hair

 **love of my life:** Why are you scared?

 **srs:** idk

 **srs:** im bout to get rid of my long beautiful locks

 **srs:** in like 5 mins

 **srs:** and i feel like im about to lose a part of my identity or smth

 **srs:** i know its dumb but idk

**love of my life: sent a voicenote.**

> _Remus: First of all, its not dumb. You've always had long hair and your entire family has always had long hair. It makes sense that you're attached to it. I'm sorry I can't be physically there with you right now but I hope you can feel all my love in this message. You'll be fine! Muahhhhhhhhhhh!_

**srs:** remus im so gay for you its unbelievable

* * *

**wolfstar feeds me**

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** ** ** **shared a photo.**

****

**********(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** its goneeeee

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** sirius 2.0

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** i feel like a different person ahhhhh

 **infected toe:** me:  **[[video]](https://youtu.be/bta4NZKQku0?t=43s)**

 **infected toe:** BOO YOU LOOK SO GOOD ASKJHDCN

 **teabagging:** WHAT KINDA SUPERNATURAL BEAUTY

 **teabagging:** you could honestly be a model

 **teabagging:** and bOI THAT HAIR LOOK DOPEEEE

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********.....i can see youre online remus

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** I

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** have some nsfw things to say

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** so I'll DM you?

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** YES PLEASE 

 **teabagging:** remus lupin you disgust me

 **infected toe:** let my boys do the sex peter!!!!!

 **infected toe:** it took them more than ten years to get their shit together

* * *

**love of my life**

**srs:** IM READY 

 **love of my life:** Where do I even start holy fucking god

 **love of my life:** I THOUGHT I'D BE MOURNING THE LOSS OF YOUR LONG HAIR

 **love of my life:** BUT I KINDA JUST WANT YOU UNDER ME RIGHT NOW

 **srs:** shit remus i gtg

 **srs:** i can hear walburga shouting

 **srs:** brb

 **love of my life:** Its okay <3 

 **love of my life:** Lemme know what's up.

**[✓ Read at 3:17 p.m.]**

* * *

**SOULMATE**

**srs:** yo james

 **SOULMATE:** why are you DMing me

 **SOULMATE:** please dont say nsfw things to me i'll be traumatized

 **SOULMATE:** and wtf its only been like fifteen minutes? you guys already done sexting?

 **srs:** can i come over?

 **srs:** i need a place to stay

 **SOULMATE:** yeah ofc come over!

 **SOULMATE:** did you fight with your parents?

 **srs:** ah um

 **srs:** they disowned me 

**SOULMATE is calling.**

"Please don't pity me," Sirius said in a hoarse voice. "I'm honestly fine. I've been expecting this for years now."

"What the fuck happened, mate?" James shouted. "I know this has been coming for years but what the fuck? Why so suddenly?"

"I cut my hair and it was a family tradition, blah, blah, blah," Sirius said. He grabbed his laptop and its charger to stuff it into his little carry-on bag. 

"Because of your  _hair?"_ James asked in disbelief. 

"Not just that," Sirius replied. He felt drained, like something was leeching the life right out of his body. He felt so exhausted that he didn't even have the space to feel hurt or sad. Everything had happened so fast, one second he had been talking to Remus and the other, he was having the worst shouting match with his parents. "It's been building up for a while now."

"Fuck, mate," James said, sighing. "Just-just get over here. I need to see you." 

"Yeah, I'm just packing all the shit I need," Sirius replied. 

"What about Regulus? Is he coming too?" 

"No," Sirius said immediately. "He doesn't know yet. He wasn't home. I...I'll talk to him later, when I have the strength to."

"And Remus? Have you told him yet?"

"No, I'll call him after talking to you."

"Okay," James said. "Okay. I guess I'll see you then?"

"Yes."

"Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"You know you're amazing and that I love you?"

A small smile pulled at the corners of Sirius' mouth. "I love you too, James." 

* * *

srs  
Hogsmeade  
  
 

Liked by  **jimjams, peterp** and  **891 others.**

 **srs** hella gay and hella in love with  **@Remus_Lupin**

View all 204 comments

 **lily__** WHEN YOUR OTP BECOMES CANON ASKHDJ

 **fabian** years of pining payed off i see

 **jimjams** i believe you owe me some money  **@profmcgonagall  
** i told you they'd get it together before they turned 40!!!!! 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: says the series is probably dead and then stays up till 3am to write this.
> 
> Photocredit time: Remus is Mathias Lauridsen, the long haired Sirius is Jang Geun Suk and the short haired Sirius is Ok Taecyeon. I found all these people through random searches for similar looking people and the other pictures are just random google searches too.
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	5. sirius is freeeeee

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **teabagging: @srs** why you dressed like that in fucking march
> 
>  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** its for da Aesthetics™

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warnings:** Brief discussion of homophobia and mild parent on child physical violence.
> 
>  
> 
> **For[ ECP](http://archiveofourown.org/users/ECP/pseuds/ECP) because you bookmarked this story as "The One" and made me cry ❤︎**

****sirius is freeeeee** **

********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******  **Is he there yet?

**infected toe: shared a photo.**

****

**infected toe:** since you refuse to check my snaps!!!!1

 **infected toe:** dads making dinner specially for him rn :)

 **teabagging:** oh my god hes so extraaaaa

 **teabagging:** @srs why you dressed like that in fucking march

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** its for da Aesthetics™

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Babe, have you talked to Regulus yet?

 **infected toe:** BABE

 **teabagging:** BABE

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** weve literally been datign for months now why are you btoh like dis

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** and i havnet talked to him yet

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** i msged him about ti and he still hasnt replied so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **infected toe:** did he read the messages tho?

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** ye

 **teabagging:**....that doesnt sound very good tbh

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ not my problem 

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** ive done my part

 **teabagging:** sirius ffs stop being a thick headed jerk

 **teabagging:** hes prolly hurting right now 

 **teabagging:** and youre just gonna sit here and do nothing?

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** ** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ ive done my part

**srs has left the "sirius is freeeeee."**

**infected toe:** PETR YOU DUMABSS

 **infected toe:** IM TRYING RLLY HARD TO CHEER HIM UP

 **infected toe:** OF COURSE HE CARES BAOUT REGULUS OFC HES WORRIED

 **infected toe:** WHY CANT YUO JUST LET HIM PRETEND HES NT EFFECTED FOR A SECOND OH MY GOD

 **teabagging:** hes a grownass human being!!!!

 **teabagging:** why do we always have to fuckin baby him????

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Calm the fuck down, both of you. 

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** I'll talk to Sirius and Regs.

 **infected toe:** u sure thas a good idea?

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** I honestly don't fuckin know

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** but they both need to talk.

 **teabagging:** also

 **teabagging:** god i fuckin hate that tosser

 **teabagging:** but add sirius back and tell him im sorry

 **infected toe:** k

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Isn't there something else you should be saying to Peter now, James?

**Jams added srs to "sirius is freeeeeee."**

**Jams changed srs' name to "dramaqueen."**

**infected toe:** fine fiiiiine

 **infected toe:** sors peter

 **teabagging:** wow that sounded so sincere

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** James for fucks sake

 **infected toe:** FINE FINE

 **infected toe:** im sorry for being a dick to you pete

 **teabagging:** im sorry for being a dick to your husband

 **dramaqueen:** wtf hes my bromate, not husband

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** #brozoned

 **infected toe:** yea, what serious said

 **infected toe:** tho i gotta be honest 

 **infected toe:** ive had a couple naughty dreams about srs

 **teabagging:** ewWWWWWW WHAT THE FACK

 **infected toe:** a bro gets confused sometimes chill

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** I hat ethis conveesatio pls stopp

 **dramaqueen:** lmaooo remus.exe has stopped workign

 **teabagging:** youre so disgusting you broke the moony

 **infected toe:** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ i did it for da bants ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** The banter wasn't worth the trauma, mate t(- n -)t

 **teabagging:** whats that

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** It's me flippin James off

 **teabagging:** niiiiice

 **teabagging:** t(- n -)t **@Jams**

* * *

srs  
London

Liked by  **peterp,** **Remus_Lupin** and **606 others.**

 **srs** shoutout to dad for making me the best meal ever (✿´‿`)

View all 13 comments.

 **lily__** im salivating holy god in heaven

 **gideon** so when can i visit  **@jimjams** and  **@srs**

 **peterp** A COUPLE DAYS TO GO BEFORE I GET TO EAT THAT TOOOO

* * *

  **regularblack** unfollowed  **srs.**

* * *

  **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)**

 **Moony:** Hey, you asleep yet?

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** ** nop

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** ** regulus finally messaged me back tho

 **Moony:** WHAT DID HE SAY OMG IS HE OKAY

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** shared a screenshot.**  

> **REGGY WEGGY:** hes not your dad
> 
> **srs:** neither is orion ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> **REGGY WEGGY:** well its ggreat that you have james
> 
> **REGGY WEGGY:** because i guess im not your brother either ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> **srs:** regs you know thats not what i meant 
> 
> _**Message not sent. Try again?** _

****my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** ** he blockd me

 **Moony:** I'm really fucking starting to hate that emoticon.

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **me too tbh

 **Moony:** You want to talk about it, love?

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** honestly 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **no

 **Moony:** Okay then. 

 **Moony:** So how was your day?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **pretty good up until that message

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **mom remade their guest room into a room for me :') I"M EMO

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** ** **shared a photo.**

****

**Moony:** OH MY GOD WHAT KIDN OF RICH PEOPLE BULLSHIT IS THIS??? (ʘ‿ʘ)

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **lmaoooo 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **they also made a picture wall!!!! wiht pictures of all of us!!!!

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** ** **shared a photo.**

**Moony:** That's so cuuuuuute ಥ_ಥ

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **riiiiiigh?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **we all sat down together for dinner and i laughed so hard oh mygod

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **mr and mrs p are so in love its so nice to watch

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **mom and dad*

 **Moony:** Mom and dad*

 **Moony:** Haha jinx!

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and you guys call me extra?? james deadass dressed up in a suit for my first 'family dinner'

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and they all bought me flowers and shit

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** ** **shared a photo.**

**Moony:** LMAOOO y'all are going to be the most Extra™ family ever

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **i mean...,..wheres the lie

 **Moony:** What did you guys do after dinner?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **mom and dad went to bed

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **james taught me how to make indian tea

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **it was soooo good remus ohm y goddd

 **Moony:** Pictures!!!

******my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** shared a photo. **

**Moony:** Why were you drinking tea in a glass??

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **i wantd to put it in a cup but james said to stop being a white person :/

 **Moony:** I...should be offended :/

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **dont be youre a cool white person ~(˘▾˘~)

 **Moony:** (._.) thanks ( l: ) ( .-. ) ( :l ) i guess (._.)

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **remus?

 **Moony:** Yeah, bb?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **i should be happy right now

 **Moony:** That's not how it works, love. 

 **Moony:** There is no should or shouldn't with emotions. 

 **Moony:** And considering what has happened in the last couple days, it's more than okay for you to not be happy right now. 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **you right

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **remus?

 **Moony:** Yes, love?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **can you try talking to regulus please?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **tell him what actually happened

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **knowing my parents theyve prlly told him a billion lies about me by now

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **tell him he'll always be my baby brother, okay?

 **Moony:** Sirius, I don't exactly know what happened either. 

 **Moony:** Just that you've been thrown out. 

 **Moony:** Did you fall asleep? It's been a couple minutes. 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **no im here

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **i just don't want to burden you with this

 **Moony:** Baby, please.

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **she read the messages you sent me

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **and realised im gay

 **Moony:** Walburga?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **yeah

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and not jsut any messages 

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **bc god absolutely hates me, she read the 'i want you under me' sext

**Moony: shared a photo.**

******my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **same

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and then she started screaming and told orion

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **and they called me the f word so i kinda lost it

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** and told them to go fuck themselves up the ass with a splintered bat

 **Moony:** Noice.

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and then got slapped across the face

 **Moony:** Sirius, holy shitttt

 **Moony:** They can't fucking do that??? That's abuse!

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **lol thas no biggie 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **we not white

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **but anyway

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **i didnt want to leave because i didnt wanna leave regs

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **tell him that i wanted to stay regardless for  _him_

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **but they gave me no option

 **Moony:** Okay, I'll tell him, don't worry. 

 **Moony:** But Sirius?

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **yeah boo?

 **Moony:** You're an incredibly strong human being, an amazing brother and the besttttttt son anyone could ever ask for. Don't forget that. 

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** ヽ༼ຈلຈ༽ﾉ **you make me so emo omg

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **and youre the best boyfriend anyone could ever ask for ❤︎❤︎❤︎

 ** ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** :** **I love you so much, Remus Lupin. 

 **Moony:** I love you too, you dork ❤︎

* * *

**Regulus Black**

**Moony:** Good morning, my favourite Black (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

_**Message not sent. Try again?** _

**Moony:** God fucking damn it cunt shit cockass fuckkkkkkkkkkkkk

_**Message not sent. Try again?** _

* * *

**sirius is freeeeee**

********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Good morning, babes (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **teabagging:** hiiiii babe (づ￣ ³ ￣)づ

 **infected toe:** HELLOOOOOOOO ❤︎ ❤︎ ❤︎

 **infected toe:** the puppy is still sleeping 

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Let him be, he's had a hard night.

 **teabagging:** did smth happen?

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Regulus is pissed and has blocked him off everything. 

 **infected toe:** yeah he blockd me too

 **teabagging:** wtf he blocked me too??? wht did i do???

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** He just needs some time to cool down, it's okay.

 **teabagging:** but ive literaly done 0 things to deserve this??????????

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Calm down, oh my god. 

 **dramaqueen:** lets talk about literally anything else ples

 **teabagging: '** ples' lol

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Good morning, my looooooooove (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **dramaqueen:** GOOD MORNING MY BEAUTIFUL PRINCE UWU

 **infected toe:** take it to the dms ples

 **teabagging: '** ples' lol

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** ( ˘⌣˘)♡(˘⌣˘ )

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** LETS PLAY A GAME

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** Two truths, one lie. 

 **infected toe:** I'LL START

 **infected toe:** 1\. i once challenged a starbucks barista to duel w me

 **infected toe:** 2\. i ate three whole ghost peppers to stay true to my indian nationality

 **infected toe:** 3\. i accidentally joined a gang once 

 **teabagging:** for anyone else, all of them look like a stretch

 **teabagging:** but because its you, all of them could be true 

 **infected toe:**...i'll take that as a compliment

 **teabagging:** ples dont

 **dramaqueen:** imma say number 3 is a lie because i wouldve been wiTH YOU IF YOUD ACCIDENTABLLY JOINED A GANG

 **teabagging:** ^^

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** ^^^

**infected toe: shared a photo.**

**infected toe:** ITS NUMBER TWOOOOOO

 **dramaqueen:** lol number two 

 **infected toe:** im not gonna burn my entire butthole off for the sake of my nationality wtf

 **teabagging:** how the fuck do you accidentally join a gang?

 **infected toe:** im not allowed to say :/

 **dramaqueen:** :///

 **infected toe: @srs** ill tell you later bb, dw

 **teabagging:** ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ **@Jams**

 **teabagging:** meet me in the fuckin pit you fuckass

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** MY TURN PLES DONT FIGHT

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** 1\. I had a pet wolf when I was little.

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** 2\. I used Sirius' pictures to get myself a sugar daddy every Christmas.

 **dramaqueen:** reMUS WHAT HTE FFUCK

 **teabagging:** IM SCREEEEEAAAMINGGGG

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** 3\. I once got arrested for drinking and breaking into a school with my mates. 

 **dramaqueen:** TELL ME ITS NUMBER TWO SHDFN<M

 **teabagging:** lmao nah

 **teabagging:** number 2 is too specific to be a lie

 **teabagging:** im calling bullshit on #3 

 **teabagging:** youre too clever to get arrested

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** You know me so well, Pete <3

 **infected toe:** wtF WHY WERE YOU CATFISHING SUGAR DADDIES EVERY CHRISTMAS

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** How else do you think I could afford everyones nice ass presents??

 **teabagging:** lmaooOO A TRUE ICON (╯✧▽✧)╯

 **dramaqueen:** but like??? you could just use yoru own picture?

 **dramaqueen:** you literally lok like this???

 **dramaqueen:** **shared a photo.**

****

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

****

**infected toe: shared a photo.**

********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Why the fuck do you all have so many pictures me? That's so creepy, what the fuck.

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Anyway, your turn, Sirius. 

**infected toe: shared a photo.**

**dramaqueen:** wtf is your handwriting even 

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** "Complimenty" is not even a word. 

 **teabagging:** but also remus:

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** Accurate.

 **dramaqueen:** ackurate

 **infected toe:** acuceye

 **teabagging:**...sure. 

 **dramaqueen:** 1\. i once told reggy he was adopted and made him cry

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Number one is the lie. 

 **teabagging:** number 1 bc you'd never make reggy cry

 **infected toe:** 1 bc hed celebrate not being related to cockion and cuntburga

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** I AM CRYING OH MY GOD JAMES

 **dramaqueen:** he right tho 

 **teabagging:** my turn

 **teabagging:** 1\. i got drunk and tried to make out with dumbledore

 **dramaqueen:** das true, we were there

 **teabagging:** SHIT UP I CANT THINK OF ANYTHING YOU DONT ALREADY KNOW

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** "Shit up" lmao

 **teabagging:** 2\. ive actually had a lot of sex

 **infected toe:** NUMBER TWO IS THE LIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** You're literally asexual, try harder.

 **dramaqueen:** lmao pete youre so bad at this

**teabagging: shared a gif.**

**teabagging:** YOU ABSOLUTE WALNUTS I FUCKING WIN AT THIS GAME

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Whhhhhaaaattttt

 **teabagging:** before i accepted the fact that i was ace

 **teabagging:** i fucked around so much

 **dramaqueen:** but you nevr told us???????

 **teabagging:** i wasnt exactly proud of it 

 **teabagging:** it felt wrong and shameful kinda

 **infected toe:** babe :(((

 **teabagging:** issokie tho. all in the past :))

 **teabagging:** BECAUSE NOW IM FUCKIN WHIPPED FOR THE MOST ACCEPTING AND LOVING WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE ♡＼( ￣ ▽ ￣ )／♡

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****** ** Cuuuuuute <3 

* * *

jimjams  
London

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, srs** and  **779 others.**

 **jimjams** thanks for makin me look better than i do irl  **@srs**

View all 305 comments.

 **peterp** youre dressed like the preppies that get dragged by public school kids

 **XxhannaxX** MMMM DADDY ❤︎

 **srs** get tf away from my man, u nasty  **@XxhannaxX**

 **lily__** DAMN BOI LOOKIN GOOD

 **Remus_Lupin** you'd get robbed in three seconds flat if you ever came to birmingham you rich fucker

* * *

 regularblack

 

Liked by  **gideon, n_zambini** and **13,080** **others.**

 **regularblack** this guy decided to join me in ruminating

View all 98 comments.

 **molly.92** you're such a good photographer!

 **bluedig9** when are you posting a new song bro!!!

 **regularblack** **@bluedig9** i just wrote smth new, so hopefully soon :) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> True story: My other Asian friends and I sat down and talked about the different ways we'd had our asses whipped by our parents and the Whites were so horrified. It is definitely not okay to abuse kids (or anyone else) but the cultural difference makes me lol. 
> 
> Final fancast: Mathias Lauridsen is Remus, Ok Taecyeon is Sirius, Dev Patel is James and Kim Taehyung is Regulus [(because I am soft™ for that boy uwu) also I'm so excited for next chapter, just because I want to share his song with you guys!!]. Now that I've finally settled on who is going to be who, there's going to be a lot more pictures :)
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	6. Regulus Black Hype Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **srs:** did you at least make a video of it?
> 
>  **Andy the Handyman:** who do you take me for? some typa idiot who doesnt like to collect blackmail material?
> 
> **Andy the Handyman: [video]**
> 
> **srs:** fuCK I WANT TO SQUISH HIM HES SO CUTE KSJHD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Translations** are in the end note.
> 
>  **Warning:** Brief mention of parent on child physical violence.
> 
> **For[@711kinjal](https://711kinjal.tumblr.com/) and [@Freudhood](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Freudhood/pseuds/Freudhood) for being my hypemen  <3 **

You have  **3 missed calls** from  **unknown number.**

* * *

**unknown number**

**srs:** why the fuc are u calling me at five in the fucking morning?

 **unknown number:** ure sirius innit?

 **srs:** who da fuck????

 **unknown number:** u dont know me

 **unknown number:** bt regulus is getting mad bladdered here

 **unknown number:** im tryna keep the drank girls off him

 **unknown number:** bt u should probably take him home

 **srs:** what 

 **srs:** where the fuck is he????

 **unknown number:** **shared location.**

 **unknown number:** hes sleeping in the guest room

 **srs:** fuck thanks mate

 **unknown number:** no worries

* * *

Sirius jumped out of bed, being careful not to wake James up, who had decided that Sirius needed to be cuddled all night and had refused to sleep in his own bed. Quietly, he made his way out of the room and towards the kitchen because it was the farthest from the rooms and would probably afford him the most privacy. 

As he dialled Andromeda's number, he hoped she wasn't one to put her phone on silent before bed. The phone rang for a few seconds before going to voicemail. Swearing under his breath and heart beating rapidly in worry, he called back again. Andromeda was the only relatively sane Black family member that he could reach out to, the only one who loved Regulus as much as Sirius did and would take care of his little brother. And since Sirius was miles away in from where the party was, she was the only one who could go to keep Regulus safe. 

"Why the fuck are you calling me at five in the motherfucking morning?" she said as soon as she accepted the call and Sirius nearly burst out into tears at the sound of her voice. 

"Fuck, Andy, you've got to help me," he said frantically. 

"Woah, woah, what's going on?" Andromeda asked, and Sirius could hear rustling in the background. 

"It's Regulus," Sirius answered. "Someone messaged me that he's drunk at some party down your street. I'm too far to get there on time. Can you please go and get that fucking idiot out of there before he gets hurt?" 

"Yes, of course," Andromeda replied without hesitation. "Send me the address and I'll get him out of there." 

"Thank you so fucking much, Andy," Sirius said gratefully. "Just...don't take him back home. Keep him at Teddy and your place for a while? Let him sober up and then make him call me. Please." 

"Okay. Now send me the address." 

Sirius could feel himself beginning to panic. Regulus was too young to be drinking. He wasn't even legally supposed to be drinking!

Where Sirius had always been the loud, boisterous, trouble child, Regulus had been the gentle, kind and innocent child. While Sirius constantly got into trouble for sneaking out to go to parties, Regulus had never been interested in any of that. At fifteen years of age, he was an incredibly talented singer, and singing was all he wanted to do. Regulus would spend hours in his room, practicing different instruments, working on his vocals and collaborating with other novice artists on the internet to produce songs. And the thing was, Regulus was  _really, really_ good at what he did. His youtube channel had eighty thousand followers and if it wasn't for their parents' lack of support, he would have already been signed up with a major music company considering all the offers he kept getting. 

It was...heartbreaking to think that Sirius had been the one to drive Regulus into drinking. Sirius had pushed his awkward and shy little brother to his breaking point. 

"Sirius?" Mrs. Potter's voice called out from behind him and Sirius tucked his face away from her sight, not wanting her to see the tears trailing down his cheeks. "Why you up,  _beta?"_

"Oh, um," he mumbled, fidgeting in place before reaching out for a glass of water. "Just felt a little thirsty, that's all." 

As he filled up a glass with water from the tap, he felt James' mom wrap her arms around him from behind him. 

It was like something broke inside him. 

The glass of water slipped out of his fingers as his body wracked with a sob he didn't know he had been holding in. Everything blurred together because of the tears swimming in his eyes and his throat began to ache with hurt. 

"I-I'm sorry," he sobbed and Mrs. P. just hugged him tighter. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I c-can't-I messed everything up, I'm s-so sorry."

"Let it out,  _meri jaan,_ let it out," she whispered, pressing kisses against his spine. "Can you tell me what happened?"

"Remus keeps saying I'm a good brother and a g-good son, but I'm not, am I?" he said, voice unsteady. "I'm a fucking horrible human being. Regs was the last person I wanted to hurt. I was supposed to p-protect him from everything but I ended up hurting him worse than Orion or Walburga ever did." 

 _"Hoya ki?"_ she inquired.

"Someone texted me that he's completely drunk and passed out at someone's party," Sirius explained, turning around to face Mrs. Potter. "A-And I can't even go get him because he's so fucking far away. I-He never drinks, he never parties, never loses control. He's not l-like that. He's not like  _me._ I'm so worried about him."

"Where is he? I can send someone to bring him," she said, brow furrowed in concern. 

"No, it's okay," Sirius reassured. "I sent my cousin to get him. She's good with him. She'll keep him safe."

"Sirius, it's not your fault," she said and Sirius let out a hopeless sob again. "You are best brother. Okay? You are best everything." 

"N-No, I'm not," he said, voice still thick. "I've let him down." 

"No, Walburga and Orion let him down. Not you. He is coping the way he can. He'll be okay and we'll bring him here too, okay?  _Sab kuch theek ho jauga,"_ she continued, rubbing her hands up and down his back comfortingly as he hid his face in her neck.  _"Sab theek ho jauga._ _Theek hai?"_

Sirius nodded miserably as she pulled him to the living room and settled down next to him on the couch. 

"Do you want to sit next to me while I do  _nitt name?"_ she asked and Sirius nodded eagerly. Mrs. Pott- _Mom_ smiled at him gently, before she covered her head and started praying.  _"Ik onkaar, satt naam..."_

Somewhere in the middle of her praying, Sirius' tears trickled to a stop. Sure, everything was a mess, but in the middle of it all, he had a new family, an amazing boyfriend, friends that loved him and a brother that was about to feel the full brunt of Sirius' affection. 

Maybe everything really was going to be okay. 

* * *

**Andy the Handyman**

**srs:** did you get him?

 **Andy the Handyman:** yeah, hes passed tf out

**Andy the Handyman: shared a photo.**

**Andy the Handyman:** for such a pain in the ass, he sure is adorable

 **srs:** he really fucking is

 **Andy the Handyman:** he really misses you

 **srs:** yeah?

 **Andy the Handyman:** yup. 

 **Andy the Handyman:** he broke down in the car and cussed you out for leaving

 **srs:** andy, i had no choice

 **Andy the Handyman:** i know that.  _he_ doesn't.

 **srs:** i want to talk to him but hes blocked me off everythng

 **Andy the Handyman:** ikk try to get him to call you tomorrow

 **Andy the Handyman:** I'll*

 **srs:** thank you

 **srs:** for everything 

 **Andy the Handyman:** its chills

 **Andy the Handyman:** it was worth waking up at ass crack of the morning to see regs play pokemon go while drunk

 **Andy the Handyman:** he mustve walked through one or smth?

 **Andy the Handyman:** because he kept crying and apologising to thin air 

 **Andy the Handyman:** saying "im sorry eevee i didnt mean to step on you"

 **srs:** lmaooooooo

 **srs:** did you at least make a video of it?

 **Andy the Handyman:** who do you take me for? some typa idiot who doesnt like to collect blackmail material?

**Andy the Handyman: shared a video.**

**srs:** fuCK I WANT TO SQUISH HIM HES SO CUTE KSJHD

 **Andy the Handyman:** same

* * *

  **srs changed group name to "Regulus Black Hype Club."**

**srs changed his name to "Regulus' #1 Fan."**

****Regulus' #1 Fan:**** friends ive decided to stop moping

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and take action instead

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** I LOVE THIS NEW PLAN (⊙ꇴ⊙)

**Jams changed his name to "hypeman james."**

**hypeman james:** MY DAY HAS FINALLY COME 

 **hypeman james:** I HAVE SO MUCH MATERIAL ON MY FAVOURITE BLACK BROTHER OH MY GOD

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** what di fuck

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** i thought i was ur fav black bro?

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** i though twe were bromates?????

 **teabagging:** drama in the prongsfoot household

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** Always told you I loved you more than James. 

****✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **: shared a video.******

**teabagging:** mr remus lupin taking the opportunity to be petty as always

 **hypeman james:** bro, you'll always be my bro

 **hypeman james:** bbut but but

 **hypeman james:** **shared a GIF.**

****

**hypeman james:** look at this cutie trying to eat confetti after his performance ⊂（♡⌂♡）⊃

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** AH MY HEART IVE BEEN ATTACKED

**teabagging:** oh my god such a pure innocent bb ヽ(o♡o)/

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** HOW DID I GET SUCH A SQUISH BROTHER I CANT ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 **hypeman james:** ikr (இ﹏இ`｡)

 **teabagging:** so how are we getting regs back???????

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** hes with andy rn

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** she said she'll try to get him to call me when he wakes up

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** Andromeda?

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** ye

 **teabagging:** why isnt he home tho?

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** its a long fuckign story

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** for now, james get me more squish regs

 **hypeman james:** yOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND

 **hypeman james:** you know da ting he do

 **hypeman james:** when hes flustered

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** YES THE HAIR THING OH MY GOD ADORABLE

 **hypeman james:** rememer when everyone kept asking him to sing at my bday?

 **hypeman james:** someone caught it on camera ⚈ ̫ ⚈

**hypeman james: shared a GIF.**

****

**teabagging:** (♥ω♥*) (♥ω♥*) (♥ω♥*) (♥ω♥*) (♥ω♥*)

 **teabagging:** is2g my heart just melted

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** WHAT DID I DO TO DESSERVSE SUCH A CUTIE IN MY LIFEUHKSJND

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** Why do you have so much Regs on your phone tho???

 **hypeman james:** tbh my phone is 90% black brothers :/

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:******......dm me some sirius pls and thunx

 **hypeman james:** you got it babes (⌒.－)

 **hypeman james:** now back to regulAR CUTIE

**Regulus' #1 Fan: shared a screenshot.**

**Regulus' #1 Fan:** the only screenshot i have on my phone lmao

 **teabagging:** HOW IS THIS KIDS REAL IDGI

* * *

**Sirius' Other Husband**

**Jams:** tb completely h, i dont think you can take more than one of serious' gif :/

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** We've been dating for like, nearly three months. 

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** I think I've built up my tolerance to him. 

 **Jams:** :/

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** Fuckin try me, b.

**Jams: shared a GIF.**

****

**Jams:** u there moony?

 **Jams:** its been like five minutes im worried

 **Jams:** are you alive?

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** kjhioudo

 **Jams:** im sorry could you repeat that?

 **Jams:** i dont speak whipped fucker?

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** i think i just came in my pants

 **Jams:** fuckin nastyass ho

 **Sirius' Other Husband:** but i also came in my heart?

 **Jams:** SHIT YOUR FUCK UP

* * *

   **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)**

 **Moony:** I'm...............

**Moony: shared a GIF.**

****

**Moony:** Why do you have sex hair here

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** because i was pulling it in frustration

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** the train was an hour late

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** how do you poor people tolerate public transport idgi??

 **Moony:**...you just killed my boner

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** BONER!!!!!!1!!!

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** NO WAIT 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** IDK YOU WERE TURNED ON SORY LEMME GET MY GME FACE ON

 **Moony:** It's too late now.

 **Moony:** My dick:

**my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** i mean.........its not completely deflated

 **Moony:**...didn't say my dick was either ;)

 **Moony:** Send n00ds pls ;) ;)

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : shared** **a photo.**

**Moony:** hoo ly shi t

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **;)

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)** : **now you :)

* * *

**SOULMATE**

**srs:** did you send moony that gif of me?

 **SOULMATE:** ye...

 **SOULMATE:** why...

 **srs:** thank yu ;)

 **SOULMATE:** fUCKIN NASTY

* * *

**Andy the Handyman**

**srs:** hows he doing?

 **Andy the Handyman:** lil baby is not too good at dealing with his first hangover lol

 **srs:** did you ask him to talk to me?

 **Andy the Handyman:** yeh about that...

 **srs:** he said no?

 **Andy the Handyman:** yup.

 **Andy the Handyman:** he said hes nto ready to talk to you yet

 **srs:** **sent a voicenote.**   

 

> _Talk to me when you're ready, Regs, but just_ please  _talk to me. I didn't want to leave you behind but they gave no other option. She said she'd hurt you if I didn't leave immediately. Just...I love you, okay? Take care and if you go to another party, Imma whoop your ass._

**srs:** can you play that for him?

 **Andy the Handyman:** just a sec

 **Andy the Handyman:** I played it for him and his lip is wobbling like it does pre-cry

 **srs:** oh nooooo

 **srs:** i didnt wanna make him cry

 **Andy the Handyman:** he went back to his room 

 **srs:** his room?

 **Andy the Handyman:** yeah, im not fucking sending him back to walburga

 **Andy the Handyman:** hes really fucked up sirius

 **Andy the Handyman:** ive never seen him like this

 **Andy the Handyman:** hes always been quiet but today is another level

 **Andy the Handyman:** i tried to get him to talk about his latest project

 **Andy the Handyman:** hes working with some korean kid on a song rn

 **Andy the Handyman:** and he didnt even do his dorky rambling thing

 **srs:** fuck 

 **Andy the Handyman:** yeah

 **srs:** i fucked up big time yeah?

 **Andy the Handyman:** not you

 **Andy the Handyman:** your psychotic parents

 **srs:** theyre not my parents

 **Andy the Handyman:** your psychotic life-givers*

 **Andy the Handyman:** what even happened?

 **srs:** they found out about remus, called me a fag, threw me bodily down the stairs and asked me to fuck off

 **Andy the Handyman:** SIRIUS WHAT THE FUCK

 **Andy the Handyman:** REMUS SAID THEY SLAPPED YOU THAS ALL

 **srs:** i didnt tell anyone

 **srs:** the worst of the bruises are on my ribs, no one can see

 **Andy the Handyman:** you have to tell someone wht the fick

 **Andy the Handyman:** im never letting reggy go back wtf

 **srs:** they dont do that to regs

 **srs:** just me

 **srs:** but keep him with you regardless

 **srs:** im gonna tell the potters and take this to court tho

 **srs:** regs and i will move out and live on our own

 **srs:** i'll be his legal guardian and we dont need any financial help from the life-givers either

 **Andy the Handyman:** uncle alphards money?

 **srs:** yes

 **srs:** i just need to talk this through with regs first

 **srs:** like i said

 **srs:** theyre not like this with him and hes prolly attached to them somehow

 **srs:** im not gonna force him to do anything 

 **Andy the Handyman:** teddy and i will support you guys in every way that we can

 **srs:** thanks :) 

 **Andy the Handyman:** i love you babe

 **srs:** love you too ♡

 **Andy the Handyman:** sirius?

 **srs:** yeah?

 **Andy the Handyman:** youre incredibly brave and strong

 **srs:** shuT HTE FUCK UP

* * *

**Regulus Black Hype Club**

**hypeman james:** LADS

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** ye

 **teabagging:** ye

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** ye

 **hypeman james:** REGULUS POSTED HIS NEW SONG AND ITSJHFKNCDN

 **hypeman james:** IM NOTIFICATION SQUAD ON HIS YOUTUBE AND HE //JUST// POSTED IT 

 **hypeman james:** BUT ITS ALREADY BLOWING UP

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** fUCIKN LINK ME FOOL

 **hypeman james:** **shared a[video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Zcf1XhlBZI).**

 **hypeman james:** IM?????

 **hypeman james:** his voice is sO DEEP AND SMOOTH LIKE FUCKING HONEY DROWN ME IN IT?????

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** IT SAYS HE WROTE IT BUT WHATS HE SAYING??????

 **teabagging:** click on the captions thing, its translated

 **teabagging:** this is the most beautiful thing iive ever witnessed

 **hypeman james:** yo sirius where you go????????????

 **teabagging:** its been ten minutes hes surely heard it twice by now

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** James, can you go check up on him?

 ** **Regulus' #1 Fan:**** no im here

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** its perfect

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** You okay, boo?

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** yeah 

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** just

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** he said he'd write me a song one day

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and this seems like

 **teabagging:** like its for yu?

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** yes

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** when we were little

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and id get a bare good hiding for startin some shit

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** hed always stay up with me bc i obv couldnt sleep afterwards

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and we always talked about how four a.m. was the best hour in the day

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** bc it was always quiet and the world seemed peaceful and new

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and everything seemed okay

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** and it was just us two against the world and we'd talk fr hours

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** his song really 

 **Regulus' #1 Fan:** captured how four am feels

 **hypeman james:** FUCK IM COMING TO YOUR ROOM AND WERE CUDDLING IM SO EMO FOR MY BLACK BROS

 **teabagging:** you guys are the cutest siblings ever

* * *

**Squishest Squish**

**srs:** i heard four o' clock

 **srs:** its perfect

 **[** ✓ **Read 4:13 a.m.]**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Translations (links for pronunciation):**  
>  1\. Mrs. P. calls Sirius _[beta](http://www.shabdkosh.com/translate/%E0%A4%AC%E0%A5%87%E0%A4%9F%E0%A4%BE/%E0%A4%AC%E0%A5%87%E0%A4%9F%E0%A4%BE-meaning-in-Hindi-English)_ (son) and _[meri jaan](https://translate.google.com/#en/hi/my%20sweetheart)_ (my life).  
>  2\. _"Hoya ki?"_ = What happened?  
>  3\. _"Sab kuch theek ho jauga. Sab theek ho jauga. Theek hai?"_ = Everything will be okay. Everything will be okay. Okay?  
>  4\. _Nitt name_ = daily prayers. And if you want to hear what she was singing, click **[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pA4OFsEIi2E)** to hear it + a scenic view of the Sikh holy temple, _Harmandir Sahib_ or the Golden Temple.
> 
> I know the timeline of this story is vague as hell because there are no timestamps but I'd really appreciate if you guys could tell me if you're finding it easy or hard to keep up? Tbh, the timeline hasn't been very important in the past few chapters but I know it can get annoying sometimes, so lemme know :)
> 
> Photo credits: Regs eating confetti by **[@jjeongguk](http://jjeongguk.co.vu/post/161436489021/babe-trying-to-eat-the-confetti)** and Regs being a flustered boo by **[@ciutae](https://ciutae.tumblr.com/post/159974897017/precious)**. Everything else is from random google searches.
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	7. The End of Sirius' Fanboying Centre.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** is2g imma fight him
> 
>  **✿ Moonpie ✿:** Do not fight the fucking cat, Sirius. 
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** IMMA THROW HANDS (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

srs  
London

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, narcissa** and  **1,809 others.**

 **srs** my hair is a mess and so is my life

View all 505 comments.

 **jimjams** remus: //NUTS//

 **peterp** remus: //NUTS//

 **iam_liz89** god damn why arent you modelling or smth?? ✿♥‿♥✿

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**********(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** okay but can we takl about james' asshole cat?

 **Mr. Evans:** how can you call mr gingerman an asshole?????

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** this? literal? angel? an? asshole?

 **teabagging:** oh my god so floofy AKJNC

 **teabagging:** i wanna boop

 **teabagging:** wanna boop him on tha nose

 **teabagging:** wanna boop him

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** wHY THE FUKC HAVE I NEVER SEEN HIM LIKE THIS?????

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** he literally always looks lik a predator on the chase around me???

 **********(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** ** ** ** **shared a photo.**

**********(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** taken ten seconds b4 he fuckin growlfed @ me

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Petition to let growlf die 2k17

 **teabagging:** where do i sign????

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** what hv i done to desrve this attitude/???

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** is2g imma fight him

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Do not fight the fucking cat, Sirius. 

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** IMMA THROW HANDS (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

 **teabagging:** *grabs popcorn* this should be fun

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Ffs, James, stop himmm

 **Mr. Evans:** lol nahhh

 **Mr. Evans:** lmao i just heard a battle cry in the lobby

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Oh my god, this idiot.

 **Mr. Evans:** thERE WAS SCREAMING AND A THUMP

 **Mr. Evans:** AND NOW ITS SILENT SHOULD I GO SEE WHATS HAPPENING???

 **teabagging:** YAS TAKE PICTURES PLES

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a photo.**

 

 **Mr. Evans:** he dead

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** IS HE ON THE FLOOR OH MY GOD????

 **teabagging:** lmaooo whys it so blurry???

 **Mr. Evans:** im laUGHIDNNT OO HARD HO MY GODD

 **Mr. Evans:** what an idiot

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** well.....................

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** I, Sirius Black, am defeated ┬━┬ノ(▀Ĺ̯̿̿▀ ̿ノ)

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Babe, oh my god, why are you like this. 

 ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** i hoenstly dont know (╥_╥)

* * *

Remus_Lupin  
Burmingham

Liked by  **lily__, regularblack** and  **803 others.**

 **Remus_Lupin** when you can't decide if you want maccy d's or a cheeky nandos

View all 206 comments.

 **lily__** you should be in a art museum tbh

 **jimjams** sirius: //NUTS//

 **peterp** oh my god stop nutting all over instagram u two!!!! thas just unhygienic you pervs!!

 **Remus_Lupin** NONE OF US ARE NUTTING STFU  **@jimjams @peterp**

* * *

**Sirius' fanboying centre**

  **srs:** **shared an Instagram post.**

**srs:** boyss,,,

 **srs:** i done nutted

 **Jams:** CALLED IT

 **pettigrew:** CALLED IT

 **srs:** hes so

 **srs:** im so

 **srs:** it waS WORTH WAITING 11 WEEKS FOR HIM TO DROP ANOTHER INSTAGRAM PICTURE ASHKJCN

 **pettigrew:** lolz

 **srs:** i want him to him choke me with his thighs?

 **srs:** but also hug me and never let me go?

 **Jams:** lolz this gc is dead bye

**Jams deleted group chat.**

* * *

**Andy the Handyman**

**srs:** hows he doing?

 **Andy the Handyman:** gdi sirius hes still fine!!!!!

 **Andy the Handyman:** you can stop asking me how hes doing every thirty minutes!!!!!!!!!!1

**srs:**

****

**srs:** i just wnana know my regs is okay????

 **Andy the Handyman:** and ive told you a billion times that hes fine you fuckin nutsack

 **srs:** today has honestly been nuts all over wow 

 **Andy the Handyman:**...i dont even wanna know

 **Andy the Handyman:** and to answer your question

 **Andy the Handyman:** AGAIN

 **Andy the Handyman:** regulus is fine

 **Andy the Handyman:** he isnt skipping any meals, hes not being weirdly quiet, hes laughed five times today

 **Andy the Handyman:** he even did the giggle 

 **Andy the Handyman:** you know the one

 **srs:** oh my god the adorable cutiepie Giggle™

 **Andy the Handyman:** ya that one

 **Andy the Handyman:** hes helping some dude in australia with a song right now 

**Andy the Handyman: shared a photo.**

****

**Andy the Handyman:** so yes, he is F I N E

 **Andy the Handyman:** ask me one more time and i will personally come and m u r d e r you

 **srs:**...damn okie bye

 **Andy the Handyman:** oh wait 

 **Andy the Handyman:** did you talk to him though?

 **srs:** no

 **srs:** he unblockd me and reads my messages

 **srs:** but he stll hasnt replied

 **Andy the Handyman:** and did you talk to the potters?

 **srs:** yes

 **Andy the Handyman:** how did it go

 **srs:** it was so ufckin embarrassing you cant even imagine

 **srs:** they took me to the coppers and shit

 **Andy the Handyman:** for what?

 **srs:** so they could record my statement and injuries and shit

 **Andy the Handyman:** so youre definitely going through with this?

 **srs:** 100%

 **srs:** i just need an answer from regs first

 ** **Andy the Handyman:**** i'll ask him to talk to you today

 **srs:** dont force him

 **srs:** he'll come himself

 **srs:** and please dont tell him about the

 **srs:** injuries or anything

 **srs:** i dont want him to now

 **srs:** know*

 **Andy the Handyman:** sirius hes gonna find out anyway

 **Andy the Handyman:** esp if this goes to court

 **srs:** i know but

 **srs:** i wanna keep it from him for as long as i can

 **srs:** they hadnt done that to me in years and he genuinely thought they were getting better

 **srs:** i dont want to take that away from him

 ** **Andy the Handyman:**** i wish my siblings were one-fourth as amazing as you

 **srs:** aw shucks (／≧ω＼)

 **Andy the Handyman:** have you told remus yet?

 **srs:** nah, just mom and dad

 **Andy the Handyman:** why the fuck not srs seriously

 **srs:** "srs seriously"

 **srs:** same reason as regs

 **srs:** ill tell them all when i have to 

 **srs:** cant be arsed right now

 **Andy the Handyman:** waIT REGS WANTS TO GO HOME

 **srs:** HE WHAT

 **Andy the Handyman:** he just asked me if i could drive him to grimmauld place so he can get his shit

 **srs:**.......................well you cant say no to him tho fuck

 **Andy the Handyman:** i know fuck 

 **Andy the Handyman:** okay im taking him now

 **srs:** don't leave him alone for a single second around walburga and orion if theyre home

 **Andy the Handyman:** i dont think theyre home

 **Andy the Handyman:** but ill keep an eye on him

 **srs:** thanks andy youre the best

 **Andy the Handyman:** i mean, i know, but its nice to hear it

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**teabagging:** oh my god i aM CACKLING 

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** **????

 **teabagging:** i found a real life picture of james and sirius

 **teabagging:** the most A c c u r a t e™ picture of them ever

 **Mr. Evans:** i am curious, but cautious 

 **teabagging:** **shared a photo.**

****

************(ᵔᴥᵔ):************ oh my FOD IT US

 **Mr. Evans:** LMAO TRUEEEEEEEE

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ** I am printing this out and getting it framed for you both. 

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ** Peter, you're a genius. 

 **teabagging:** i caNt stopp lauifhing ohm y god

* * *

**Baemus Lupin <3**

**srs:** babe i made you a playliist

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **..................

 **srs:** babe wheres your enthusiasm

 **Baemus Lupin <3: ** **. . . . .**

 **srs:**....

 **srs:** i'll take what i can get ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**srs: shared a screenshot.**

**Baemus Lupin <3: shared a photo. **

**srs:** KSHJfoisjdlclbfem f,bf

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **What's wrong, babe? ⊙０⊙

 **srs:** fuck moony

 **srs:** babe fuck

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **You okay there, boo? ⚈ ̫ ⚈

 **srs:** i.....didnt think youd

 **srs:** you are

 **srs:** fuk i

 **srs:** the things i want to do to you

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **SHIT MOMS CALLING MBYE

 **srs:** OH MY GOD I AM SO SICK OF BEING COCKBLOCKED

 **srs:** (இ﹏இ`｡)

 **srs:** whats it gna take for two bros to nut together without being interrupted by someone (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **honestly

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **whats it gonna take for me to finally get my mouth all over you

 **srs:** fuvkksuh

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **Sirius?

 **srs:** yes?

**Baemus Lupin <3: shared a photo. **

****

**srs:**....why did i expect anything else

 **Baemus Lupin <3: **bye babeeee ヾ(＾∇＾)

* * *

**Sirius the Mysterious**

**Andromeda:** shit sirius he foudn out

 **Andromeda:** reAD YOUR MESSAGES YOU FUCKIN DONUT HE FOUND OUT

* * *

  **Squishest Squish is calling.**

* * *

"Regulus? Are you okay?" Sirius said frantically as soon as he picked up the phone. "Were Walburga and Orion home?"

"Calm down, _hyung_ ," Regulus said and it soothed something within Sirius to hear his brother's voice after so many days. "They're not home."

Too concerned with how wobbly and pre-cry Regulus sounded, it took Sirius a few second to process everything Regulus had just said. "Wait, did you just call me  _hyung?"_ Sirius asked incredulously. Regulus was the only younger sibling he had in his entire extended family and since they'd stopped talking to each other in Korean years ago, it had been a while since anyone had ever addressed Sirius as  _hyung._

"Yeah," Regulus replied simply, voice still rough the way it always got when he felt too emotional. "Aren't you my  _hyung?"_

 _Fuck, here come the tears,_ Sirius thought to himself as a ball lodged itself in his throat. 

"Of course I am," he said gruffly. "Just...a little taken aback. How are you, Regs?"

"Why didn't you tell me?" Regulus said and Sirius just  _knew_ that his little brother had started crying.

"Tell you what?" 

"Stop pretending like you don't know what I'm talking about!" he exclaimed. "Kreacher told me everything! Why didn't you tell me they hurt you again? That they'd been hurting you all this while when I wasn't around?"

"Regs," Sirius sighed, unsure of what to say. "You didn't exactly give me an opportunity to tell you, with the whole blocking me and everything."

"Yeah, and you would've told me if I hadn't? Would you really have told me everything, the whole truth, if I hadn't blocked you?" Regulus said angrily and Sirius wisely didn't say anything. "If you really wanted to tell me, you could've asked Andy to play a voicenote for me! If not that, you could've sent me messages about the real issue here after I unblocked you, instead of writing me short stories about your supposed win against Mr. Gingerman."

Sirius frowned. "What do you mean, 'supposed win?' I did win! He's now scared shitless of me."

"Sure," Regulus scoffed. "Even now, you're just dancing around all of it. Stop trying to protect me! I'd rather not be lied to!" 

"Fuck,  _fine!"_ Sirius exclaimed impatiently. He hated things like these, hated confrontations, hated an upset Regulus and absolutely  _loathed_ being called out on his shit. "What do you want me to say? You already know everything, so what do you want me to say?"

"What do I want you to say?" Regulus replied, voice coming out in an angered sob that made Sirius' heart sink in guilt. "I want you to tell me that you still care about me even though I could never protect you from them! I want you to tell me that you won't just abandon me again. I don't want to live with Andromeda and Teddy, I want to live with _you!_ You're my only family, how could you just...leave me? Am I that horrible,  _hyungie?"_

"Fuck, no, Regs," Sirius said desperately as he paced his room in agitation, tears streaming down his face at the broken little _'hyungie_. _'_ Regulus hadn't called him that since he had been four years old. "You're getting this all wrong." 

"I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, I'm so, s-so sorry," Regulus continued sobbing. "I'll try to be better. I'll try to be a better brother, just please don't leave me. P-Please."

"I would never leave you, Regs,  _never,"_ Sirius cried back. "Fuck, this isn't how I wanted this to go at all but-Fuck it. I was planning on adopting you, Regs."

"W-What?" Regulus asked softly, sniffling a little. 

"I'm twenty one and rich enough to put ten people through university and still live comfortably for the rest of my life, thanks to Uncle Alphard," Sirius explained. "I'm legally allowed to adopt and I have enough evidence to prove that Walburga and Orion are incompetent parents. We'll get a place for ourselves and you can finally do your music thing for real and I can be gay in fucking peace. I was never going to leave you, Regs."

Regulus let out a chocked breath at that. "Why didn't you  _tell_ me? I thought you were going to leave me with Andy and Teddy! I-I-"

"I'm sorry, Regs," Sirius said earnestly, chest aching at hearing his brother still sobbing at the other end of the line. "I wanted to do this face to face, not like this. I wanted you to make your own decision, without knowing how they were with me. They love you and they've never been mean to you. I didn't want to influence your decision."

"I have never loved them or thought of them as my parents," Regulus said vehemently - well, as vehemently as you can when you're still stuttering in between cries. "You are more of a father to me than  _abeoji_ will ever be." 

"Fuck, Regs, you're making me real emo here," Sirius said with a watery laugh. "Don't worry about anything, okay? Just take your things and come here, to the Potter house. I already talked to them about it and they're fine with you staying here. Now that you're on board, we can finally get this plan into motion." 

"We're really gonna do it?"

"Yes, we are," Sirius replied, smiling. 

 _"Hyung,_ will we be rich enough to hire Kreacher as our valet?" Regulus asked innocently and Sirius groaned internally. "I don't want to leave him with them."

Kreacher was...a pain in Sirius' homosexual ass. He was just as homophobic and Christian as his life-givers and Sirius wanted nothing to do with him. But Kreacher had basically raised Regulus and cared deeply for his little brother so...

"Of course," Sirius said with a defeated sigh. "Where's the Korean coming from, though?" 

Regulus did the adorable, cutiepie Giggle™ and Sirius' insides melted into a tiny puddle. "I know you can't say no to me when I call you  _hyung,"_ he answered. 

"You're such a piece of shit."

_"Hyung!"_

"An  _adorable_ piece of shit," Sirius immediately amended. 

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**************(ᵔᴥᵔ):************** so i gotta come clean about some things...

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ** Fucking finally. 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Click on links for pronunciation!**  
>  _"[Hyung"](http://translate.naver.com/#/en/ko/An%20elder%20brother)_ is used to refer to an older brother in Korean - and _"hyungie"_ is a cutified version of that. _["Abeoji"](http://translate.naver.com/#/en/ko/Father)_ is the most formal way of saying dad because I'm imagining that they were always forced to be formal and disciplined around their ~~parents~~ life-givers.
> 
> Ngl, I teared up a little when I was writing the narrative bit for the Black Brothers. I honestly don't know why I have such a deep-seated love for writing innocent, lil baby!Regulus and protective, older brother!Sirius, but all my Harry Potter fanfiction has glimpses of their adorable relationship in them.
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**.


	8. Internet Support Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **smackdown:** james i swear to all the gods of hell, if i find out sirius is fucking up with my son, i will m u r d e r
> 
>  **Jams:** excuse you but i have done nothing to be threatened?
> 
>  **Jams:** i dont even know a sirius? who he? some typa food?

**Internet Support Group**

**imaan:** i got something

**imaan: shared a photo.**

**smackdown:** OH MY GOD I AM CRIUGN

 **Moony:** I, too, am criugn.

 **smackdown:** stfu -_-

 **Jams:** i have worse

**Jams: shared a photo.**

**stay-c:** NO MY CHILDHOOOOOOODDDDDD

 **imaan:** JAMES POTTER

 **imaan:** YOU DARE CHALLENGE ME IN THE WAR OF INTERNET TRAUMA

 **imaan:** WELL I GOT TRAUMA FOR YOU IN TWO PARTS

 **Jams:** im trembling in me boots

 **Jams:** **shared a photo.**

**smackdown:** that does look like you tbh

 **Jams:** lily pls stop roasting me 

 **smackdown:** consider urself smacked tf down B)

 **imaan:** part one

**imaan: shared a photo.**

**stay-c:**................looks okay.....

 **imaan:** part two

 **Jams:** why tf am i so scared omg

**imaan: shared a photo.**

**Moony:** THAT IS THE WORST THINGI HAVE EVER SEEN DELETE IT 

 **smackdown:** I AM !!!

 **Jams:** WHY DID I CHALLEGNE YOU WHY 

 **stay-c:** I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS JKASDNCKEJ ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽

 **imaan:** well you once had boyfriend called rodolphus lestrange so ¯\\_(⊙_ʖ⊙)_/¯

 **imaan:** maybe you still need to be punished for that

 **Jams:** what is that ugly shrug and why do you know how to make it

 **smackdown:** damn imaan, its //you// who should be called smackdown

 **imaan:** thanks lils, i try 

 **stay-c:** excuse you, i didnt have a boyfriend, i had a //mistake// -_-

 **Moony:** LMAOOOOOOO

 **Jams:** OH THAT REMINDS ME

 **Jams:** **@stay-c** give us the deets on yo bffl and his girlfriend

 **Jams:** hes so private about it, its making me suspicious

 **Moony:** Yeah, are they okay? I'm worried.

 **smackdown:** wait peter is dating someone?????

 **imaan:** yeah he posted on insta, where have you been???

**imaan: shared an Instagram post.**

**smackdown:** OH MY GOD CUTEEEEEEEE

 **smackdown:** wait whos she? i dont think there was a ziyi at hogwarts?

 **Jams:** shes from his hometown

 **Moony:** **@stay-c** where did you go?

 **stay-c:** im here sors

 **stay-c:** ya theyre good

 **stay-c:** no problems there at all

 **stay-c:** theyre so in love

 **imaan:**...is it just me or does all of this sound very fake?

 **Moony:** It isn't just you.

 **stay-c:** no im srs

 **Jams:** no youre stacy

 **imaan:** leave the jokes to me, bub, youre only embarrassing yourself

 **Jams:** ( ｉдｉ )

 **stay-c:** peter is so in love

 **stay-c:** weve been best frends since we were 3 and ive never seen him this happy

 **smackdown:** okay and what about ziyi? shes just as in love and happy yeah?

 **imaan:** the fact that you keep disappearing is only making me even more suspicious

 **stay-c:** oh my god stop it

 **stay-c:** my little brother keeps bothering me

 **stay-c:** but theyre both very happy and in love

**stay-c: shared a photo.**

****

**stay-c:** look at them being adorable at the beach yesterday (●´□`)♡

 **stay-c:** oh aND HOWS IT GOING WITH YOUR MANS REMUS LUPIN???

 **stay-c:** cant believe after literally //years// you guys finally got your shit together

 **smackdown:** look at stacy swerving to another topic (⊙_☉)

 **Jams:** im even more worried about pete than i was before

 **Moony:** It's going okay.

 **imaan:** '''''''OKAY"''''''??/?

 **imaan:** youve been pining for him for more than ten years boi!!!!!!

 **Moony:** I know! And it's great!

 **smackdown:** babes you okay?

 **Moony:** Yesssss

 **Moony:** I gtg though bye

 **Jams:**.....................................i am now worried about both pete AND sirius

 **Jams:** what the fuck is happening

 **imaan:** is2g i just wanted to share some memes and have some laffs i didnt sign up for this

 **smackdown:** james i swear to all the gods of hell, if i find out sirius is fucking up with my son, i will m u r d e r

 **Jams:** excuse you but i have done nothing to be threatened?

 **Jams:** i dont even know a sirius? who dat? some typa food?

* * *

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE**

**Jams:** yo srs where are you

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** @ uni, y?

 **Jams:** you have a class today?

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** ye, eng 1100

 **Jams:** so

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**????

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** OH MY GOD DID SOMETHIGN HAPPEN? IS REGULUS OKAY?

 **Jams:** yeah yeah hes good

 **Jams:** doing his hw like a good lil boy

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** then???????

 **Jams:** i was just wondering...you know

 **Jams:** are you and remus okay?

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** James, I'm leaving class and calling you. 

 **Jams:** NO DONT

 **Jams:** AND DONT TYPE LIKE THAT IT FREAKS ME OUT

 **Jams:** i just meant

 **Jams:** you guys dont do the stupid mushy mushy shit in the gc anymore

 ** **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**** idk ive just been so busy wit the whole fighting my parents in court shit

 **Jams:** i know i just

 **Jams:** i know remus means a lot to you 

 **Jams:** and i dont want you to lose him 

 **Jams:** not that 

 **Jams:** NOT THAT I THINK YOURE GONNA LOSE HIM WHAT? WHO SAID THAT?

 **Jams:** but like

 **Jams:** i worry about you boo

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** james wheres this coming from

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** did remus say smth to you?

 **Jams:** no its just i was thinking about what you said when you were drunk that one time

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** youre gonna have to specify bc ive been drunk half my life

 **Jams:** when you said smth like the love you haave for remus is the forever kind of love 

 **Jams:** "the old hindi songs type of love"

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** yes, it is

 **Jams:** yeah. i just worry about you.

 **Jams:** i want you to have a good happy healthy relationship

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** james baby stop worrying

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** we're good

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** i mean, we havent really had a lot of time to talk between my classes, his work and my fucking court case

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** but we're good

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** if anything goes wrong, you'll be the first one i'll talk to

 **Jams:** okay bab

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** now

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** i have a n00d i wanna send remus 

 **Jams:** OH IS IT NUDES RATING TIME?????

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** yes it is ;) 

* * *

 

regularblack  
London

Liked by  **srs, fabian_w** and  **17,024 others.**

 **regularblack** this new bed is very comfortable ♡ ps: i finally uploaded my cover of sweet creature! 

View all 10,983 comments.

 **Remus_Lupin** A PUPPY! ♡(ŐωŐ人)

 **ignite_** damn daddy i'd really love to find out how comfy your bed is ;) ps: those fingers should be inside me ;)

 **Remus_Lupin** I will fucking destroy you if you write shit like that again  **@ignite_**

 **jimjams** **@ignite_** who the fuck is you hoe? get the fuck away from regs before i come for you

 **srs** you say disgusting crap like that to my brother one more fucking time and i will shit on you  **@ignite_**

 **lily__** **@ignite_** you better run before i get my hands on you

 **fabian_w** gtfo my son, you stds infested tomato  **@ignite_**

 **gideon** i know how to hack  **@ignite_**

 **peter_p** he is underage you fucking piece of lint  **@ignite_**

 **narcissa** the cutest baby ever!! ( **@ignite_** this has already been screenshotted and sent to your boyfriend :)

 **regularblack** OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU GUYS SO EXTRA AHHHH

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** I made a meme. 

**********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** shared a photo. **

**********(ᵔᴥᵔ):********** i love you so much?????????????????????

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** ヽ(o♡o)/ 

 **teabagging:** so youre okay with sirius' short hair now?

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** UM? I was always okay with Sirius' short hair?

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** Long hair who? I don't know her?

 **Mr. Evans:** (ΘLΘ)

 **Mr. Evans:** look at this phake ass actin like he didnt have ten separate heart attacks when he found out serious was cutting his hair

 **teabagging:**  all i can do is hope thatone day you'll remember which words have an f in them and which ones have a ph in them

 **Mr. Evans:** well english is a stupid language so you can shut the PHUCK UP U USELESS POTATO

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** anYWAY

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** SEND ME A PICTURE OF YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE BABE I HAVENT SEEN YOU IN SO LONG

 **Mr. Evans:** OH HO HO HO he can send you more than that ;) ;) ;)

 **teabagging:**???

 **Mr. Evans:** lets just say i have recently rated one of his nudes as 1000000000/10 ;) ;) ;) ;) ;) ;)

 **teabagging:** WHAT THE FACK

 **teabagging:** YOU SHARE NUDES WITH EACH OTHER WHAT THE FUCK?????

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** I mean,,,,,am I supposed to be surprised?

 **Mr. Evans:** and you call yourself smart, pete?

 **Mr. Evans:** how else is serious supposed to know if his nudes are good enough to give remus a stiffy?

 ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** Please think before you speak, I beg you. 

**pettigrew has left "We Dem Bois."**

**********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** Look at what you've done. 

 **Mr. Evans:** im just stating facts here ʅ（´◔౪◔）ʃ

 ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):************ what is that disgustign shrug emoticon get rid of it

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** Smh, did Imaan teach you that?

 **Mr. Evans:** you bet she did 乁ʕ •̀ •́ ʔㄏ

 ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):************** imaan from ravenclaw?

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** Yeah, she used one in the group chat before. 

 ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):************ oh the one where you send each other traumatizing thigns you find online?

 **Mr. Evans:** ye

 **Mr. Evans:** you wouldnt believe how many more ugly emoticons there are i was shocked

 ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):************.................teach me?

 ** ** ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** ** Jesus F Christ. 

* * *

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)**

 **Moony:** So where is this infamous nude?

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** MOONY I CANT JUST SEND IT LIKE THAT

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** i need to build up the mood first

 **Moony:** I like where this is going (≧▽≦)

 **Moony:** BUT BUT

 **Moony:** I actually wanted to talk to you about something. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** is everything okay love?

 **Moony:** Yeah, I just wanted to know when you think we can meet up（＾ω＾）

 **Moony:** I really, really want to see you again. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** ahh so do i babe

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** but between classes and this whole Black Family Bullshit

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** i dont think we can meet up any time soon :((((

 **Moony:** Oh, yeah, it's okay ⊂◉‿◉つ

 **Moony:** I just wish we could see each other more, you know...

 **Moony:** We've been dating for three months now and we've gone on exactly two dates. 

 **Moony:** I feel like I had more of you to myself before we started dating. 

 **Moony:** I don't know, I'm being silly, aren't I?

 ** **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):**** not even a little, my moony

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** i feel every single thing you're saying

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** and i wish i could fix it

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** if only you could come visit us here :(((((

 **Moony:** I wish I could come to London too :((

 **Moony:** But my boss is gonna chuck my ass out if I take one more day off :(((

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):**...have you been taking a lot of days off?

 **Moony:** Not recently, no. 

 **Moony:** But I've had more than my fair share of holidays in the past. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** Remus?

 **Moony:** Yeah?

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** You'd tell me if things aren't too good for you, yeah?

 **Moony:** Of course. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** okay

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** nude time?

 **Moony:** Ummmm, is it okay if I say no?

 **Moony:** Don't feel like having sex right now. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** OF COURSE YOU CAN SAY NO WHAT THE HELL

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** we can just talk if thats what you want

 **Moony:** I'm actually gonna go now. 

 **Moony:** Goodnight. 

 **my mans**   **(ღ˘⌣˘ღ):** goodnight babe <3 

* * *

im.imaan  
London

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, lily__** and  **203 others.**

 **im.imaan** all my days are good hair days 乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ

View all 97 comments.

 **lily__** i want you to pee in my eye

 **Remus_Lupin** i want you to strangle me with your thighs

 **g.stacy** i want you to sit on my face and smother me

 **hammam.k** I want you to get better friends x dad

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Jams added pettigrew to "We Dem Bois."**

**Mr. Evans:** do you ever take a shit that turns your body inside out

 **Mr. Evans:** but its so satisfying

**pettigrew left "We Dem Bois."**

****************(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** LMAO HE BLOCKED US

 **Mr. Evans:** LMAOOOO

 **Mr. Evans:** i cant wait for him to come visit next week

 **Mr. Evans:** i got so much bants :)))))

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell, this is mostly a filler chapter to introduce a some new characters (ARE THEY RELEVANT TO THE STORY? WHO KNOWS?) and get some tiny plot points started. I know it's not very funny and I'm as disappointed as you are, but it's going to get more serious from here. I think. I have a shit sense of humour that tries to get into every scene though so who knows ¯\\_༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽_/¯
> 
> Fancast: Imaan Hammam, a beautiful goddess who deserves more recognition, as Imaan Hammam, a fictional badass character I created.
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com/)**.


	9. B TO THE D TO THE S TO THE M

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Mr. Evans:** a lil concerned with the 42% daddy/mommy issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, that's a real website. Yes, I did the test four times with four different mentalities so I could get what I wanted. Yes, I have no shame.

**We Dem Bois**

**srs added pettigrew to "We Dem Bois."**

****************(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** are you on your way baby boy?

 **teabagging:** 1\. im on the bus and its leaving in five

 **teabagging:** 2\. call me baby boy one more time and im going to slap your dick

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** im gonna have to kinkshame you pete

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****************** im really not into pain kink ://

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** or id let you ://

**teabagging: shared a GIF.**

****

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Lmaooo Peter isn't even in London yet and he's already done with you both.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** what??? he loves us

 **teabagging:** i would let you be murdered right in front of my eyes and only laugh

 **Mr. Evans:** thats just mean (ಠ⌣ಠ)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** hes just saying that

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i know he loves me and my pretty little butt

 **Mr. Evans:** its true, his butt is very pretty

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Excuse you? Who is the boyfriend here?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** But yes, his butt is very pretty. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i could send you a pictuure if you want  **@pettigrew**

 **teabagging:** please no

 **teabagging:** you forget that weve been friends since we were eleven

 **teabagging:** and ive witnessed your and james' fondness for constant nudity in the dorms

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** MANKIND WAS MEANT TO BE NAKED PETE AND CLOTHES RESTRICT MY CREAATIVITY

 **teabagging:** mankind was supposed to use their fucking brains and make clothes to protect them from the elements, you fucking nose zit

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** that.............is honestly the worst thing ive ever beenn called

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** **shared a GIF.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Why are there so many Kardashians on here today?

 **Mr. Evans:** the real question is why dont we have kardashians here every single day

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** PLEASE NO

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** why must you be a hater remus

* * *

 **teabagging:** oh my god the guy next to me on the bus is sobbing while reading a book

 **teabagging:** im trying to see the title

 **teabagging:** do i comfort him???????????????????? i feel so fucking awkward

 **teabagging:** its the book thief, the poor sod

* * *

 **teabagging:** GUYS HES STILL CRYING ITS BEEN TWENTY MINUTES

 **teabagging:** i just pat his thigh and said there there

 **teabagging:** GUYS HES SOBBING HARDER WHAT DO

* * *

 **teabagging:** SOMEONE HELP ME HE WONT STOP CRIODSJ

 **teabagging:** E JUST RIPPED THE BOOK INTO TWO AND THREW IT OUT OF THE BUS 

 **teabagging:** IM

 **teabagging:** HE LOOKED ME IN THE EYE AND SAID

 **teabagging:** I DONT NEED THIS NEGATIVE ENERGY IN MY LIFE 

 **teabagging:** TODAY IS THE DAY OF T HE KARDASHIANS LMAOOOOOOOOOO

 **teabagging:** remus is this you?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**  **SHUT THE FUCK UP IM NOT THAT BAD

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** (¬_¬)

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a photo.**

 ****

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** IM NOT LYING????

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I have never thrown a book out of a moving bus. 

 **teabagging:**.............remus

 **teabagging:** are you forgetting the incident of 2011

 **Mr. Evans:** I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT ABOUT THAT

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** shared a photo.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** are we referring to the swinging from the chandelier while drunk incident or the random bonfire incident?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** because they both happened in 2011 and were both fucking brilliant

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** YEAH LETS TALK ABOUT THE CHANDELIER INCIDEN T

 **teabagging:** this isnt about me remus

 **teabagging:** this is about you and your hatred for 50 shades of grey

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** LISTEN

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** IT DOESNT DESERVE TO BE THIS POPULAR WHEN IT IS THE WORST REPRESENTATION OF BDSM AND RELATIONSHIPS IN GENERAL

 **Mr. Evans:** oh and you know a lot about bdsm?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Yes! But you don't even need to know anything about bdsm to know how fucked up and disgusting and disturbing that shit was. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** is that rilly enough reason to burn down every copy of the book in the public library remus

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** UM??? YES?????????????

 **teabagging:** wild

* * *

lily__  
London

Liked by  **imaan, pettigrew** and  **109** **others.**

 **lily__** *makes it black and white so the red hair isn't too blinding*

View all 403 comments.

 **jimjams** IDC BLIND ME WITH YOUR HAIR ITS PERFECT

 **Remus_Lupin** you are astounding in b&w and in colour so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **regularblack** ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

 **lily__ @regularblack** ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** peter hasnt been home for five minutes and hes already sick of everything

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a GIF.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** loooooool

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** What did you guys say to him? Why is he giving you guys Disappointed But Not Surprised Face?

 **Mr. Evans:** i honestly dontt know

 **Mr. Evans:** i was just telling him about the massive dump i took???

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** shared a GIF.**

**teabagging:** remus why arent you heree

 **teabagging:** theyre driving me nuts and regs is out with his friends :((((

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** I miss you guys so much ⊂(・﹏・⊂)

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I wish we could go back in time and get back to Hogwarts. 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** me too :((((((((((((((((((

 **Mr. Evans:** now youve made me sad remus

 **Mr. Evans:** its jsut so horrible that htat was home and now well never go back

 **teabagging:** never live in our fart infested dorms, never play pranks on snape again

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** never have a class with mcgonagall again

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** never swing drunk from the chandelier in the great hall while singing my neck, my back

 **teabagging:** remUS WE DONT TALK ABOUT HTAT 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** damn im really gonna start crying

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** im already cryign

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** OH MOONY NO

 **teabagging:** oh baby, you want to skype?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** yes pleaes

* * *

**pettigrew changed group name to "B TO THE D TO THE S TO THE M."**

**srs changed group name to "BDSM!!!!"**

**Jams left "BDSM!!!!"**

**Moony added Jams to "BDSM!!!!"**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Don't ruin my fun, Jamie Boy.

 **Mr. Evans:** NO I REFUSE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS

 **Mr. Evans:** I WILL NOT GO TO THESE EXTENTS TO MAKE MOONY HAPPY I REGUSE

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** JAAAAAMES DONT BE A SPOILSPORT

 **teabagging:** fine ill go first if it makes you feel any better

 **teabagging:** send me the link moons

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** bdsmtest.org 

 **Mr. Evans:** NO THAT DOES //NOT// MAKE ME FEEL BETTER

 **Mr. Evans:** YOURE NOT EVEN VANILLA, YOURE STRAIGHT UP TASTELESS ICE BECAUSE YOU'RE FUCKING //ACE//

 **Mr. Evans:** ONLY IM THE ONE WHOS GONNA GET EXPOSED

 **teabagging:** tbh my bets are on remus

 **teabagging:** hes the most sexually active out of all of us

 **teabagging:** and he just looks like he has some wild kinks

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** What the fuck does that mean?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** tbh my bets are on moons too

 **Mr. Evans:** //now// i feel better

 **Mr. Evans:** remus has a wild imagination, im placing all bets on him too

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** How the fuck do you know what typa imagination I have?

 **Mr. Evans:** your sexts with serious are fuckin wiiiiiiiild

 **teabagging:**.....................

**teabagging: shared a GIF.**

**teabagging:** **@Moony** doesnt it make you uncomfortable how close they are

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Not really?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Mostly because we grew up together and I'm used to it. 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** But also, I don't mind Sirius telling James everything. I'm a pretty open person anyway, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** use an ugly shrugg remus

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** you know u want to

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** I really fucking don't. 

 **teabagging:** OKAY THE RESULTS ARE IN

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** shared a GIF.**

**Mr. Evans:** relly intreseted in that non-monogamist thing

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** "intreseted"

 **teabagging:** 乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** pETER NOT YOU TOO

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** YAAASSSSS PETER JOIN THE UGLY SHRUG REVOLUTION

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ill go next bc i already did it 

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

**teabagging:** "98% brat" holy shit this test is so fucking accurate

 **Mr. Evans:** a lil concerned with the 42% daddy/mommy issues

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** tbh so am i

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** idek why thats on there bc nothing makes my dick shrivel up faster than the thought of any parents

 **Mr. Evans:** okay mine i spretty similar to yours

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

**teabagging:** "100% brat" WOW SO ACCURATE IM SHOOKETH

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** "77% submissive" WOW SO ACCURATE IM SHOOKETH

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** HOE 42% DADDY/MOMMY KINK WTF

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** #SOULMATESGOALS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** WHEN EVN YOUR BDSM TEST RESULTS ARE THE FUCKING SAME????????? 

 **Mr. Evans:** lmaooooo i read the more info thing

 **Mr. Evans:** and the daddy mommy thing is mostly wanting to be tken care of

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** Oh thank fuck.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** LMAO WERE YOU WORRIED ID WANT TO CAL YOU DADDY REMUS?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** A LITTLE TBH

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** And you know I have a hard time saying no to people. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** But I'll take care of you all you want baby ಠ‿↼

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** JKhfoijdf GTFO

 **teabagging:** aight your turn remus and then u can go be gross with your boyfriend on another chat

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** pls dont kinkshame me i cant help who i am as a person

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**.........a little scared, a little intrigued, a whole lot turned on

 **teabagging:** ON ANOTHER CHAT FUCKER

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** lmao kay

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** **shared a photo.**

**teabagging:** holy god in heaven who hurt you remus

 **teabagging:** why do you want to tie up people so much that its fuCKING ONE HUNDRED PERSON

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** I DONT KNOW HASJKNCM<A ITS HOT OKAY

 **Mr. Evans:** i mean,,, seerious is 56% rope bunny so i guess that works out for you guys

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** guyss

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i just imagined it

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and i might be 100% rope bunny

 **Mr. Evans:** LMAOOOOOO WHEN YOUR KINK IS REMUS

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** BABE AWWW

 **teabagging:** you guys are so fuckin weird 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** also jams now owes me 100 bucks :)))

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** WHY AM I NOT SURPRISED

 **teabagging:** they bet on you being a wholeass dom or smth

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** Wjkhoiusaodu WI M SORRY OKAY

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** I CANT HELP WHO I AM AS A PERSON

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** And honestly, this test is kinda bullshit. It exaggerates things a lil too much. 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** For example, "73% degrader" is not true. It's hot in some situations and very, very mild but this just seems like a lot. 

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** And some of the questions were kinda vague. And weird. 

 **teabagging:** gotta agree there tho

 **teabagging:** the wording was also very weird in a couple things

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** also...............i dont think any of us (minus james) is actually gonna have sex that could be considered bdsm

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** maybe once in a blue moon but it seems way too much effort to me???

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** And the everyday sex appeals more to me than this does, tbh. 

 **Mr. Evans:** "minus jams" fuck you 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** am i wrong, spankmybuttcheeks19???

 **Mr. Evans:** lisTen,, its really fuckin hot to not be in control of things okay?

 **Mr. Evans:** i reufse to be kinkshamed in my own damn house

 **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** I wonder if Lily is into that. 

 **Mr. Evans:**...hwos that relevant to this conversation?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** **????????

 **teabagging:** isnt she the one you eventually want to have kinky sex with for the rest of your life?

 **Mr. Evans:** NO? WHT THE FUCK?

 **Mr. Evans:** i dont like her like that????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** what the fuck are you saying right now

 **Mr. Evans:** i love her and shes so smart and gorgeous and unreal

 **Mr. Evans:** but i dont //actually// want her, ya know?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** buddy, look at your username for a second

 **Mr. Evans:**....

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

**Mr. Evans:** but seriously, is that what you all think??? that i want to marry her and have sex with her??????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** you hAVE TEN IMAGINARY CHILDREN WITH HER JAMES WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN ON ABOUT RIGHT NOW

 **teabagging:** i m so confused whats happening

**pettigrew changed group name to "the fall of jily."**

**pettigrew changed username to "sad."**

**sad:** ive done nothing to desrve this (༎ຶ⌑༎ຶ)

 **Mr. Evans:** listen, i thought you guys knew

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** KNEW WHTAT??

 **Mr. Evans:** im in love with the //idea// of her

 **Mr. Evans:** i feel like i dont even know the actual her, ya feel?

 **Mr. Evans:** why do you think ive never actually persued her?

 **sad:** pursued* but carry on

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** FUCKER YOU ASKED HER OUT EEVRY THURSDAY AT HOGSWARTS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** YOU SHOWERED HER IN PRESENTS EVERY VALENTINES

 **Mr. Evans:** yeah, and all the while, i was dating other people 

 **sad:** because your one-sided (but not really) love for her was so painful that you were trying to get over her by fucking around.

 **Mr. Evans:** no.

 **Mr. Evans:** because i was interested in other poeple and was in love with those people.

 **Mr. Evans:** and i never did stupid thigns like decorate the entire in school with lilies for their birthdays with the girls i dated

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** because you never loved those girls as much as you love lily

 **Mr. Evans:** no.

 **Mr. Evans:** because all of the stupid, extravagant shit was a JOKE. 

 **Mr. Evans:** this is real life not a cheesy romcom omg

 **Mr. Evans:** how did you guys not know this???????????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** james i 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** what are you saying

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im coming to your room

 **sad:** iM ALREADY HERE AND HES STILL INSISTING HE DOESNT ACTUALLY LOVE HER

 **Mr. Evans:** MY GO DYOU GUYS ARE NNOYING WAIT

**Mr. Evans: sent a voicenote.**

> _I'm sorry for sinking your ship, but I honestly thought you guys knew how I really felt. I love Lily because I idolise her. She's so perfect and lovely and amazing, but I know we would never work out. We're too different and we clash too much. We're great friends and that is all I ever want to be. Maybe one day, some day, I'll get to know her outside of us playing around with each other and then we can give it a shot. But right now, it's just not going to happen. We don't even_ know  _each other. She just sees me as an annoying little boy with a little boy crush and I see her as something bigger than a regular human being, which is not a good base for a healthy relationship. I'm sorry._

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** when the fuck did you get so mature

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** James, I respect your wishes and I promise not to make a secret shipping group chat where we try to get you both together. 

 **Mr. Evans:**...that doesnt sound suspicious at al

 **sad:** all im hearing is that youre willing to date if you can really get to know each other

 **Mr. Evans:** yeah sure

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** I am definitely not going to set you guys up in my secret group chat that's definitely not called "Jily will rise."

 **Mr. Evans:** jesus f christ

* * *

**Moony created "Jily will rise."**

**Moony added srs, pettigrew, imaan, stay-c, gideon, fabian_w and regulusb to "Jily will rise."**

**Moony changed username to "Fanboy #1."**

**Fanboy #1:** All genders, we have gathered here today because we have a crisis™

 **fabian_w:** fuck youre starting to sound like sirius

 **regulusb:** what a compliment!

 **Fanboy #1:** NOT THE TIME FOR BLACK BROTHERS ADORABLENESS

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fancast: Rianne Van Rompaey as Lily Evans. I wasn't too sure about her and then I checked out her instagram. She is Lily.


	10. Peter Pettigrew Fan Club

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Moony:** I love you, Lily Evans Potter ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ
> 
>  **Lily E.:** suck my clit, you jackass 凸༼ຈلຈ༽凸

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 111 kudos (make a wish).

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE**

**Jams:** Serious :) You okay buddy :)

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**  ye

 ** **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**** think im getting a cold

 ** ** **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:****** cant stop coughing

 **Jams:** okay but can you die quietly pls :)

 **Jams:** some of us are trying to fucking sleep :) :) 

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**...I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME :((

 **Jams:** i love you after 9 am now stfu

* * *

**Lily E.**

**Moony:** Lils, you up?

 **Lily E.:** ye boiiiiii

 **Moony:** Why are you like this

 **Lily E.:** my sister threw me in the trash when i was two 乁( ⁰͡ Ĺ̯ ⁰͡ ) ㄏ

 **Moony:**...........wow

 **Lily E.:** whats up tho

 **Lily E.:** and why arent you asleep its 3 am

 **Moony:** I just came back from a night shift at work.

 **Moony:** And now I can't sleep. 

 **Lily E.:** is this about srs?

 **Moony:** *sighs for a billion years* Yes.

 **Lily E.:** WHY WONT YOU LISTEN TO ME ADN STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT REMUS

 **Moony:** ITS NOT THAT EASY OH MY GOD

 **Lily E.:** look, i understand where youre coming from

 **Lily E.:** but i honestly dont know where youre going

 **Moony:** lol noice

 **Lily E.:** thank you but srsly, 

 **Lily E.:** i know its hard right now but hes in uni, just won legal guardianship for his brother and is trying to find a place for them

 **Lily E.:** youre working three jobs to save up for uni and taking care of your mom

 **Lily E.:** you need to be easy on the both of you

 **Lily E.:** youve made it through YEARS of moping and ups and downs, this lil bit of distance is not going to end your relationship with him

 **Lily E.:** apart from the distance issue, you guys are so happy and in love and all that good, gross stuff

 **Lily E.:** i will not let you overthink yourself into a mess, remus

 **Lily E.:** if youre this worried, then talk to him about it and sort it out but STOP OVERHTINKING JESUS CHRIST

 **Moony:** God, you always come through with the verbal ass beating. 

 **Moony:** I feel so sorted now. 

 **Lily E.:** ahaha glad i could help

 **Lily E.:** now go tf to sleep

 **Moony:** I love you, Lily Evans Potter ʕ￫ᴥ￩　ʔ

 **Lily E.:** suck my clit, you jackass 凸༼ຈلຈ༽凸

* * *

**Jams sent you 2 new snaps.**

****

* * *

**Pete Pet**

**Moony:**.....are you sleeping on the floor in james' room?

 **Pete Pet:** yes

 **Moony:**..............why

 **Pete Pet:** **shared a photo.**

****

**Pete Pet:** because this what those fuckasses did to my room

 **Moony:** LMAOOOOOOOOOO

 **Moony:** Oh god, they filled it up until the roof!!!!!

 **Pete Pet:** i dont know why i decided to visit them i hate them

* * *

**BDSM!!!!!**

**Jams changed group name to "We Dem Bois."**

**Mr. Evans:** back to the basics B)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** WHAT THE FUICJKSN<EFGMDS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** JAMES POTTER YOU BETTER WATCH YOURSELF

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** HOW DARE YOU

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU????????? I THOUGHT WE WERE BROS I THOUGHT WE RESPECTED EACH OTHERS BOUNDARIES WHAT THE RUFCKSIF

 **Mr. Evans:** Babe, idgi????? 

 **Mr. Evans:** i can change it back to bdsm if you want????????? 

 **Mr. Evans:** i didnt know it meant so much to you????????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** this iSTN ABOUT THAT YOU JACKASS I HATE YOU

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU ODNT KNOW WHATS HAPPENING

 **teabagging:** drama in the prongsfoot household again

 **Mr. Evans:** baby i swear i dont know????

 **Mr. Evans:** talk to me pls

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oh so you dont know why my phone looks like this????

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** WHA T HE FUCK IS THAT SO CUTE

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I KNOW YOU DID THIS YOU FUCK SO STOP ACTING LIKE YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THIS IS!!1!!!1

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT CATS AND I REALLY THOUGHT YOU RESPECTED MY VIEWS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** BUT OBVIOUSLY YOU CARE ABOUT CATS MORE THAN YOU CARE ABOUT ME

 **Mr. Evans:** serious what are you even saying i 

 **Mr. Evans:** what did cats even do to you

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Oh so you're not even going to apologise. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I see how it is. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I'd sleep with an eye open if I were you, James. 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:******......I

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** am so confused.

* * *

**Pete Pet**

**Moony:** It was you, wasn't it?

 **Pete Pet:**?

 **Moony:** You fucked up Sirius' phone, didn't you?

 **Pete Pet:** yup (｀∀´)Ψ

 **Pete Pet:** im just gonna watch them destroy each other from my throne in the kingdom of prank wars ψ(｀∇´)ψ

 **Moony:** Divide and conquer huh?

 **Moony:** They're so stupid, I can't believe.

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Mr. Evans:** how could you  **@srs**

 **Mr. Evans:** I fuckin trusted you

 **Mr. Evans:** you went too fucking far this time 

 **teabagging:** oh shit what he do

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** EVERYTHING ON MY COMPUTER IS A PICTURE OF NICK CAGE 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Oh my god, I thought he'd done something really bad, you melodramatic asshole.

 **Mr. Evans:** MELODRAMATIC??????????????????????

 **Mr. Evans:** can you think of doing anything worse than using a mans trauma against him?

 **Mr. Evans:** yes, thats right. TRAUMA. 

 **Mr. Evans:** serious is the only one I told about it and he fucking used it agaisnt me

 **teabagging:** what trauma?

 **Mr. Evans:**...its too personal

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he had a dream about deepthroating nick

 **teabagging:** WHAT 

 **teabagging:** THE

 **teabagging:** FUCKKKKKKKKKK

 **Mr. Evans:** SERIOUS YOU FUCKING SNAKE 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** HISS HISS YOU NICHOLAS CAGE FUCKER

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** NOW YOU KNOW WHAT BETRAYAL FEELS LIKE

 **Mr. Evans:** this was fucking revenge???? for the fucking cats????????????

 **Mr. Evans:** i woke up in literal tears after that night mare serious

 **Mr. Evans:** i ccried for three hours

 **Mr. Evans:** how could you

* * *

**Pete Pet**

**Moony:** Why don't I feel bad at all?

 **Pete Pet:** THIS SHIT IS TOO ENTERTAINING THATS WHY

 **Pete Pet:** IM FUCKING WHEEZING HERE

* * *

Remus wiped at his brow as he adjusted his backpack so it wouldn't dig into his shoulders so hard.

He felt worn to the bone, like every inch of his body had been sawed apart and stitched back together by someone who didn't quite know how to stitch. Working as a cashier wasn't as hard as his other job, a cook in a fast paced pizza shop, but some days, the constant fake smiling, small talk and asshole customers drained him so much that he wanted to simply run away and never look back. Running away was an urge he had felt for many years. It came to him suddenly, when he was walking back home from work, when he was contemplating why the word 'nipple' squicked him out so much at three in the morning or on the toilet as he scrolled through Instagram. He wasn't sure why he wanted to run away or where he wanted to go, but the need was inexplicable and all consuming.

A buzz in his pocket alerted him to a new Snapchat message from his boyfriend. Clicking on it, Remus jumped and nearly ripped out his earphones when he was greeted with a video of Sirius screaming into the palm of his hand, with a caption that read, "I just remembered we're dating, holy shit, I love you." 

Grim thoughts forgotten in an instant, Remus grinned till he felt like his lips were about to split down the middle. Too shy to take a selfie, Remus quickly took a picture of the road in front of him and sent it back with a short and sweet caption. 

As his house came into view, he reached back into his bag to get the keys to the front door but it turned out to be completely unnecessary because his mother was out of the door and running at him the instant he made it to the front lawn. 

"Remus!" she shouted and Remus reeled back in surprise. "You're finally here, oh my gosh. I've been waiting for you for  _hours_ now!"

"Mom, calm down," Remus said instantly, reaching out with placating hands. Her heart wasn't strong enough to take this much excitement. "What's going on?"

She grinned, wide and toothy. "You have a letter from UCL," she said, pride gleaming bright and shiny in her eyes. "And it is too thick and heavy to be a rejection."

* * *

* * *

  **Lily E.**

 **Moony:** Oh I completely forgot to ask!

 **Moony:** How's the search for a roommate going?

 **Lily E.:** ahhhhh dont even get me started jesus christ

 **Lily E.:** im meeting up with all possible candidates and ive not found one decent person

 **Lily E.:** the last one i interviewed seemed okay at first

 **Lily E.:** but then he started asking me weird questions

 **Moony:** Weird questions?

 **Lily E.:** he offered to pay me to lick my toes remus

 **Moony:** LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO what did you say?????

 **Lily E.:** i made some bank and kicked him to the curb B)

 **Moony:** What an Icon™

 **Lily E.:** why do you ask?

 **Lily E.:** please tell me you have a candidate in mind

 **Lily E.:** someone who doesnt do drugs or have a foot fetish

 **Moony:** I do actually

 **Moony:** It's a guy who will be starting at UCL next month. 

 **Moony:** Bi, loves big sweaters, gets kinda sad sometimes but you can just leave him out to work it out of his system so you don't have to worry too much about him. 

 **Moony:** Already has a boyfriend so you don't have to worry about him hitting on your tangerine headass.

 **Lily E.:** fuck off mate

 **Moony:** He won't be home much either. 

 **Lily E.:** fuck, a partier?

 **Moony:** Nah, he hates parties. He will be working part time at his aunt's place and will probably be holed in the library during his free time. 

 **Lily E.:** what a nerd

 **Lily E.:** did you find a clone of yourself

 **Moony:** (: Maybe (:

 **Lily E.:** why the fuc k is your smiley in the wrong direction i dont trust it

 **Moony:** ((((((::::::::

 **Lily E.:** whats his nam

 **Lily E.:** WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE

 **Lily E.:** UN MOMENTO PUTA

 **Lily E.:** IS THIS GUY REMUS FUCKING LUPIN?

 **Moony:** Lmao no.

 **Lily E.:** :( oh

 **Lily E.:** I got myself so hyped for a second there

 **Moony:** His name isn't Remus Fucking Lupin, it's just Remus Lupin (:

 **Lily E.:** YOU FUCKER YOU ABSOLUTE DICK JUICE WHY WOULD YOU DO HTIS TO MEJKSHFNDCM<D

**Lily E. wants to facetime with you.**

**Declined.**

**Moony:** IM AT WORK I CANT TALK RIGHT NOW

 **Lily E.:** RemUS OHOWHDCNE

 **Lily E.:** YOU GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP?????????

 **Moony:** I DID!!!!

 **Lily E.:** YOURE MOVIGN TO LONDON?????

 **Moony:** I AM!!!!!!!

 **Lily E.:** WERE GONNA BE ROOMIES???????????????????

 **Moony:** WE FUCKING ARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Lily E.:** OH MY GOD YOU CAN PROPER DATE SIRIUS NOW

 **Moony:** I FUCKING KNOW!!!!

 **Lily E.:** how did he react????

 **Lily E.:** ten bucks says he blacked out, the wuss

 **Moony:** I haven't told him yet lmao

 **Moony:** 50 bucks says he nuts in his pants.

 **Lily E.:** damn im not taking that bet 

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Moony changed group name to "CONGRATULATE ME."**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** CONGRATULATIONS BABY ✿♥‿♥✿

 **Mr. Evans:** why are we congratulating you

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ^^^

 **teabagging:** someone help me

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** fuck off

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i aint coming all the way downstairs to help you reach something on the top shelf

 **Mr. Evans:** youre like an inch taller than him stfu

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** fuck off part two

 **teabagging:** youre such an asshole

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** you know what they say, you are what you eat

**teabagging:**  fuck you and your entire ancestory

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** did you…think….that will offend….me???

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** because i completely agree

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** fuck my entire family (minus regs)

**Mr. Evans:**  (minus regs)

**teabagging:**  what do you do when your girlfriend comes out to you?

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):**.................................

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ............

**Mr. Evans:**.....comes out to have a good time with you because she loves you?

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** comes out as bisexual??? pansexual????? comes out as an actual literal pan???

**teabagging:** comes out as a fucking homosexual

**teabagging:**  guess who she’s a lesbian for?

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** our lord and saviour beyonce because lbr, everyones a lil gay for beyonce

**teabagging:**  no, for stacy

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ........................

**Mr. Evans:**..................

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  stacy, my accidental white cousin that i dont know how im relatedd to??/?

**teabagging:**  no 

**teabagging:** stacy, my childhood bff

**teabagging:** omg it all makes sense now

**teabagging:**  this is why she was okay with me being asexual even tho she’s not!!! and i thought id finally found someone to fucking love and accept me what a fucking joke right ha fucking ha

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ….i mean,,,at least it can’t get worse than this

**Mr. Evans:**  WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT REMUS NOW YOUVE JINXED IT

**teabagging:**  ofc it gets fucking worse

**teabagging:** she was so scared and she was brave enough to come out to me and was probably expecting support the way she supported me but what did i do????

**teabagging:**  I screamed at her and called her a cheater

** teabagging:**  petition to throw me in the sewer so i can finally be where i belong

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** You seem really calm though. I would've lost my mind. 

** teabagging:**  im fucking sobbing in the pantry

 ** Mr. Evans: ** im coming

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** me too

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Oh baby, want to facetime?

** teabagging:**  i really, really loved her remus

 ** teabagging:**  she was it for mee

 ** teabagging: ** i rally thought she loved me tto

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Peter, I'm so sorry.

** teabagging: ** im so fucking stupid i cantt believ i thought for a second someone could care about me

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** dont say that dont you dare fucking say that peter

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** i understand that youre hurt but i care for you and i love you 

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** and i will continue loving and supporting you for the rest of your life no matter what

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** unless you kill james or smth despicable like that

** teabagging: ** i realy hate myself right now

 ** Mr. Evans: ** im taking his phone away remus but ill keep you updated, yeah?

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** yeah

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** give him a hug from me 

** Mr. Evans: ** will do

** Moony changed group name to "Peter Pettigrew Fan Club." **

* * *

**Baemus Lupin <3 <3**

**srs:** pete and jams are sleeping

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Fuck 

 **srs:** fuck is right

 **srs:** ive never seen pete like that

 **srs:** ive actually never seen pete cry before

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Me neither.

 **srs:** that was horrible

 **srs:** i feel like ive caught his sadness

 **srs:** me and jams cried with him for some reason

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **I am really hoping this is all some big misunderstanding and everything gets sorted by tomorrow.

 **srs:** me too tbh

 **srs:** god my eyes feel so swollen

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Go to sleep, love. We can talk tomorrow. 

 **srs:** but i want to know why i was congratulating you

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **oh 

 **srs:** you forgot about that?

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Haha yeah. I was too worried about Pete.

 **srs:** so whats up? did you finally deck a customer in the face for being an entitled asshole?

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Nothing that amazing. 

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **I got into UCL. I'm moving to London in two weeks. 

**Facetime connecting with Moony.**

* * *

"You got into UCL and that's not amazing, what the fuck?" Sirius shouted as soon as the call connected and Remus beamed back unashamed. 

"It felt pretty amazing a couple hours ago but I can't get myself to feel excited about it right now," Remus replied, smiling in apology. "I feel so bad for Peter right now that I can't...You know."

"Babe, you got into one of the world's best schools with your brain power alone. I don't care what else is going on in the world," Sirius said, slightly red eyes wide open in excitement and glee, "I am so proud of you right now, I am going to  _bust a nut."_

"Called it," Remus laughed, falling back into his bed. 

"Did you get the scholarship?"

"Yes, I did."

Sirius fake moaned loudly, throwing back his head dramatically. " _Ungh,_ you've ruined my pants now," he said as Remus giggled into his pillow. "Fuck, you're moving to London. Holy shit. Fuck. We will be in the same city. We will see each other. We will date. We will  _touch dicks."_

"You are such a teenager," Remus joked. 

"Wait, where will you be living?" Sirius asked suddenly, looking at Remus expectantly. 

"With Lily. She needed a roommate anyway, so that worked out well for us," Remus replied and frowned when he saw something like disappointment settle in Sirius' eyes. "What? What's wrong with that?"

Sirius schooled his expression into a smile again and shrugged shyly. "Nothing. I didn't say anything."

"No, but you  _want_ to say something," Remus urged. "What is it? Just tell me, I hate being curious."

"I just..." Sirius started before blushing and biting his bottom lip. "Regs and I are about to move into our new flat tomorrow and then the next week, he's gonna go back to Hogwarts. So it's just going to be me at home. All alone."

Remus frowned, confused as to what that had to do anything with the topic of conversation. "Okay?" he said uncertainly. "Is...Is this you saying 'my parents aren't home, let's fuck?"

The blush grew into an inferno as Sirius choked on his saliva and stuttered out denials. "What?! No! I just - Remus! That's not what I- You know what, forget it. I didn't say anything."

"No, I'm sorry," Remus said. "Please just explain it to me."

"I..." Sirius swallowed visibly as he tried to find the least embarrassing way of telling Remus. "Can I turn my camera off for a second? I'd feel less...shy about it then."

"Sure, love," Remus replied with a fond little smile and watched the screen turn black immediately as Sirius cleared his throat. 

"I was, um,  _suggesting_ that if you wanted to, by your own means and will, under absolutely no obligation to me, you could just...you know, m-move in. W-With me," Sirius said and Remus' eyes widened in surprise. "You don't  _have_ to, but I'd really like it if you did. I don't want to be alone and you would save rent money because you obviously don't need to pay me. I'm rich. You'd also save money on groceries. And I'd give you rides all the time. I could basically be your sugar daddy. N-Not that you'd have to call me daddy or give me sex in return. J-Just cuddles sometimes and that's it. M-Maybe some handholding. If you were up for it, of course."

"Sirius, you're rambling," Remus said, the fondness returning.

"I know," Sirius whined. "I'm very nervous."

"If I hadn't already planned it all out with Lily, I'd say yes in a second," Remus said, genuine remorse coating his words. "She was so excited about being roommates. I can't break her heart like that."

"Oh, she can come live with us too," Sirius said immediately. "I have like, six rooms."

"Didn't you say it was a flat?"

"Yes...but it's more of a house," Sirius admitted sheepishly. "I just say flat so I can still be relatable to you peasants."

"Oh my god," Remus groaned, chuckling at his boyfriend. 

"So what do you say?"

"I...Turn your camera on first," Remus replied. 

"Do I have to?" Sirius asked meekly. 

"I'd really love to see you."

When Sirius' face popped up on Remus' phone screen, it was still as red as earlier and his hair looked like he had been pulling at it in nervousness. 

Remus smiled gently at his phone, tracing a finger down the side of virtual-Sirius' face in adoration. "My answer is that I can't wait to move in with you, baby."

* * *

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


	11. i sad.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **imaan:** :))))))) I KEEP SCREAMING BUT GOD WONT TAKE ME NEITHER WILL SATAN

**Internet Support Group**

**stay-c left the group.**

* * *

  **Jily will rise.**

**stay-c left the group.**

**imaan:** okay what the fuck

 **fabian_w: @pettigrew** whats up with hr?

 **pettigrew:** how would i know?

 **gideon:** arent you her best friend???

 **pettigrew:** apparently not ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **imaan:** why do i always leave these chats more confused than before

 **regulusb:** i love you peter (ΘεΘʃƪ)

 **pettigrew:** love you too bub <3

* * *

  **Baemus Lupin <3 <3**

 **srs:** do you love me today?

 **srs:** just to

 **srs:** check

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Of course, I do.

 **srs:** cool :) 

 **srs:** i love you too

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **cool :) 

 **srs:** will you still love me if i told you we had one more house mate?

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: ***sighs for a billion years*

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **Is it Prongs?

 **srs:**.....

 **srs:** i told him about you and lily moving in and he said he refuses to be left out and started packing his shit

 **srs:** mr and mrs p are not happy with us moving out

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **1\. I still love you. I'll probably still love you even if you got convicted for killing like, twelve innocent people plus a probably not so innocent Peter.

 **srs:** that is oddly specific

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **2\. IT IS YOUR HOUSE YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY ALLOWED TO KEEP AS MANY HOUSE MATES YOU WANT WHY WOULD I OBJECT?????

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **3\. ITS PRONGS WE WERE DORMIES FOR A BILLION YEARS WHY WOULD I OBJECT????

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **4\. Actually, now that I think about it, I do have one objection. I refuse to get into any prank wars, especially with James and Lily under one roof. They will be a nightmare together, holy shit. 

 **srs:** REMUS I JUST REALISED SOMETHING

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **??

 **srs:** james and lily will be under one fucking roof!!!!! all the jily opportunities oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **OH MY GOD I AM SETTING THEM UP OH MY GOD MY DICK IS HARD AND MY BODY IS READY

 **srs:** WHY ARE YOU SO GROSS STOP GETTING ERECTIONS FOR SHIPS THAT ARENT WOLFSTAR

 **Baemus Lupin <3 <3: **OKAY BABY SORRY 

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**pettigrew changed group name to "i sad."**

**pettigrew changed username to "sad."**

**Mr. Evans:** damn thats so much sad

 **sad:** i feel very empty

 **Mr. Evans:** i wish i could hug you

 **Mr. Evans:** why did you have to go back home????? NOW I CANT HUG YOU

 **sad:** james?

 **Mr. Evans:** yeah baby?

 **sad:** choose your fighter

**sad: shared a photo.**

**sad: shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** WHYUIFHKFDBJD I HAVE DONE NOTHING TO DESERVE THIS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**......do you ever jsut sit there and realise exactly  _how_ white your boyfriend is...........

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** I have a better one.

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** **shared a photo.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** DAMNNNNN THROWBACK TO WANNABE BLACK RAPPER JAMES 

**Mr. Evans: shared a GIF.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** listeEN, i just think black people are super fucking cool and i was a stupid 13 yrold who thought imitation was flattery??? 

 **Mr. Evans:** at least i Learnt and Grew Up™

 **Mr. Evans:** unlike remus, who still has his chav moments

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

**sad:** this photo just said innit forty times in a sentence and offered to sell me molly

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** looking at this photo turned my clothes into all adidas trackies and gold chains

 **Mr. Evans:** this photo just called me sjw scum for being a feminist

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:**  I hate all of you.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oi whys your hand in yoru pants you naughty boy????????

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** GOTTA SCRATCH TEH NUTS

 **sad:** every time i start a conversation, i regret

* * *

peterp  
Newquay

Liked by  **lily__, jimjams, srs** and  **79 others.**

 **peterp** but letting go is so much easier

View all 14 comments.

 **ziiiiiyiiiii** peter please just talk to me, i am begging you. just hear me out and then if you want, i will never contact you again. please.

* * *

**Jily will rise.**

**Moony changed group name to "JILY WILL RISE!!"**

**Fanboy #1:** PALS I HAVE NEWS

 **imaan:** pls tell me its good news all im hearing is sadness all over

 **Fanboy #1:** ITS VERY GOOD NEWS

 **Fanboy #1:** LILY, JAMES AND I ARE MOVING IN WITH REGULUS AND SIRIUS

 **regulusb:** im so sad ill miss out on living with you guys because of school :(

 **Fanboy #1:** WHICH MEANS LILY AND JAMES WILL BE JKSHLDCN<M REGULUS STOP BEING SO CUTE IM TRYNNA NEWSCAST HERE

 **Fanboy #1:** THEY WILL BE UNDER THE SAME ROOF, IN THE SAME HOUSE, UNDER SUPERVISION OF THEIR BIGGEST SHIPPERS

 **gideon:** OH MY GOD YESSSSSS

 **fabian_w:** i cant wait to start scheming

 **imaan:** remus, you should talk to lily about it and see if she is interested in getting to know james too

 **fabian_w:** true

 **fabian_w:** im all for scheming but i dont want us to force them into something they dont want

 **Fanboy #1:** Yes, of course. I was planning on talking to her face to face about it. I'm pretty sure she'll say yes but aS SOON AS I GET A VERBAL AGREEMENT ILL LET YOU GUYS NKOW AND WE'LL SET THEM UP ON A DATE WOOOOOP WOOP

 **imaan:** sounds good!!! now on to other things

**imaan removed pettigrew from "JILY WILL RISE!!"**

**srs:** oh no

 **imaan:** is it true?

 **gideon:** imaan BAMF hammam, asking questions we're all thinking since 1998

 **imaan:** youre welcome boo 

 **Fanboy #1:** Where did you find out from?

 **imaan:** i talked to stacy

 **imaan:** all i could get out of her was that pete broke up with his gf and wont talk to stacy anymore 

 **srs:** its not our place to tell you guys :/

 **srs:** and honestly, as much as i want to sit the three of them down and make them talk, its not our place to interfere either

 **srs:** im just hoping they sort it out soon because i know how much its hurting pete

 **imaan:** its hurting stacy a lot too because he is her best friend too, okay?

 **imaan:** and she doesnt even know what she did wrong

 **Fanboy #1:** Imaan, I understand that you're very close to her but you don't know the full story. She's not as innocent as she's pretending to be. 

 **imaan:** maybe so but pls stop talking about her like shes a villain or smth? she was your friend too if i remember correctly

 **gideon:** lets not get heated about this

 **Fanboy #1:** I'm not trying to fight with you, Imaan. I love Stacy and I've tried contacting her so many times in the past week but shes the one that refuses to talk to me. 

 **Fanboy #1:** It's not my fault I only know Peter's side of the story. 

 **imaan:** im not trying to fight either 

 **imaan:** i just don't want you to disregard her feelings, no matter what shes done

 **imaan:** because she was a wreck when i talked to her yesterday

 **imaan:** she hasnt been eating or sleeping properly

 **imaan:** and she couldnt stop crying

 **imaan:** it was horrible

 **srs:** oh god

 **regulusb:** i feel really helpless that i cant help them

 **fabian_w:** me too god this is such a shitty situation

 **Fanboy #1:** Lets all stay out of it though. Even though Pete told us what happened, I don't think he knows what exactly is going on either. 

 **Fanboy #1:** They're all adults and they'll deal with this on their own. 

 **regulusb:** can we stage an intervention if it gets too far though?

 **regulusb:** i dont want any of them to get hurt

 **gideon:** yes love, of course

 **imaan:** okay i'll add him back

**imaan added pettigrew to "JILY WILL RISE!!"**

**imaan:** sors pete, it was accidental :) 

 **pettigrew:** you do realise that i can just scroll up and read everything?

 **regulusb:** oh no

 **fabian_w:** oh no

 **gideon:** oh no

 **Fanboy #1:** oh no

 **srs:** oh no

 **imaan:** :))))))) I KEEP SCREAMING BUT GOD WONT TAKE ME NEITHER WILL SATAN

 **pettigrew:** so you talked to her

 **imaan:** mostly to her mom tbh

 **imaan:** she wasnt

 **imaan:** fit

 **imaan:** for conversation

 **pettigrew:** fucks sake

 **pettigrew:** this is such a mess god

 **pettigrew:** what do i do?

 **regulusb:** just talk to them peter

 **regulusb:** just talk to them and actually  _listen_ to them

 **gideon:** yup

 **pettigrew:** ahhhhhhhhhhhhh imgo nna get a panic attack any moment

 **Fanboy #1:** Do you have someone with you, Peter?

 **pettigrew:** yes my moms here

 **pettigrew:** im just

 **pettigrew:** ill message them and meet up

 **srs:** BEST OF LUCK AND LOVE YOU

 **regulusb:** ♡＾▽＾♡

 **imaan:** you guys will be fine, dont worry too much

* * *

**i sad.**

**sad:**  me: *screaming* hello darkness my old frienddddd. 

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):******  darkness: new phone, who dis? 

**sad:**  im gonna whoop your ass if you test me one more fucking time sirius

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** my safe word is snape, daddy ;)

**pettigrew left the group.**  

* * *

 Remus_Lupin  
 Burmingham

****

Liked by **srs, peterp, im.imaan** and  **203 others.**

 **Remus.Lupin** heres a ratchet but happy photo of me shopping for London :)

View all 47 comments.

 **srs** life is hard and so am i

 **Remus.Lupin** I HATE YOU HSKCJNE

* * *

**My Mans**

** Moony:  ** In about ninety three, hours I will be in London.

 ** srs: **  I WILL NOT SLEEP I WILL SHOW UP THREE HOURS BEFORE YOUR TRAIN AT THE STATION READY TO PICK YOU UP AND TAKE YOU HOME

 ** Moony: **  oh my go d home aihkscj

 ** Moony: **  my brain just short circuited oh my godkhsvjdbm

 ** srs: **  oh my god i am so ready to date you for realsies

 ** Moony: **  I can't believe we will be living together again but this time, without the pining.

 ** srs: **  what makes you think the pining will be gone????

 ** Moony: **  you right lol

 ** Moony: **  I'll pine for you from the other room.

 ** srs: **  i will pine for you while sitting right next to you fight me

 ** Moony: **  Meet me in the goddamn pit.

 ** srs: **  i will kiss your attitude right out of you you little shit

 ** Moony: **  Not before I seduce you with my wit. Try me, fool.

 ** srs: **  damn i love you

 ** Moony: **  I love you more <3 

 ** srs: **  FUCKING FIGHT ME LUPIN

* * *

**i sad.**

**pettigrew changed group name to "i confused."**

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** What's up?

 **sad:** i talked to ziyi and stacy

**pettigrew changed username to "idek."**

******************(ᵔᴥᵔ):****************** oh my god what happened

 **idek:** i d e k 

 **Mr. Evans:** pleas tell me it was a huge misunderstanding!!! like she was going to prank you and then end it with a marriage proposal but you took it too siriusly or smth

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** when will you stop interchanging serious and sirius

 **Mr. Evans:** never obv

 **idek:** of course thats not wwhat happened why do you guys think my life is a movie

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** THEN WHAT HAPPENED I NEED TO KNOW

 **idek:** okay so it was HELLA awkward at first and we all just sat there while stacys mom bought us tea and biscuits 

 **idek:** and then ziyi started apologising and crying and i was super uncomfy

 **idek:** because i wanted to comfort her but??? i didnt know if it was my place to or not??? 

 **idek:** so i said to stacy, shouldnt you comfort your girlfriend?

 **idek:** and apparently they werent dating and hadnt even talked after the whole shitshow because they felt too guilty

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** well thats very decent of them

 **idek:** and i got kinda mad then

 **idek:** and i started shouting what was the point of this whole thing then if they werent even going to date, right?

 **idek:** and then they drop the bomb

 **Mr. Evans:**?????????????????????????

**pettigrew changed group name to "i think im in a polyamorous relationship now?"**

**✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** ** WHATHKEDJVBALFHIEVDKJ,

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** AND YOURE TELLING ME YOUR LIFE ISNT A FUCKING MOVIE WHAT THE FUCK

 **Mr. Evans:** YOURE DATING STACY AND ZIYI BOTH??????????

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

****

**✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** ** wait slow down go back how did we get here what 

 **idek:** stacy told me that ziyi hadnt been coming out to me or anything

 **idek:** but that they had realised they liked each other as more than just friends but they also liked me as more than just friends 

 **idek:** so they talked about it and decided to approach me about it but i went crazy before even letting ziyi finish

 **idek:** and now??? im dating the two of the best people in my life???? what the fuck?

 **idek:** and they both love me?????? and accept me????????????????????? and dont think im broken or smth????????????????????????????????

 **idek:** im at least 99% sure that this is a dream

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:**  Jesus Christ I am SHOOK

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU OH MY GOD

 **Mr. Evans:** why are you so confused about it tho??/

 **idek:** idek bruh

 **idek:** we didnt get to talk it through properly because i was too much in shock to talk any more so we decided to have a proper sit down some other day

 **idek:** holy shit i didnt even know it was an option to love two people at once

 **idek:** i didnt even know this is what i wanted till i got it oh my god

 **idek:** if this is real, then i am the luckiest person on planet earth.

✿  **Moonpie**  ✿ **:** I can't believe it wow

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**************** I am so happy for you guys!!

* * *

peterp  
Newquay

****

Liked by  **srs, lily__, jimjams** and  **297 others.**

 **peterp** :) i promise never to let go :)

View all 49 comments.

 **srs** IM ALWAYS A SLUT FOR NARRATIVE CONTINUITY WOW

 **lily__** IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS

 **g.stacy** damn youre cheesy <3 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


	12. self-help squad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **✿ Moonpie ✿:** Jesus fucking Christ. How do you fuck up that bad??
> 
>  **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** talent (((((:::::

profmcgonagall  
Hogwarts

 

Liked by  **srs, Remus_Lupin, im.imaan** and **5** **4,347 others.**

 **profmcgonagall** Hogwarts turns 300 hundred today! I think it is important to remind ourselves of what it truly stands for: unity in diversity, persistence through hardships and love despite all else. 

View all 10,798 comments.

 **srs** Professor, I never thought I'd say this but I miss you so much that I even find myself day dreaming of your detentions. I'm sorry I was such a nuisance to you (but not really). I hope you're well and I hope I get to see you again. It's only been a couple years since graduation, and that has been enough time to help me realise that to a lot of us, Hogwarts was home because you made it so. I hope thousands of more kids get to stay under your wing because that is the safest place to be. I'm a little lost right now, but I hope I get to make you proud one day. Lots of love from ALL THE MARAUDERS BUT ESPECIALLY ME :) :)

 **Zabini.R** *sighs* cant believ i only have two more years left at hoggys....i dont know how im gonna adapt to life outside school tbh

 **katsuuki_y** same bruh  **@Zabini.R**

 **profmcgonagall** You've made me proud every day since I first met you, Sirius. I was proud when you chose Gryffindor, I was proud when you aced every DADA class every year, I was proud of you when you came out (even if it cost me a little but I guess that's my fault for betting) and I am proud of everything you've done after leaving Hogwarts. I was even proud of you for every ingenious prank idea, no matter how many points it cost my own House. And if you think I'm not going to be regularly checking in on you and Regulus to make sure you're living well, then you are absolutely wrong. See you soon  **@srs.**

 **im.imaan** I AM EMOTIONAL THIS IS THE KIND OF CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I WANT TO SEE 

 **jimjams** FUCK ME UP I AM CRYING IN DI CLUB SHDKJN

 **profmcgonagall** You swear on my post one more time, Mr. Potter, and I will show exactly how badly I can 'fuck' someone up. 

 **jimjams** I am exceedingly sorry, Professor. 

* * *

  **We Dem Bois**

 **teabagging:** lets play wikihow

 **Mr. Evans:** wus that

 **teabagging:** like if we made wikihow pages about things what would we write in them

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  honestly, that does  _not_ sound fun at alll

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Rude.

 **teabagging:** listen you absolute dickspit

 **teabagging:** i am bored and nervous and bored

 **teabagging:** entertain me

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Why are you nervous, boo?

 **teabagging:** me and the girls havent had The Talk yet

 **teabagging:** stacy said we should meet today

 **Mr. Evans:** what did you say?

 **teabagging:** what do you think?

 **teabagging:** pretended to be dead lmao ofc 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  youre so hopeless wow

 **teabagging:** IT TOOK YOU LITERALLY TEN YEARS TO ASK OUT YOUR MAN YOU PRUDE STFU

 **Mr. Evans:** its kinda funny when you think about it

 **Mr. Evans:** how peter, an asexual human being, has had sex when serious, a thirstyass hoe who wrote a ten page rant about the curvature of remus' arse, is a virgin

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  WAIT WHAT

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  JAMES WHAT HTE FUCK

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  YOURE A VIRGIN?????????????????????????????

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  BUT WERE ALL LIKE 21??????????????????????? AND YOUVE DATED RIGHT???????????

 **Mr. Evans:** THATS THE PART THAT CONCERNS YOU??? DID YOU NOT READ ABOUT THE TEN PAGE RANT???

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  IVE ALREADY READ IT YOU JACKASS HE SHOWED IT TO ME WHEN WE STARTED DATING

 **teabagging:** how the hell didnt you know hes a virgin

 **teabagging:** has he ever told you about him having sex? with anything other than his own hand?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  No but I always assumed he

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  I mean

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  I just thought he was being private about it and

 **Mr. Evans:** remus,...,.....serious, the same person who walked around butt naked in the dorms, who told us all his first wet dream in explicit detail, who told us his favourite way of jacking off, THAT SAME SERIOUS,...,,....is the one you thought was being private about his sex life

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  welll.....when you put it like that......it does sound dumb

 **teabagging: @srs** where did you go

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  im here

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  lets play the game now

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Oh. Okay. 

 **Mr. Evans:** ILL START OKAY :) 

 **Mr Evans:** wikihow to be Lily Evans 

 **teabagging:** hmmmm...i just find it interesting that wikihow is used for processes but you chose to do a person and that person coincidentally happens to be lily evans...mmhmm..

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  ^^^^^

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  ^^^^^^^^^^

 **Mr. Evans:** i was talking to her so she came to mind!!! stop with the shipping!!!! real life shipping is immoral and uncomfortable!!!!

 **teabagging:** yeah and what were you both talking about?

 **Mr. Evans:** just about packing up and moving at the end of the week 

 **teabagging:** mmhmm

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** mmhmm

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** mmhmm

 **Mr. Evans:** ANYWAY BACK TO LILY EVANS

 **teabagging:** hmmm

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  hmmm

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  hmmm

 **Mr. Evans:** wikiHow to be Lily Evans: Step 1 - Punch a nazi. It doesn't matter who, just do it. This is your rite of passage to becoming a Lily Evans. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  Step 2: Hate your biological sister but also love her to death. Do this by constantly dropping hints about how mean your sister is and how much you want to punch her in the face, but instead punching people who talk shit about her in the face. 

****(** **ᵔᴥᵔ** **):** shared a photo.**

****

**teabagging:** not really how the meme goes, but...damn, you made it work

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Step 3: Talk like the whitest trash on planet earth while getting a degree in English and Translation. 

 **teabagging:** Step 4: Constantly act like you hate James Potter but also defend him against your own Racist Asshole ~~Best Friend~~ ex-bff, compliment James Potter's stupidass prank ideas that get everyone in trouble and stare at him with the biggest heart-eyes ever when he's not looking.

**Jams changed pettigrew's name to "let it go."**

**pettigrew changed name to "never."**

**pettigrew changed name to "JILY."**

**srs changed name to "TILL I."**

**Moony changed name to "DIE."**

**DIE:** Why did I get the dire end of the deal?

 **TILL I:** switch with me babe 

 **DIE:** BUT I DONT WANT YOU TO DIE EITHER?

 **JILY:** I WANT TO DIE SWITCH WITH ME

**pettigrew changed Moony's name to "JILY."**

**pettigrew changed name to "DIE."**

**Mr. Evans:** pete..........................

 **Mr. Evans:** somebody put my thoughts to words i cant do it

**srs changed name to "srs."**

**srs changed Moony's name to "bae."**

**srs changed pettigrew's name to "baby boy."**

**srs:** pete i thought you were doing okay now???

 **bae:** I thought you were happy with how things are now with Stacy and Ziyi.

 **baby boy:** damn bois, i was just kidding around, no need to get so sirius

 **Mr. Evans:** we all know youre not kidding around so lets drop the act for a lil second here

 **baby boy:** listen

 **baby boy:** i get that you guys are worried or whatever but theres no reason to be

 **baby boy:** and i honestly dont need this right now

 **srs:** okay fuck this shit im calling you pete and we're havign a fucking conversation about this whether you wnt to or not

 **bae:**...are they gone?

 **Mr. Evans:** yeah, cant see them online anymore

 **bae:** Is it just me or is Sirius becoming a kinder and more mature version of himself with every passing day?

 **Mr. Evans:** he really is

 **bae:** Is it just me or is Sirius really hot when he takes control?

 **Mr. Evans:** shut the fuck up

* * *

  **Bromate**

 **srs:** yo

 **srs:** can we talk?

 **Bromate:** about that virginitity thing?

 **srs:**........."virginitity" 

 **srs:** but yes

 **Bromate:** please tell me I havent done the stupidest thing ever by exposing you unintentionally

 **Bromate:** to be fair, i honestly didnt think it was a big deal for you and that remus probably knew

 **Bromate:** but i am really sorry. really really really really sorry. 

 **srs:** its okay. i forgive you baby :*

 **srs:** but i wasnt trying to get an apology out of you tbh

 **srs:** i just

 **srs:** in exactly fourty hours (!!!!!) remus will be here 

 **srs:** and ya know

 **srs:** we'll prolly get super frisky

 **Bromate:** okay???? where is this going??

 **srs:** immmmmmmm

 **Bromate:** serious whats up? do you want me to come over???

 **srs:** NO! 

 **srs:** i cant do this face to face

 **srs:** im just...............................................ugh i dont know how to say this

 **Bromate:** okay im going to take a wild guess here

 **Bromate: sent a voicenote.**   

> _Sirius, if you don't think you're ready to have sex with Remus yet, then all you have to do is say so. We both know Remus would never, never,_ ever,  _do anything you don't want. And if you're worried about him getting hurt over you saying no, then like...stop overthinking. He would be really glad you trust him enough to let him know exactly how you feel. Okay? And please don't be embarrassed about any of this. It's completely normal to not be sure about sex._

**srs:** have i ever told you that you're the best person on planet earth?

 **Bromate:** did i get it right?

 **srs:** not exactly

 **srs:** its not that i dont want to have sex

 **srs:** like hoooooly shit i want it really bad

 **Bromate:** trust me, i know how bad you want it 

 **srs:** ;))

 **srs:** but like,,,,,,,,,,,sexting is one thing and the real thing is another. 

 **srs:** i havent touched any dicks other than my own before. ive done NOTHING but kiss before and remus has done EVERYYYYYTHINGGGGG. 

 **Bromate:** how does that effect you tho?

 **srs:** im just really worried okay?

 **Bromate:** about what?

 **srs:** am not straight, james. i have the whole topping and bottoming thing too. 

 **Bromate:** first - only boring heteros have strictly-men-topping-sex and i am not a boring hetero

 **Bromate:** second - whats worrying about that?

 **srs:** i just dont know how its decided?????????? like, will remus top because hes taller and im shorter???? or will it be the one who has the bigger dick???????????? will we compaare who is more twinky??? how the hell does one even know whats considered twinky?

 **Bromate:**.............please for the love of god, stop reading crappy fanfiction written by thirteen year old straight women who are squicked out by lesbians but love fetishizing gay men

 **srs:** thats oddly specific

 **Bromate:** but okay back to the issue here

 **Bromate:** first of all, you don't have to have penetrative sex from the get go. in fact, i would recommend building up to it till you're comfortable with it. sex is something so, so intimate, you shouldnt just jump into it if youre so worried about it. rub each others schlongs a little, give a few blowies, grind it up. AND THEN when youre no longer afraid of penetrative, lube up, glove it and go for it. 

 **srs:** just say dick jfc

 **Bromate:** secondly, what the fuck do you mean, "how do you decide who tops and bottoms?" where the fuck do you even get that from???

 **Bromate:** youre both fucking adults so you'll obviously have a talk about it before and see what youre both comfortable with

 **srs:** okay youre right

 **srs:** but what about

 **srs:** like

 **srs:** other things

 **srs:** that go with bottoming 

 **srs:** the not so sexy parts

 **Bromate:** i honestly have no idea what youre saying

 **srs:** nothing nvm im good

 **srs:** thanks for helping boo <3 

 **Bromate:** just say it serious

 **Bromate:** i'll act like this conversation never happened if thats what you want but id rather have you talk to me about everything rather than go and have unsafe sex

 **srs:** um

 **srs:** this is so fucking embarrassing

 **srs:** promise we'll never talk about this again?

 **Bromate:** promise. 

 **srs:** what about like

 **srs:** cleaning

 **srs:** and like

 **srs:** prepping for bottoming and stuff?

 **srs:**.........

 **srs:** james? u there?

 **srs:** im sorry im so sorry did i squick you out??? i didnt mean to i swear

 **srs:** JAMES IM SORRY PLEASE JUST SAY SOMETHING

 **Bromate:** oh my god hush

 **Bromate:** im trying to find this really good blog that tells you everything about anal sex and cleaning up and everything

 **srs:** oh

 **srs:** i got really scared for a second

 **Bromate:** stop it. i told you, this is all normal and natural. 

 **srs:** james im so glad i have you

 **Bromate:** so am i <3 

* * *

im.imaan  
London

 

Liked by l **ily__, Remus_Lupin, g.stacy** and **197 others.**

 **im.imaan** me @ my responsibilities: bye hoe

View all 34 comments.

 **lily__** Wow, you have grown into such a beautiful young lady <3 

 **Remus_Lupin** Gorgeous! I love your fashion sense, darling!

 **g.stacy** You shouldn't be using words like "hoe" on the interwebs, Imaan. You are a beautiful, young, strong woman and such words are very unbecoming of ladies such as yourself. 

 **hammam.k** Your friends certainly learn fast. Just tell them to be less fake next time. - Dad x

 **im.imaan** i hate all yall

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**srs changed group name to "self-help squad."**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** OKAY FOLKS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** PREPARE YOURSELVES

 **teabagging:** dont do it sirius its not worth it

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  What's he doing?

 **teabagging:** i dont know but it cant be anything good

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Fair enough.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** I am doing something new today

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i woke up really really sad because regs is going back to school tomorrow

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** but then i thought to myself

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** fuck that shit

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** today is going to be a day of triumphs

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and i think you guys should join me

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Of course, love! I'm so glad that you're feeling so motivated!

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** <3

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** pete? you in?

 **teabagging:** sure how much worse could my life possibly get

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** LEAVE THAT SHITTY ATTITUDE OUTSIDE PLEASE

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** TODAY IS A DAY OF POSITIVITY AND FIXING OUR LIVES

 **Mr. Evans:** FUCK YES IM IN

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** okay so i have tasks for everyone and if they are not fulfilled by the end of the day, i will post EXTREMELY embarrassing content of the person online and you can do the same to me 

 **Mr. Evans:** fuck i havent felt like a marauder in so long but that threat just...........made me feel so alive

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** We're so fucked in the head, but SAME HERE.

 **teabagging:** i just felt ''''''thrilled''''' after literally three years

 **teabagging:** i havent felt like this since we left hogwarts

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** UHCKEJHFNJEK I KNOW RIGHT??? WHY DID WE EVER LET ADULT LIFE SUCK THE MARAUDERY OUT OF US?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Okay, Sir Remus Lupin, betrothed of Prince Sirius, step forward and accept your mission for the day. 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  did you just

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  i

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  betrothed is to be engaged sirius

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i mean,..we all know we'll get there sooner or later so 乁༼☯‿☯✿༽ㄏ

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  oh baby i love you so muchhhhuhdf,jsn

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  *steps forward and kneels*

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Your task for the day is to finally stop stalling. Clean your room, throw out the things you don't need, pack up all the things you //do// need (!!!!) and then give yourself time off. AND DONT TELL ME YOU DONT DESERVE IT!!! Finally get your arse planted in the bathtub, listen to stripper music and read a good book. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** How's the bipolar today?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** On the depressive side a bit, but not enough to not be manageable. 

 **Mr. Evans:** you took your meds?

 **teabagging:** please tell me youve eaten today

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  I did both of those things, but I couldn't get myself to shower for a couple days. 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** PERFECTO get in the bathtub! 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Before or after cleaning?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** up to you babe

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  Okie :) I WILL GET GOING AND CONQUER MY TASK

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** YAS BABY GET ITTTT

 **teabagging:** GO REMUS 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** James, your task for the day is to finally write your essay. And not just a couple paragraph, finish the entire god damn thing or I'm posting The Video. You know the one. 

 **Mr. Evans:** just one thing?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** yup, we're taking bite sized tasks today so no one gets overwhelmed

 **Mr. Evans:** ON IT :) 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** GO JAMES WOOP WOOP

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** PETER ;)))))))))

 **teabagging:** oh no

 **teabagging:** dont say it

 **teabagging:** i know what youre gonna say sTOP TYPING IM NOT DOING IT IM LEAVING THIS GROUP IM BACKING OUT OF THIS STO P FUCKING TYPING

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** Go and talk to Stacy and Ziyi. This isn't good for your mental health. Stop stalling. 

 **teabagging:** srs i cant do it mate 

 **teabagging:** every time i even //think// of talking to them my entire body starts shaking an d i feel like throwing up

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and that is not how you should feel when talking to the people youre supposedly 'dating'

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  we'll support you through everything pete

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  you can do it

 **Mr. Evans:** and i promise youre overthinking yourself into so much anxiety. theyre both lovely people that care for you so much and theyre both rational people. whatever it is thats worrying you, just talk it out. youll be fine. 

 **teabagging:** im not making any promises

 **teabagging:** but i'll try

* * *

**self-help squad**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****   **shared a photo.**

****

******✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****  **Task one is complete :))))

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****   **shared a photo.**

****

******✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ** Onto task two :))))

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** I already have my book on hand and I am listening to my kizomba playlist :)))

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** **shared a photo.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** This feels really good. I'm glad we're doing this. 

 **Mr. Evans:** damnnnnn remus youre so fast im so proud of you <3333

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Thank you (≖ᴗ≖✿)

 **teabagging:** wait whats sirius' task anyway???

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** **@srs** you never told us your task.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im making pancakes for regs!!!!!

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and then were planning family days for the rest of the year with cissy and andy ♥(ˆ⌣ˆԅ)

 **teabagging:** um......you sure thats a good idea buddy?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** what do you mean?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Sirius, you don't know how to cook. Where's Kreature?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he went to visit his niece and i have google

 **Mr. Evans:** i am concerned

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** IM TWENTY ONE I CAN MAKE FUCKING PANCAKES

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** uhhhhh

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** James, don't you think you can just write your essay at Sirius' place?

 **Mr. Evans:** YEAH! I CAN! i was feeling lonely anyway

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im not stupid i know what youre doing

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i dont need supervision i am twenty! one!

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ......

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ILL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG

* * *

**Stacy**

**pettigrew:** hey 

 **Stacy:** hey pete

 **Stacy:** didnt expect you to message me after you ran off that day

 **pettigrew:** yeah...everything was a little too much

 **Stacy:** its okay...

 **Stacy:** ziyi and i were kind of expecting that

 **pettigrew:** oh

 **pettigrew:** um 

 **pettigrew:** i was wondering if you guys wanted to meet again today so we can talk everything through?

 **Stacy:** sure! where do you want to meet?

 **pettigrew:** beach?

 **Stacy:** at five okay for you?

 **pettigrew:** yes, its fine

 **Stacy:** okay. we'll see you then :) 

 **pettigrew:** oh. did you ask ziyi already?

 **Stacy:** yeah, she was here anyway.

 **pettigrew:** ah. cool.

* * *

**self-help squad**

**teabagging:** step one is done

 **teabagging: shared a screenshot.**  

 

> **pettigrew:** oh
> 
> **pettigrew:** um 
> 
> **pettigrew:** i was wondering if you guys wanted to meet again today so we can talk everything through?
> 
> **Stacy:** sure! where do you want to meet?
> 
> **pettigrew:** beach?
> 
> **Stacy:** at five okay for you?
> 
> **pettigrew:** yes, its fine
> 
> **Stacy:** okay. we'll see you then :) 

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** OH MY GOD GOOD JOB PETER 

 **teabagging:** im going to vomit all over the place

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** you will be fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine

 **Mr. Evans:** take a vomit bag with you anyway :) just to be safe :)

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Ffs, James.

 **Mr. Evans:** WHAT??? Im just being realistic here

 **teabagging:** damn thats a good idea, i'll take a couple plastic bags with me 

 **Mr. Evans:** SEE? he gets it

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** hows everyone else doing?

 **Mr. Evans:** **shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** absolutely wonderful (((:::::

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** me too ((((::::

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Jesus fucking Christ. How do you fuck up that bad??

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** talent (((((:::::

* * *

Peter only stopped chewing down on his nails when he felt the coppery taste of blood seep onto his tongue. 

The sky looked absolutely fantastic, shades of pink and orange turning the ocean into cotton candy. The wind was gentle and cool as it blew through his messy hair. The birds seemed like they were trying really hard not to be a nuisance too. Everything was perfect, but Peter still couldn't control the amount of anxiety he felt. 

"Pete?" Ziyi's slightly nasally and gentle voice said from behind him and he couldn't help the shiver that ran through him. 

Ziyi and Stacy stood behind him with smiles on their faces and hands clasped together. Something sour collected in the bottom of Peter's stomach and he instinctively reached for the vomit bag in his pocket to reassure himself. Both the girls looked beautiful as always and Peter just wanted to run away. In the instant that it took them to sit on either side of Peter, his brain nearly convinced him that running away to Antarctica and living his life as a fake penguin didn't sound too bad. 

But before he could take off, Ziyi gently placed her hand on top of Peter's and gave him one of those smiles that always made Peter's heart trip up. "I'm glad you called us here," she said, letting go of Peter's hand to softly caress his cheek. 

"Uh, yeah," Peter nodded dumbly. "Me too."

"So what do you want to talk about?" Stacy asked. Although her gaze was fixed somewhere overhead in the distance, Peter knew she was focused only on him. Stacy and Peter had grown up together and knew everything there was to know about each other, so Stacy knew that Peter preferred not to make eye contact when he was nervous. When Stacy's hand slowly rested itself on top of Peter's thigh, he sighed out a relieved breath. 

Maybe everything had changed in the last few days, but some things will always be the same. 

"I just...wanted to share my, um, problems? With you two?" Peter started hesitantly. He wasn't sure how to breach the topic in a less awkward way. "I...I love you both, more than I can put into words. And I want to date both of you. I really,  _really_ do. But this is not how I want it. It shouldn't be s-so hard for me to talk to you both, it shouldn't be so awkward when we're supposed to be in a relationship," he blurted out, stumbling over his words but not letting it stop him. "I  _know_ the awkwardness is there because of me, since you both obviously don't seem to be having any trouble getting along. But I...I-I just don't know how to go back to normal with you two when things have changed so much. I don't even know what normal is supposed to be anymore."

"What's making you so awkward with us, though?" Ziyi said. "We're still the same people. Literally nothing in our relationship is going to change except for how we define it now. Sorry to burst your bubble, but your relationship with Stacy has never really been what people would call strictly platonic. You guys have an intimacy that I was always jealous of."

Peter's eyes widened at that, completely surprised. "No, we don't," Peter said defensively. 

 _Yeah, you do,_ James, Sirius and Remus' voices said in scary synchronization in his head.

"Yes, we kinda do, Pete," Stacy replied. "And Ziyi is right. The only thing that has changed between us is how you view us. Just because we brought the word 'dating' into our dynamic has made you view us and our relationship differently and that's what's making you so scared."

"No, it isn't," Peter said quietly, looking down at his feet. "I...The problem isn't that I don't know how to trust you both."

 _"What?"_ Ziyi and Stacy snapped at the same time. 

"Peter, what the hell? We're not cheating on you, we _never_ did. All we did was talk about things-" Stacy started saying angrily before Peter cut her off. 

"That's not what I mean. I know you guys didn't cheat on me," he said, grabbing both of their hands in his own and squeezing. "It's just. You're both really amazing people, yeah? And I am... _meh_. No, don't interrupt me. I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the box and I know I'm not as good looking as James or Sirius o-or you guys. I just...don't know how to trust you both not to realise it one day that I'm not good enough for you. You guys are perfect and you guys are perfect  _for each other._ Even now, I'm the one causing the problems here when you guys are always together and h-holding hands and shit. I just think it would be better if...I promise I won't be mad if you guys break up with me and just date each other. I'm just the thorn here." He finally looked up, meeting their eyes as he said, "I promise I'll continue to be friends with you both even if you break up with me. I'd rather get it over with now than somewhere down the line when I'm not prepared for it."

"Oh, so you're prepared for it today, huh?" Stacy said angrily, ripping her hand out of Peter's grasp while Peter stared at her helplessly. He wasn't sure what he had done wrong. "Did you prepare that little speech in the past few days when you were _isolating_ yourself from us? Were you preparing yourself for us rejecting you? You are so fucking  _sure_ that we're better off without you, that you don't even care about how we _actually_   _feel."_

"Stacy, just-" Ziyi tried to cool her down but Stacy raised a hand to stop her. 

"You know what, Peter? You're such a fucking jackass. I've loved you since  _so_ fucking long and I watched you pull yourself down for all these years but I'm so fucking tired of it," she said, eyes tearing up. "You're right. Maybe we shouldn't date. I don't think I can date someone who is so  _selfishly_ obsessed with his own insecurities that you can't even see how much we care about you. I don't want to spend the next decade of my life watching you hate yourself and being the only one in the relationship who cares enough to try and keep us together. I'm so fucking sick of it."

Peter was staring holes into the sand between his toes. There was something so awful and indescribable stuck in his throat and he didn't know how to get rid of it as the silence engulfed him. "I'm sorry," Peter said. He didn't know what else to say, didn't know how else to react to the realisation that he had been dragging his best friend down with him for all these years.

Stacy just scoffed as she got up and brushed off her pants. "Figures you wouldn't even put any effort into convincing me to stay. Because letting go is so much easier, _isn't it?"_ Her voice had never sounded so cutting and so  _bitter_ before. 

"Stacy,  _wait,"_ Ziyi shouted as she ran after her.

And Peter stayed right where he was. 

He wondered if penguins would accept him as one of their own.

* * *

**self-help squad**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** um so like

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** What did you do

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

****

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** woops?

 **teabagging:** EXTINGUISH IT YOU DIPSHIT STOP TAKING PICTURES

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** SIRIUS WHAT THE FUCK GET THE EXTINGUISHER

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** DAMN U RIGHT BRB

 **Mr. Evans:** im driving over right now 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** YES PLEASE WHAT THE FUCK

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** okies the fires out lolz

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

****

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** but i cant feed this to regs

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** PLEASE, for the love of GOD, stop trying to cook. I love you, I don't want you to die days before we finally get to be together.

 **teabagging:** i dont understand how you managed to do that

 **teabagging:** how do you not know how to cook

 **teabagging:** how are you twenty one

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** listen boi, i had multiple cooks. im not a peasant like u

 **teabagging:** -_-

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** damn james is already here 

 **Mr. Evans:** i drove over really fast

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** GOOD NEWS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** JAMES SAID HE'LL HELP ME COOK (ﾉ≧▽≦)ﾉ

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** .....and what part of that is supposed to be //better//???

 **teabagging:** james is as much of a privileged brat as u

 **Mr. Evans:** excuuuuuuuse you, i make excellent tea and ramen

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** .................why am i not reassured..........

 **Mr. Evans:** dont worry we'll make spaghetti, ive made that before

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** ......may god save you both....

* * *

**Boyfriend ♡**

**ziyi_c:** Peter, are you okay?

 **ziyi_c:** I went back to look for you but I guess you left already.

 **ziyi_c:** Peter?

 **ziyi_c:** Stacy is really really mad, but I'm sure once she cools down, we can revisit this conversation and sort everything out. 

 **ziyi_c:**...I really hope we can work this out. 

 **ziyi_c:** I didn't get to share my thoughts so here I go:

 **ziyi_c:** I love you so, so, so much. I know you've always been kind of insecure about everything about you, and as much as I try to understand it, I can never get it. Because to me, you are the most gorgeous, kind, caring and smart man ever. I know a part of you also feels like you're not enough for me just because you can't....sexually please me, I guess, but that has never mattered to me. 

 **ziyi_c:** Before you, I probably wouldn't have been able to imagine myself in a relationship with no sexual intimacy but being with you taught me that I don't need it if I can only have your love and affection back. 

 **ziyi_c:** But you know, the more I think about it, the more I feel like we're forcing you into this. If you're really so uncomfortable with this whole thing, then let it be. I just want you happy. 

 **ziyi_c:** So here's the question of the day, I guess.

 **ziyi_c:** Are you happy?

**[Read 7:23 p.m.]**

* * *

**Padfoot sent you (5) new Snapchat messages.**

****

****

****

****

****

* * *

**self-help squad**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** So how does it feel to know that your fifteen year old brother knows how to cook but you don't???

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** VERY FUCKING PROUD

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he made us a gourmet af pizza

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** like,,,,how even????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and he wasnt even mad that i burnt so much shit today???????????????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** he just hugged me

 **Mr. Evans:** i cant believe a person as soft and pure as Regulus exists in this world

 **teabagging:** you guys are so fucking stupid tho

 **teabagging:** who the fuck boils spaghetti in a pan???????????????????????

 **teabagging:** youre supposed to use a pot

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ahhhhhh that makes sense

 **teabagging:** i.......am speechless

 **teabagging:** i cant believe you guys took an entire day to try to cook something and still failed

 **Mr. Evans:** at least i got my essay done 

 **Mr. Evans:** even tho i ran out of things to say 1000 words too early, you better believe i have bullshitted my way outta this

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** I would consider Sirius' task completed too tbh, because he worked really hard.

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Peter, did you do yours?

 **teabagging:** lol no i backed out at the last minute lol

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Pete...........

 **teabagging:** I'll get to it one day, i promise

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** OOOOOOOH DO I GET TO POST THE VIDEO????????????????????

 **Mr. Evans:** ITS PUNISHMENT TIME 

 **teabagging:** pls don't tell me its the noodled00d video pls i beg you

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** NOPE B)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** its the drunk and naked on top of a strangers truck in miami one ψ(｀∇´)ψ

 **teabagging:** NO EVERYONE WILL SEE MY DICK YOU HAVE TOO MANY FOLLOWERS

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** pete you literally stripped on top of a car in front of everyone

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** and its still somehow less nsfw than the noodled00d video

 **teabagging:**....how are you always right

 **teabagging:** okay you have my permission to post it

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ψ(｀∇´)ψ ψ(｀∇´)ψ ψ(｀∇´)ψ ψ(｀∇´)ψ ψ(｀∇´)ψ

* * *

srs  
London

**19,006 views •** Liked by  **Remus_Lupin** and  **12,140 others.**

 **srs** here are a few reasons why  **@peterp** shouldn't be allowed to drink.

View all 9,070 comments.

 **Remus_Lupin** tag yourself: im the cop who tried to dress peter up and accidentally grabbed a nut

 **jimjams** im peters synchronized weeewooooweeewooo with the police sirens when the cops showed up

 **srs** im peters boxers, lost and stranded

 **profmcgonagall** I'm just disappointed.

* * *

**Ziyi (๑♡3♡๑)**

**Contact name changed to "Ziyi."**

**pettigrew:** i think we should give up on this.

 **Ziyi:** Okay. But you still haven't answered my question.

 **Ziyi:** Are you happy with that?

**pettigrew: is typing...**

****pettigrew: is typing...** **

******pettigrew: is typing...** ** **

********pettigrew: is typing...** ** ** **

**pettigrew:** yeah.

 **Ziyi:** Okay. I love you, Pete. I hope we can at least stay friends.

 **pettigrew:** me too.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com%22)**


	13. Headass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **teabagging:** bet sirius has a praise kink
> 
>  **teabagging:** remus, call him a good boy or smth

**View Jams' Snapchat story.**  

  

* * *

"I feel ignored," James whined as he lugged Remus' suitcase out of the car. "I feel like I matter less. You guys know what an attention seeker I am and this is really impacting my mental abilities."

Remus forced his eyes to leave Sirius for all of two seconds so he could distractedly locate James' head and pet him in sympathy. "Sorry," he mumbled, not  _too_ sure what he was apologising for. Had Sirius' eyebrows always been this thick and... _shapely?_

"Should I take you to your room?" Sirius asked, jumping excitedly in place like an overeager puppy.

"Jesus  _Christ,_ let me at least leave before you get your freak on," James huffed out, dragging the suitcase behind him as he walked purposefully somewhere inside the house - no,  _mansion -_ that Remus was now going to be living in. 

Almost in synchronisation, Remus and Sirius' faces turned red, embarrassment making them both look away. 

"T-The kitchen then? Would you like to see the kitchen?" Sirius asked after an awkward second. 

"I mean, sure? Okay?" Remus said in amusement.

Remus had known Sirius since they were both ten and a little lost without their parents by their sides. He had helped Sirius get a small piece of chalk out of his nose that he had snorted on a dare, he had seen him through his Humanity Was Meant To Be Naked phase, he had helped him select matching shades of black for his emo phase, he had seen every version of Sirius: the brash one, the caring one, the childish one; and he was definitely going to be around to see whatever version Sirius decided to be in the coming years. But he had  _never_ seen awkward and shy Sirius. In fact, Remus had been convinced that God didn't make Siriuses in the colour Shy. 

It was strangely endearing to watch Sirius, muscled, buff guy Sirius, duck his head shyly as he walked Remus to the kitchen. The tips of his ears were red and so was the back of his neck. Remus had only seen Sirius blush because of alcohol before, and it was flattering to know that Remus' presence could cause something that even an entire bottle of Firewhisky struggled to do. 

"You've already seen it before. O-On Snapchat, remember?" Sirius said as he propped himself against the fridge in what he was hoping was an alluring pose. 

"Mmhmm," Remus mumbled uninterestedly, purposefully walking up to Sirius till there was barely any distance between them. Sirius' breath smelt like mint. "But this isn't the part of the house I'm interested in." He made sure to put on his best seductive voice as he leaned even closer to Sirius, their noses brushing together. 

Remus' gaze travelled downwards, down past where Sirius was nervously licking his lips to the bob of his throat as he swallowed. 

"What part of the house do you want to see then?" Though he didn't stutter this time, Sirius' voice sounded extra breathy and deep.

Remus took another step towards Sirius, till they were chest to chest. Bringing his hands up to cradle Sirius' face in his hands, Remus brought his lips right next to Sirius' ear as he whispered, "The swimming pool, you rich brat."

With a loud groan, Sirius threw his head back against the fridge, hard enough to make the noise echo through the sound of Remus' loud laughter. "You're such a  _tease,_ " Sirius moaned, though a smile curled his lips upwards. 

"What?" Remus asked in feigned ignorance. "We were talking about rooms! How did I manage to tease you with that?" 

Sirius just grumbled in response, pulling Remus into himself by the hoops of his jeans. "I don't even know why I love you."

A tingle ran up and down his spine and Remus literally  _felt_ his eyes soften with fondness as he brought his hand back up to cup the side of his boyfriend's face. "Feel less awkward now?"

Sirius nodded, hiding his face in the curve of Remus' neck and pressing a lingering kiss there. 

"Hey," Remus said after a moment, shrugging to try and dislodge Sirius from where he was most definitely sucking a hickey. "Don't go giving me hickies before you even kiss me for real." 

Sirius was immediately on it. 

It felt so, so,  _so_ good every time they were together. They had been together for nearly a year now and been on less than ten dates, none of them ever having the time to travel between London and Birmingham to get any more time together. It had been tiring and emotionally exhausting to be so far away from each other, but every second of the wait had been worth it. 

Sirius' lips felt  _oh, so soft_ against his own. 

"Mmp- _why_ do you taste so minty?" Remus mumbled as they broke apart to breathe. Sirius' lips were bitten red and slick, and his hair a complete and absolute mess. Could anyone  _really_ blame Remus for the way his blood rushed south at the sight?

Sirius' ears went red again as he looked away. "I-I-Chewing gum," he said as an explanation and Remus titled his head in confusion. 

"Why is that making you blush?"

"Because I wanted to taste good when I kiss you." 

Remus chuckled fondly, fisting his hands in Sirius' shirt as he brought him back into a kiss. It was more desperate this time, and Sirius seemed just as hungry for more, his tongue pressing insistently at Remus' lips. Remus instinctually pressed his hips into Sirius' and the other boy let out a stuttered gasp against Remus' lips.

" _God,_ you're so hard already, babe," Remus whispered, biting at Sirius' jawline as Sirius' hands found their way into the back of Remus' shirt.

" _Ah,"_ Sirius moaned, his nails biting into Remus' skin as the other boy sucked at the soft skin of Sirius' neck. "Y-You're way too good at kissing."

Remus ground down back onto where Sirius' cock was tenting the front of his jeans and continued kissing his way down from Sirius' neck. "Mm, I'm pretty good at other things too," Remus said suggestively before biting at Sirius' collar bones and making him moan even louder. His cock twitched in the confines of his sweats at the sound and Remus went back to kissing Sirius, tongues sliding against each others'. 

"Damn, I'm glad Regulus already left for Hogwarts," James' voice interrupted. Remus and Sirius jumped apart like they had been electrocuted to find James sitting casually at the kitchen island, chin resting on his upturned hand. "My pure, little, innocent baby definitely doesn't need to watch such  _filth_ happening in the kitchen." 

Remus groaned and leaned his head against Sirius' shoulder once the shock of the interruption faded away a little. There was no way Sirius and Remus could separate without giving James an eyeful of their boners, and knowing James, he would definitely make a video of it all. 

Sirius threw his head back against the fridge again, and at this point, Remus was sure that there was going to be a Sirius shaped dent there. "I fucking hate you so much," Sirius said and Remus let out a choked laugh.

"Did you guys honestly forget I was here?" 

"The real question is, why  _are_ you here?" Remus snapped back, too horny to be nice. 

"Wow, Remus," James said, offended. "And here I was going to pretend to not notice your raging boners for each other, but  _this is how you treat me._ Wow."

"Never say those words, ever again," Sirius begged. 

"And why are you guys trying to hide your erect penises from me?" James said and both Remus and Sirius groaned again.

"Please go back to raging boners."

"Did you forget that I've caught Remus fucking in the hallways more times than I can count? I've seen his Man of Steel in all its naked glory," James continued as if he had never been interrupted. "And since I'm the official Approver Of All Sirius' Noods, I have also seen Sirius' yogurt slinging bazooka without its covers." 

"Sirius, you good? Because my dick is softer than a feather now, thanks to James Potter," Remus said with a sigh and Sirius sighed right back. 

"Yeah, my boner died as soon as I saw his ugly mug," Sirius replied, but only tightened his grip around Remus. "But we can stay like this anyway." 

"Ew,  _gross,"_ James said, gagging as he pushed himself off his seat. "I'm leaving. I don't need to watch you guys being absolutely mushy with each other,  _ew._ Lily and I are moving-in in a week so you better get it out of your system by then!"

Remus heard the sound of James' footsteps become fainter and fainter before he heard the front door shut. He sagged right back into Sirius' body, trusting the other to hold him up. "Ah, I'm so tired," he mumbled, leaving ticklish butterfly kisses down the side of Sirius' neck. "And hungry."

Sirius kissed Remus on the top of his head, letting himself linger there just to breathe in the scent of Remus' citrus shampoo. "Want to go for a date?"

"If it's not too vigorous, hell yes," Remus said, grinning from ear to ear.

* * *

 Remus_Lupin  
 London

Liked by  **lily__, gideon, srs** and  **8,904 others.**

**Remus_Lupin** i cant believe we're finally living together again and that we now have a fixed DATE NIGHT (~ ￣ ³ ￣ )~

View all 304 comments.

**gideon** look at you showing off your man

**Remus_Lupin** **(つ▀¯▀)つ @gideon**

**lily__** ahhhh adorable!

**bazinga.belle** youre dating a black brother?????????? youre so fucking lucky dude

**srs** im luckier  **@bazinga.belle**

**bazinga.belle** OH MY GOD SIRIUS FUCKING BLACK REPLIED TO MY COMMENT HOLY SHIT

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Mr. Evans:** so remus definitely has a biting kink

**teabagging:** thought so

**teabagging:** bet sirius has a praise kink

**teabagging:** remus, call him a good boy or smth

**teabagging:** bet he'll love it

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** wtf??? am not a dog???

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** OKAY HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT I MIGHT BE A DOG

**Mr. Evans:**...that was quick

********✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:******** he literally shuddered ;)

**teabagging:** damn im always right

* * *

  **Headass**

**lil-e:** as much as im looking forward to all of us living together again

**lil-e:** i bet sirius and remus are going to be gayer than usual together now

**Headass:** well, to be fair, they are pretty gay apart too

**lil-e:** **shared a photo.**

**Headass:** i love how you just had that meme on hand

**lil-e:** i breathz the memes i live 4 d memez

**Headass:** stop making me fall in love with you even more 

**lil-e:** ♡´･ᴗ･`♡

**Headass:** you done packing?

**lil-e:** **shared a photo.**

****

**lil-e:** no lmao

**Headass: shared a photo.**

****

**lil-e: shared a photo.**

****

 

**lil-e:** um?

**Headass:**?

**lil-e:** brb

* * *

**Remus**

**lil-e:** HOW DID THE DATE GO?

**Remus:** its still going

**Remus:** hey, speaking of dates, i wanted to ask you something

**lil-e:** what is it?

**Remus:** i just realised that we've never seriously talked about james

**lil-e:** what about james?

**lil-e:** if its about the live in situation, i already told you that im okay with living with him and sirius

**lil-e:** i promise i wont smother them to death in their sleep, no matter how much i long to feel their breath leave their bodies for once and all

**Remus:**.........thats......nice to hear..............i guess.....................

**Remus:** (please dont kill my boyfriend, he might be a jackass sometimes but i really love him, thank you)

**Remus:** no, i meant as in, talked about james in a romantic sense

**lil-e:** remus are you..................do u think u like james too???

**lil-e:** SHIT WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT

**lil-e:** YOU CANT GET A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP LIKE PETE 

**lil-e:** JAMES AND SIRIUS ARE LIKE BROTHERS THEY WOULD NEVER

**Remus:** okay first of all, ew

**Remus:** second of all, not all poly relationships have all the people romantically involved with each other, sometimes its just one person who loves two people where those two people are okay with sharing that one person

**Remus:** third, I MEANT YOU THINKING OF HIM ROMANTICALLY

**lil-e:**.....why would i do that

**Remus:** do what

**lil-e:** think of james...........romantically

**Remus:** because! 

**Remus:** WHY ARE YOU MAKING THIS SO DIFFICULT

**Remus:** so you know, we all know james is in love with you right?

**Remus:** and hes done so much to woo you and shit

**Remus:** didnt that ever like

**Remus:** make you feel tingly?

**lil-e:** i guess....yeah

**Remus:** YASSSSS

**lil-e:** tingly like how you feel right before you take a SHIT

**lil-e:** wtf is wrong with you? why are you asking me all this?

**Remus:** WHY NOT????????????

**lil-e:** remus i dont even know the guy that well

**lil-e:** we talk on and off and its mostly about you and sirius

* * *

**Headass**

**lil-e:** so remus is asking me if i'd ever date you

**lil-e:** in a very awkward and indirect way

**Headass:** LMAOOOOOOO

**Headass:** they have a 'secret' group chat called jily where they're trying to set us up

**lil-e:** really?????

**Headass:** yeah lmao they think we're in love or smth

**lil-e:** BUT THAT WHOLE WOOING THING WAS A JOKE WASNT IT???

**Headass:** SEE? YOU KNOW IT

**Headass:** they thought i was doing it for real

**lil-e:** what kind of dumbasses wow

**Headass:** ikr

**lil-e:** wait do you want to mess with them???

**Headass:** you have my attention Ψ(｀◇´)Ψ

**Headass:** how do you want to do this?

**lil-e:** im gonna tell him i wouldnt mind getting to know you and shit

**lil-e:** lets see what they have up their sleeves

**Headass:** omg im in

* * *

**Remus**

**Remus:** but now that we're all going to be living together, wouldn't you like to get to know him???

**Remus:** and maybe if you like what you discover, maybe you could you know, take the next step???????

**Remus:** like, does that sound completely repulsive to you or would you like to let Fate do its thing?

**lil-e:** i guess i wouldnt mind it 

**lil-e:** hes hilarious so he cant be that bad

**Remus:** OKAY BYE GTG MAKE OUT WITH SIRIUS

**lil-e:** okay?

* * *

**Headass**

**lil-e:** and the games begin

* * *

**JILY WILL RISE!!**

**Fanboy #1:** CHILDREN I HAVE CONFIRMATION FROM LILY THAT SHE WOULDNT MIND DATING JAMES POTTERUHNKFJCCMDSv

**imaan:** FINALLY SOME ENTERTAINMENT

**regulusb:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**pettigrew:** so whats the plan of action

**fabian_w:** we make voodoo dolls of them and make them kiss each other ofc

**pettigrew:** pls tell me thats a  joke bc i dont trust you enough

**fabian_w:** i got my sewing kit out

**gideon:** he really does have it out

**Fanboy #1:** NO VOODOO DOLLS IN THIS CHAT PLEASE AND THANK YOU

**Fanboy #1: L** eave the planning and plotting to me and Sirius.

**Fanboy #1:** BUT WE SHALL KEEP YOU UPDATED B)

**srs:** please put your phone away and focus on me, love <3 

**fabian_w:** EW I FEEL SO VIOLATED

**regulusb: shared a photo.**

**gideon:** AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

**pettigrew:** HOW DARE YOU ATTACK MY HEART THIS WAY REGULUS

**pettigrew:** I NEED TO BE WARNED BEFORE YOU SEND US A PHOTO OF YOUR ANGELIC FACE

**fabian_w:** im..........speechless

**regulusb:** GUYS THATS SUPPOSED TO REPRESENT MY DISGUST AT MY BROTHER AND HIS HUSBAND TO BE WHY ARE YOU GUYS LIKE THIS

**stay-c: shared a photo.**

**regulusb:** AHHUASDJKN

**imaan:** REGS YOU SO CUTE WHO ALLOWED YOU WHERES YOUR PERMIT

**regulusb: shared a photo.**

**stay-c:** Kjhcn,mdcilj

**pettigrew:** BOIIIIIIIIIIII CALL 999 I DEAD

**imaan:** I WILL AJKHSDNCM<E

**regulusb:**..........no mortal should have as much power as i do

**gideon:** I ASDJNKNJKDASWHDOIHJN

* * *

Sirius cuddled up against Remus' chest, placing the refilled bowl of popcorn on the table, and let out a satisfied sigh as he wiggled into a more comfortable position on his boyfriend's lap.

"Today has been such a dream," Remus murmured sleepily into Sirius' hair, intertwining their fingers together and giving his hand a tiny squeeze. "I'm scared that I'll wake up soon."

"For now, you should be thinking about going to sleep," Sirius said fondly, pecking Remus' nose.

Their dinner had dragged on for hours, none of them wanting their date to end. They had started at a Korean BBQ place and spent nearly two hours just talking and eating more than two people probably should in one go. Sirius couldn't stop himself from reaching across the table to hold onto Remus' hands throughout the dinner, which amused Remus to no ends. Afterwards, they had decided to walk to an ice-cream place a couple blocks away from where Sirius had parked his car, giving them time to digest their food a little. In retrospect, Sirius couldn't really remember anything he'd eaten or how the restaurant had looked. All he could remember was how stunning Remus had looked.

But Remus had had a long day and his eyes had started drooping around nine, so they had decided to finally make their way home. 

But once home, Remus was reluctant to let go of Sirius and pulled him down to the couch for a cuddle sesh disguised under as a movie marathon. 

"I don't want to," Remus whined, voice low and tired. "I don't want to go to my room. Why do we even have separate rooms? What's the point? I love you, you love me. We should be sleeping together!"

Sirius' face warmed up at that, a smile lighting up his face. "Yeah?"

"Yeah," Remus replied firmly. 

"Okay," Sirius agreed easily. 

"Okay?" Remus asked in confusion, too sleepy to really know what was happening.

"You haven't unpacked, right?" Sirius asked and Remus nodded. "Don't, then. I'll give you a night suit for tonight and tomorrow, you can move all your stuff to my room. You're right. There's no point of having separate rooms when I'm just going to end up crawling to you every night."

Remus grinned right back at Sirius, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's neck to bring him into a slow and languid kiss. "That sounds perfect."

* * *

**Stacy**

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** hello

**pettigrew:** henlo

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** OH MY GOD SO YOURE REPLYING IN THE JILY CHAT BUT YOU WONT EVEN READ MY MESSAGES

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** stacy

**pettigrew:** please just talk to me

**pettigrew:** i love you so much i dont want to lose you over this

**pettigrew:** to be honest, i dont even know why you were so mad

**pettigrew:** i mean, i do know but why were you SO mad

**pettigrew:** like, you were really really mad

**pettigrew:** just talk to me pls :(((((((((((

**pettigrew:** stacy pls :((((((

* * *

**Peter <3**

**ziyi:** pete sorry but stacy said to tell you to 'shut the fuck up and stop messaging me'

**pettigrew:** will she ever forgive me?

**ziyi:** i dont know babe

**ziyi:** i honestly dont know but shes really pissed

**pettigrew:** but whyyyyyyyy

**ziyi:** talk to her

**pettigrew:** im trying 

**ziyi:** try harder

**[Read 6:53 p.m.]**

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *saves an excessive amounts of kim taehyung pictures* woW CANT BELIEVE IM DOING SO MUCH FOR MY STORY YES ONLY FOR MY STORY WOW 
> 
> **About the timeline:** Theres lots of problems with this story, but perhaps the biggest problem is the timeline and it's too late to fix it. I'll probably do it after I've completed the whole thing, but for now, here's an explanation: they graduated at 18, wolfstar didn't start dating till they were 20 and now they're 21. Most chapters cover only a day or two, but we jump from month to month between each chapter. I hope that makes sense?
>
>> tumblr: **[punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com:)**


	14. The Grand Return Of Sirius' Fanboying Centre

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Kissing feels so good because we're very much in love with each other. I'm so in love with you that I want to have your babies and introduce you to my mother."
> 
> "Remus, baby, your mom already knows me and loves me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less texts and more text.
> 
>  **Warning:** Rating has been changed to explicit. Grinding, biting kink and a lil bit of a praise kink. Is hickey kink a thing, because yeah?

srs  
London

Liked by  **lily__, jimjams, stay-c** and  **20,506 others.**

 **srs** he slep ٩(^ᴗ^)۶ w/  **@Remus_Lupin**

View all 7,400 comments.

 **regulusb** youre so soft for remus its ridiculous

 **giselllllle** OH MY GOD REGULUS BLACK HI HOW YOU I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I LOVE YOUR VOICE HAKJSCN

 **chrischrischris** **@regulusb** youre so fucking hot oh my god when are you posting the next song????

 **Remus_Lupin** AHHHH you absolute creep <3 <3 <3 I love you so much <3 <3 <3

 **srs** <3 i <3 got <3 no <3 shame <3  **@regulusb @Remus_Lupin**

* * *

**Stacy**

**Contact name changed to "♡."**

**pettigrew:** good morning (*≧▽≦)

 **pettigrew:** i am going on a walk!!

 **pettigrew:** the weather is so nice today

**pettigrew: shared a photo.**

****

**pettigrew:** and i saw like, three cats ✩°｡⋆⸜(ू˙꒳˙ )

* * *

"You know I used to be in 1D," Remus sang.

"Now I'm out free," Sirius backed him up, jumping on top of the couch and throwing his arms out in apparent freedom. 

"People want me for one thing."

"That's not me!"

"I'm not changing the way that I used to be," Remus sang, following his boyfriend on top of the couch and continuing to sing into the whisk that was working as a makeshift microphone. "I just wanna have fun and-" He brought the whisk to Sirius' mouth, who enthusiastically shouted, "GET ROWDY!"

Waking up next to each other had been a great start to their morning. The birds were chirping, the sun was out and Remus discovered that waking up to your boyfriend's kisses all over your face was an absolutely exceptional feeling. 

He also discovered that it was really hard to get out of bed when there is so much kissing you have to do while twisting around in the sheets. 

Not that he was complaining.

Once they finally managed to climb out of bed and throw some clothes on, they had spent another hour in the bathroom, giggling as they tried to brush each other's teeth. It was gross and domestic and so, so perfect. They had decided on pancakes for breakfast and Remus had immediately ushered Sirius out of the kitchen, refusing to teach him anything till he got rid of his propensity to set things on fire. Sirius had taken on the role of the in-house DJ, playing the most ridiculous songs that kept making Remus pause in his work in the kitchen to come slap the iPod out of a giggling Sirius' hands.

But then Sirius had grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him into dancing to "Shake It Off," and the pancakes were quickly forgotten.

"You know I love it when the music's loud, but c'mon, strip that down for me, baby," Sirius said in a low voice, eyes turning playfully sultry as he pulled Remus in by the hips and pressed a kiss to his shoulder.

Remus wrapped his arms loosely around Sirius' neck, bringing their mouths together in a slow, lingering kiss. He let Sirius gently pry his lips apart, their tongues sliding together, electrifying every part of him. Remus let him take the lead because he knew how nervous Sirius was about the physical part of their relationship. He didn't want to do anything that would make his boyfriend uncomfortable in any way. He let his fingers slowly make their way into Sirius' hair, moaning softly into Sirius' mouth as he played with the soft strands.

Sirius pulled them closer till their chests were pressed together, breaking away to press kisses all over Remus' face as he laughed.

"I don't think I'll ever get tired of kissing you," Sirius confessed, pulling Remus in again. " _Mmm,_ why does it feel so  _good?"_ he exclaimed, making Remus laugh again.

"Lips are," Remus started saying before pausing to peck Sirius on the lips, "the most," another little peck, "exposed erogenous parts," peck, "of our bodies."

Sirius pulled back a little to frown at Remus. "That makes it sound so weird and... _scientific,"_ he complained. "Couldn't you say something like, kissing feels so good because we're in love with each other?"

"Okay then," Remus said with a happy smile. "Kissing feels so good because we're very much in love with each other. I'm so in love with you that I want to have your babies and introduce you to my mother."

"Remus, baby, your mom already knows me and loves me."

"You know what I mean," Remus grumbled, pressing another little kiss to Sirius' nose. "Now, let go of me. We need pancakes!"

Sirius groaned, hugging Remus close to himself and rocking them side to side.  _"Nooo,"_ he bemoaned. "Let's just eat cereal and then go back to bed. Please?"

"You know what," Remus said, tightening his hold around his lover. "That actually sounds like a much better plan."

* * *

**Ziyi**

**Contact name changed to "♥."**

**pettigrew:** good morning ٩(θ‿θ)۶

 **♥:** Good morning! (๑>ᴗ<๑)

 **pettigrew:** hows your day been so far?

 **♥:** Pretty good, actually. I'm just going out for a walk because the weather is so good today!

 **pettigrew:** oh, me too! im already out at the beach 

 **♥:** I am heading there after a small run to Costa!

 **♥:** You want something from there?

 **pettigrew:** yes please :)

 **♥:** The regular?

 **pettigrew:** yes please :))

 **♥:** Okay. See you in five (^･ｪ･^)

 **pettigrew:** oh my goD IS T HAT A CAT EMOTICON??

 **♥:** YES!

 **pettigrew:** I LOVE IT

* * *

"This is the most pansexual movie I have ever seen," Sirius said, putting his bowl of Froot Loops to his mouth and draining the milk in one go. 

"Right?" Remus exclaimed. "I love it! I love the message so much too."

"It's my new favourite romantic movie," Sirius added solemnly and Remus nodded in agreement.

Remus reached out to shut the laptop closed and put it away. He placed his finished plate of toast on the side table, wiggling his way closer to where Sirius was lying half propped against the headboard and resting his head on Sirius' thighs. "What do we do now?"

"I kinda just want to stay in bed for the rest of the day," Sirius admitted, running his free hand gently down Remus' neck and shoulders. "Are you okay with that?"

"Hell yes, I am," Remus said with a raised fist. "Can we just stay here and talk? And order pizza later?"

"I'm always up for pizza and talking," Sirius replied, placing his bowl on the side table as well. He slipped downwards till Remus and Sirius were lying face to face on the bed, grinning at each other.

"We're so whipped for each other, it's almost embarrassing," Remus said with a chuckle. 

"Can't even argue that," Sirius said, running his fingers through the soft curls of Remus' hair.

"Hey, do you mind if I ask you something?"

"Hmm?"

"Uh, I really hope you don't mind me asking this and if it's too intrusive, you can just say 'pass,' okay?" Remus said in advance, eyes serious. 

"Of course."

"I just wanted to talk about the...virginity thing," Remus said, cringing a little at the embarrassing phrasing, and Sirius' ears burnt red immediately. "I noticed the other day that you kind of, changed the topic when it came up and I'm really sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable with the way I reacted. I was just really surprised."

Sirius groaned, hiding his face in the pillow as Remus continued saying 'sorry's and rubbing up and down his back. 

"This is so embarrassing," Sirius' muffled voice said into the pillow. 

"I'm sorry," Remus said again. 

Sirius turned his head to face Remus again, his face the shade of a tomato. "It's not really your fault so stop apologising," he said. "It's just that you're quite experienced with relationships, yes? And I know you really love sex and I just love masturbation because actually doing sexy things with others kind of always freaked me out. Not to say I don't want to have sex with you because I do! I really,  _really_ fucking do, but I-I'm not sure how to go about it now that you  _know_ that I don't know what I'm doing."

"What do you mean?" Remus asked with a frown. 

Sirius sighed. "I was going to pretend to be confident and a complete casanova when we got to fucking."

"Sirius-What-I-You are so fucking unbelievable," Remus sputtered before dissolving into laughter. 

Sirius whined in response, nudging Remus in the stomach to get him to stop. "Stop making fun of me!"

"Sorry, its just-You're such a cutie, I can't deal with it," Remus said, eyes crinkled with mirth. "It's okay if you don't want to have sex, it's okay if you're not yet ready for it, it's okay if you want to have sex right now. We'll go at your speed. Stop worrying so much about it, silly! It will happen naturally, like yesterday in the kitchen. If James hadn't interrupted, I would've definitely blown you."

"R-Remus!" Sirius complained, scandalised. His face was never going to return to its normal colour again. 

"Aww, did I embarrass you again?" Remus cooed as Sirius tried to hide his face in his hands. "Did you just get shy because I talked about blowing you?"

Sirius made a strangled noise behind his hands that only made Remus laugh harder.

"Because like, I definitely would've gotten on my knees for you," Remus continued teasing, trying to pry Sirius' hands away from his face enough to press a kiss on his lips. "I would've started from your neck, kiss my way down your chest." Sirius' eyes were diluted and Remus bit his lip at the look he was receiving. "You love hickies, don't you, love?" he asked, pressing his lips to Sirius' pulse point and feeling his throat vibrate with an answering moan. "I'd leave marks all the way down your chest to your stomach. Would you like that?"

"Fuck," Sirius gasped, hips rutting instinctually into Remus' thigh as it made its way between Sirius' legs. "Y-Yes, I'd like that.  _Fuck,_ kiss me, please."

Remus nipped teasingly at the sensitive skin of his neck before obliging and pulling Sirius into a heated kiss. Sirius tangled his fingers into Remus' hair, pulling on them till Remus got the hint and climbed on top of his boyfriend. They kissed till their lips felt sensitive and swollen from the activity and slick with spit. Sirius pulled back, only to latch onto the side of Remus' neck, biting hard enough to leave a mark.

"Jesus,  _fuck,"_ Remus moaned, a pulse of arousal throbbing between his legs. 

Sirius grabbed the hem of Remus' t-shirt, pulling at it. "Off, take it  _off,"_ he whined desperately and Remus quickly pushed up to do just that. 

Sirius' own t-shirt quickly found its way on the floor as they both pulled at each other desperately. He was sure Remus was going to have scratch marks all over his back from how hard his nails were digging into the other boy's skin but there was no way he could control himself, especially not when Remus, the little shit, decided to grind onto Sirius' erection. 

"Ah, fuck, fuck, fuck," Sirius cursed, back arching at the pleasure of Remus' clothed cock pressing insistently against his own. "That feels so f-fucking good."

"Yeah?" Remus asked, panting as he moved his hips faster. "You like it when I rub against your cock, baby?"

"Shut the fuck up," Sirius growled, biting down hard on Remus' shoulder. "If you keep fucking talking like that, I'll come in my pants."

"And what's wrong with that?" Remus asked with a chuckle. He bent down to lick his way back into Sirius' mouth, swallowing down his boyfriend's moans as one of his hands reached down to play with Sirius' nipples. Sirius shuddered, mouth dislodging from Remus'. "I think it's so fucking hot. How turned on you are right now.  _Fuck,_ you should see how good you look right now, baby." 

"H-How do I look?" Sirius panted, tugging at Remus' hair as he moved his hips to Remus' movements.

"You look like you've been fucked so good," was Remus' filthy response and Sirius moaned loudly again. "I haven't even touched your cock yet, baby, and you're already so close. Do you think you can come like this? Just from rubbing against me? Like a good boy?" Remus asked, looking down at the writhing body under him, but Sirius was too far gone to say anything. Remus gently ran a hand along Sirius' jawline, kissing the tip of Sirius' nose. "Can you answer me, baby?"

"Y- _Uh,_ yes," Sirius moaned, hands clenching and unclenching in the sheets of their on accord. 

"Yes, what?" 

"Yeah, I can come," he replied, hips lifting up to chase after the pressure of Remus grinding down on him. "I'm so close, babe.  _Please."_

"M-Me too," Remus said, reaching a hand down to cup Sirius on top of his shorts. "God damn, you're so hard," he whined, stomach knotting with the oncoming orgasm. 

"Oh my god, oh my god," Sirius muttered, moving against Remus' hands till his body shuddered with an orgasm. "Fuck,  _fuck,"_ he said unintelligibly, pulling Remus down on top of him to mouth at his shoulder, mind completely blank. He vaguely registered Remus tensing on top of him before shuddering and gasping out a moan, but the world looked too bright and sounds were not really filtering into his brain properly so he wasn't too sure.

"Fuck, that was so hot," Remus moaned. 

They collapsed together, their pants sounding weirdly loud in the quiet house. 

"Fuck, my ears are beeping," Sirius said after a moment and Remus let out a startled laughter.

Pushing himself off Sirius, he lay down next to his boyfriend, grimacing at the wet, slimy feeling inside his sweats. "That good?" he asked, breaths still out of control. 

"That good," Sirius confirmed. He reached down to grab his tee off the floor and wiped at the sweat on both their torsos. "We should really shower."

"Mm," Remus said tiredly. "I think I cramped my leg."

"Shit, really?"

"Yeah. I've grown old."

"Still young enough to make us come in like, five minutes," Sirius deadpanned.

Remus guffawed, forcing himself to sit up. "I'll go shower in my previous bathroom and you can take the one here?" he said, posing it as a question.

Sirius looked at him with a sleazy smirk, pulling him back down onto the bed.  _"Ooor,"_ he singsonged, "we could just shower in our bathroom together."

Remus couldn't help the grin on his face. "You okay with that?"

Sirius nodded his consent, sealing it with a kiss. "Not like we haven't seen each other naked a billion times before," he added when they broke apart.

* * *

**srs created new group chat.**

**srs changed group name to "Sirius' Fanboying Centre."**

**srs added pettigrew to "Sirius' Fanboying Centre."**

**srs added Jams to "Sirius' Fanboying Centre."**

**Jams:** oh no

 **pettigrew:** i hate whatever youre going to say

 **srs:** so like,,,,,

 **srs:** remus is FAN-TAS-TIC in bed

 **Jams:** who is shocked? 

 **pettigrew:** not me

 **srs:** whats that supposed to mean?

 **Jams:** he was literally famous in hogwarts for having the most bomb dick game

 **srs:** speaking of dicks

 **pettigrew:** stop right there 

 **Jams:** pls dont say it pls

 **srs:** remus is definitely a grow-er not a show-er (⌐▨_▨)

 **srs:** ya boi will definitely have to practice on a few bananas before i learn hwo not to choke on that monster

**Jams: shared a photo.**

****

**pettigrew: shared a photo.**

****

* * *

  **♥**

 **pettigrew:** can i just say that it was so good to spend time with you?

 **pettigrew:** without the awkwardness at all?

 **♥:** Yes! I missed you so much. 

 **pettigrew:** i missed you so much

 **pettigrew:** haha jinx!

 **♥:** I'm sorry we made you so uncomfortable with polyamory thing that you felt like you couldn't be comfortable with us anymore. And I'm glad you decided to end that if it means I get to have you back again, even if it's just as a friend. 

 **pettigrew:** it wasnt the polyamory that made me uncomfy

 **pettigrew:** you know im not good with things changing and it was too much too suddenly

 **pettigrew:** esp bc i thought id lost you

 **♥:** I'm still sorry. We should have thought of a better way to bring it up.

 **pettigrew:** and i shouldnt have freaked out so hard throughout the whole thing

 **♥:** Peter..,,..my boy, you have anxiety.

 **pettigrew:** still ://

 **pettigrew:** im going to go over to stacys house now i think

 **♥:** Oh?

 **pettigrew:** i love you both too much to lose either of you

 **pettigrew:** and im sorry if you ever felt sidelined because i didnt realise how i felt for stacy while we were dating

 **♥:** Oh???

 **♥:** I'm sorry, but is this you admitting that you definitely have romantic feelings for her?

 **pettigrew:**...for both of you*

 **♥:** Peter

 **♥:** What 

 **♥:** I

 **pettigrew:** let me sort this out, okay?

 **pettigrew:** i promise i wont fuck up this time

 **♥:** I.....

 **♥:** Okay.

 **pettigrew:** I'm sorry for this entire fucking drama that I've caused when it could've been so simple.

 **♥:** Simple is overrated in my opinion. 

 **pettigrew:** hahaah you right

* * *

**[View Padfoot's Snapchat story.]**

* * *

Peter felt as if his heart was going to beat right out of his chest, bile rising up his throat in nervousness as he made his way to Stacy's room. 

The ringing in his ears increased with every step he took towards the closed door. His stomach felt jittery and his legs weak. He hated when this happened to him. Stacy wasn't going to kill him but his fight-or-flight system was convinced that something truly horrific was going to happen to him on the other side of the door. He kept telling himself that the worst that could happen was Stacy refusing to stay friends with him, and even that would feel really, _really_ shitty, he would survive and he would move on. But no amount of rationalisations could convince his brain that the world wasn't ending.

With shaking hands, Peter knocked on Stacy's door and heard a lethargic, "Come in," from inside.

Taking a final, deep breath, he twisted the knob to the room that he had spent a large part of his life in and pushed the door open. Stacy's eyes widened in shock before narrowing in dislike when they saw him shuffle inside.

She was lying in her I'm-too-sad-to-function position on the bed; slouched against the headboard, laptop balanced on her boobs and arms lying limp on the sides. She quickly sat up, placing her laptop on the bed gently before turning her stormy eyes back on him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to apologise," he said, inching forward cautiously and reaching out to place a plastic bag filled with her favourite snacks beside her. "And I brought all your favourite crisps."

"I..." Stacy mumbled, eyebrows furrowed in disapproval as she glared at the plastic bag. "There's nothing to apologise for."

"Yes, there is," Peter said immediately. "You've been so angry at me. You've never been this angry at me."

"I have actually," Stacy said with a huff, folding her legs under herself and patting the bed to ask Peter to take a seat. "When you broke my favourite pen."

Peter winced. "Oh, yeah," he admitted. "That had been bad. I still can't believe you bit a chunk of my skin off, you heathen."

"Hey!" she said, affronted. "I was _five,_ and you're here to beg for my forgiveness, not insult me."

Peter chuckled, toeing off his shoes to sit cross legged on the bed. The nerves were still ever present but he didn't feel as if he was three seconds away from passing out now that they were back to their normal rapport. 

Stacy sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear before flopping back onto the bed with a groan. "I'm sorry for all the shit I said to you," she said, peeking at him and then quickly looking away. "You know I have a bad temper and I just..." Another sigh. "I'm so fucking tired, Pete. We've been best friends since...since before I developed an understanding for object permanence. We used to compare diaper fashion!"

Peter laughed fondly, reaching out to hold her hand in his own. 

"I've had to watch you beat yourself down for so fucking long and I guess I never really realised how much it was affecting  _me,"_ Stacy continued. "You've always been my best friend and I've always admired you so much. It's really weird seeing the guy you love  _so much_ not love himself, you know? Not to make this about myself-" she said quickly but Peter just waved it off.

"-No, go on."

"I-I watched you beat yourself up for not being 'smart enough,' I watched you go on really harmful diets because you felt too fat and I watched you completely disregard your achievements and always just focusing on your failures. And through all of it, I tried so hard to be there for you, even though you were - you  _are_ always trying to push me away. I get that it's because you never feel enough, but like, once in a while, I'd like to feel like I'm not the only one who cares enough to try to hold onto our friendship," Stacy said and Peter hated himself for how guilty she looked admitting that. "Even with this - this polyamory thing, I don't care if you don't want us to have a romantic relationship, I'm more than happy being friends with you forever, but I just can't deal with you pushing me away again."

Peter nodded, trying to swallow down the hate he felt for himself for making Stacy feel like she didn't matter enough to him. He wasn't going to let his shit self esteem get in the way once again. 

"I'm sorry that you felt like I didn't care about you," he said, blinking away the tears that had started to burn at his eyes. "It was never like that. You're my best friend and you're the one permanent person in my life, you know? I care about you so much th-that I don't know how to put it into words. I always expected you to find a better friend some day and  _God,_ I hated Imaan for the longest time because I thought she would steal you from me."

 _"What?"_ Stacy exclaimed in surprise.

Peter just rolled his eyes at himself before continuing, "I even told her you had a contagious disease to get her to back off."

"Peter, what the  _fuck?"_

"You can count on her to be your ride or die, though," Peter said sagely, cheeks tinged in embarrassment. He had never told anyone about his fit of insanity before. "She still didn't back off."

"Oh my god,  _that's_ why she started treating me like I was breakable!"

"Yeah," Peter confirmed. "I just...I  _do_ want to hold onto you forever. I care a little too much, to be honest. I'm always worrying about losing you."

Stacy was immediately in front of Peter and cradling his face in her hands, brow furrowed in concern. "Peter, you can  _never_ lose me. Not even if you get accused of mass murder."

"God, why does everyone keep comparing me to mass murderers?" Peter said with a wet laugh, eyes welling up again. 

"Maybe because that's who you are in an AU," Stacy said softly, thumbs caressing Peter's cheeks to get rid of the tears. "But you're never going to lose me. Say it after me. 'I will be one hundred years old and Stacy will still be bothering me about the way I dress.' Say it."

"I will be one hundred years old and Stacy will still be bothering me about the way I dress," Peter repeated, only his rendition didn't sound as neat. He didn't know why he was crying, he  _never_ cried, but for some reason, he broke midway through the sentence into a sob. Curling into himself, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes, crying out again. 

"Oh baby, oh no," Stacy said, voice sounding just as heavy. She wrapped her arms around a shaking Peter, letting the boy hide into the curve of her shoulder. "God, has this been eating you up so much? Why didn't we have a conversation about this years ago? Oh god, we're so stupid."

Peter tried to laugh it off, he really, really did. But there seemed to be something stuck in his throat, making his voice come out garbled and even more pathetic. He pulled Stacy closer till she was practically in his lap, crying, crying, crying. They were both crying and though Peter didn't know why she was crying, he knew his own tears were tears of relief.  _Happiness._ He didn't even know  _why_ he had been so fucking worried about Stacy walking away one day, he didn't know why he had ever thought his best friend was only with him out of obligation, why he had  _ever_ doubted their relationship when it was so apparent to him now that she really did love him back.

It took them a while, but soon enough the tears calmed down and Peter could breathe without every word out of his mouth turning into a cry. Stacy's hand had found its way in his hair where she was sitting straddling him. It felt so good to feel her fingers soothe him with patterns she had learnt through the years. 

"You always do that," she whispered, years, decades, _eons_ later, and her voice held a smile in it. 

"Do what?"

"Write 'Stacy' and 'Pete' on my skin with your finger," she replied.

Peter's froze and yes, that was indeed his finger under Stacy's shirt, pausing in the middle of tracing words into her skin. 

"I used to think it was your weird, shy way of letting me know you loved me."

"I  _do_ love you."

"I know but in like, the other way. Like, _love_ love me."

Peter pulled back to look Stacy in the eye, licking his lips in nervousness. "I do  _love_ love you."

Stacy frowned and pushed herself out of his reach. "Peter, stop," she said. "I _told_ you, it's fine if you want to be just friends. You don't have to just say it to, I don't know, please me or whatever."

Peter dragged himself forward on the bed till their knees were touching again. "I'm not saying this to make you happy. I'm saying this because I need to stop letting my shitty, fucked up self-esteem coming in the way of things I want. And I want you. I love you, I love Ziyi and I am trying really hard to love myself. Would you like to join me on this adventure of just, fucking loving everything?"

Stacy laughed, hands covering her mouth in shock. "I-I-Am I dreaming?"

"I promise you you're not," Peter said, grinning and holding Stacy's hands again. "Stacy, I think I've loved you since before I learnt fine motor skills and pooped in my Thomas the Tank Engine diapers," he continued, making Stacy giggled. "And I'd really like to do this properly - take you guys on cheesy as fuck dates and like, make out under the moonlight. Though I'm not too sure how making out works with three people but I guess we'll figure it out as we go. I'd actually like to get started with the making out right now but that's not very proper, is it?"

Stacy grinned, wide and excited, and leaned forward till their foreheads were pressed together. "Fuck 'proper," she said before kissing him.

* * *

**Sirius' Fanboying Club**

**srs:** WHO WANTS TO SEE MY HICKIES?????????

 **Jams:** ME!!!!!!!!!!

**srs: shared a photo.**

**Jams:** thats not too much

 **Jams:** i was expecting a necklace

 **srs:** listen boi, we've only reached dry humping and over the clothes handjobs

 **srs:** give me time to level up

 **Jams:** hoe how did you go from 'how do you decide who tops' to 'let me level up'

 **srs:** its just

 **srs:** easy being with him

 **srs:** and like, it flows so naturally, i dont have the time to worry so much about deets, yknow?

 **srs:** its so so so nice

 **Jams:** and thats how it should be

 **srs:** PETER WHERE ARE YOU???? 

 **srs:** FANGIRL ABOUT ME GETTING GOOD DICKING

 **srs:** PETER HYPE ME

 **srs:** **@pettigrew**!!!!!!

 **Jams:** hes not single any more, hes prolly out there making out with his girls

 **srs:** yo how does making out with three people work?

 **Jams:** boi you never seen porn?

 **srs:** PETE WOULD //NEVER//

 **Jams:** not sex, but its not that hard to make out when its three people

 **Jams:** we just took turns when i had a threesome

 **Jams:** if you do it all together, gets kinda messy tbh

 **srs:** james youre so fucking nasty

 **Jams:** OH SO I TEACH YOU GAY SEX WHEN IM NOT EVEN GAY BUT YOU FUCKING SLUT SHAME ME I SEE HOW IT IS

* * *

 _Why does kissing feel so good?_ Peter thought to himself, hands rubbing up and down Stacy's sides.

It was just so...pleasant. His cheeks felt abnormally warm in Stacy's palms, tingles running up and down his spine with every press of their lips together. 

"Uhm, Peter," Stacy interrupted, pushing away from him again. She looked completely ruffled, cheeks red and hair a mess. "We should stop."

Peter frowned. "Shit, did I do something wrong? I'm sorry if I-"

"No, you did the exact opposite," Stacy said in exasperation at the boy's cluelessness. 

Peter's frown only deepened as he tried to understand. "So...I did nothing wrong? What's the opposite of wrong? I did...correct?"

Stacy sighed. "You're really fucking good at kissing."

"Oh, yeah, I know," Peter said, beaming. He'd only had two girlfriends but they had both complimented him on his kissing skills. "Which is  _why,_ we should continue kissing. Till you get to my level."

Stacy snorted, pushing his face away with her hand. "You're still not getting it, are you?" she said and Peter went back to frowning. "You're turning me on, Pete."

"Oh, um," Peter froze, blushing for a completely different reason now. Ziyi had had a few incidents of...arousal too, but she had never been so blunt about it. "Um."

"Yeah," Stacy said, rolling her eyes as she tied her hair into a bun. "Fuck, it's so hot."

"Um."

"Stop freaking out," she said when she noticed how stiff he had become. 

"I could...pretend to be a pillow and you could like, hump me?"

Stacy's eyes widened in shock, mouth falling open. "Peter, what the fuck? What did I say about this just ten minutes ago? Stop doing things just to please others!"

"I know, I know!" Peter said immediately. "I just - freaked out and didn't know what else to say."

"You're fucking unbelievable."

There was an awkward silence as they both looked away from each other.

"Well, at least this way, you and Ziyi could fuck around with each other whenever I accidentally turned you guys on," Peter said suddenly. And then his words caught up to him. "Oh my god, is this why you guys suggested this? Because I wasn't - Because I couldn't sexually-"

"Peter, shut the fuck up," Stacy said, pinching his arm. "You're not a dildo; we're not with you for orgasms. We love you and we'd really appreciate if you wrapped your head around that as quickly as possible."

Peter chewed on his lip in guilt. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, sitting closer to him again and smiling at him. "But hey, would you be comfortable with Ziyi and I having a sexual relationship? Because we don't need that and we weren't expecting to have one anyway."

"I...I don't know," Peter answered honestly. "And this feels like a three person conversation, to be honest."

"You're right. Let's wait till we get together again."

Something about that sentence made Peter feel all warm and tingly inside again. "I can't believe we're really going to be together now. Holy fucking shit."

"Holy fucking shit is right."

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Mr. Evans:** why does kissing feel so good?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  **because lips are the most exposed erogenous parts of our body

 **teabagging:** ah that makes sense

 **teabagging:** idk why but i never thought of lips as erogenous body parts

 **Mr. Evans:** what thef uck?

 **Mr. Evans:** remus is that you? using srs' phone?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  lmao no, it me

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  but he did teach me that

 **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  Yes, I did :))))

 **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  WAIT WHAT

 **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  JAMES WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KISSING

 **Mr. Evans:** oh i met this girl at this party

 **Mr. Evans:** ngl she might be the one

 **Mr. Evans:** she did this hair pull thing that made me want ot drop to my knees and lick her feet

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  tell me im not the only one who hears a foot fetish in that sentence

 **teabagging:** i hate you all 

 **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  jjams youre noot suposed to date! fijksldjnfmc

 **Mr. Evans:** tf? why not?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  NO REASON NOTHING AT ALL

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  HES TRIPPIN CAUSE I GAVE HIM REALLY GOOD ORGASMS HAHAAHA

 **Mr. Evans:**....ok

* * *

**lily**

**Jams:** **shared a screenshot.**  

> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  WAIT WHAT
> 
> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  JAMES WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KISSING
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** oh i met this girl at this party
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** ngl she might be the one
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** she did this hair pull thing that made me want ot drop to my knees and lick her feet
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  tell me im not the only one who hears a foot fetish in that sentence
> 
> **teabagging:** i hate you all 
> 
> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  jjams youre noot suposed to date! fijksldjnfmc
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** tf? why not?
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  NO REASON NOTHING AT ALL
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  HES TRIPPIN CAUSE I GAVE HIM REALLY GOOD ORGASMS HAHAAHA
> 
> **Mr. Evans:**....ok

**Jams:** lmao theyre freakin tf out

 **lily:** boiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

 **Jams:**?

 **lily:** you def got a foot fetish

 **Jams:** STOP

* * *

**JILY WILL RISE!!**

**srs:** remus looks like hes going to bust a nerve

 **regulusb:** what did you do to the poor guy?

 **srs:** NOTHING!

 **stay-c:** i doubt

 **srs:** I DIDNT DO ANYTHING! ITS JAMES

**srs: shared a screenshot.**

> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  WAIT WHAT
> 
> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  JAMES WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU KISSING
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** oh i met this girl at this party
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** ngl she might be the one
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** she did this hair pull thing that made me want ot drop to my knees and lick her feet
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  tell me im not the only one who hears a foot fetish in that sentence
> 
> **teabagging:** i hate you all 
> 
> **✿ Moonpie ✿:**  jjams youre noot suposed to date! fijksldjnfmc
> 
> **Mr. Evans:** tf? why not?
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  NO REASON NOTHING AT ALL
> 
> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**  HES TRIPPIN CAUSE I GAVE HIM REALLY GOOD ORGASMS HAHAAHA
> 
> **Mr. Evans:**....ok

**regulusb:** EW SIRIUS WHAT THE HECK I DONT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE

 **regulusb:** OR JAMES' WHAT EHUFJ

**regulusb left the group.**

**srs:** oops

 **Fanboy #1:** why wont good things happen to me

 **gideon:** lmao ive never seen remus so involved in something

 **Fanboy #1:** THEYRE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER I NEED THEM TO SEE IT

 **Fanboy #1: @fabian_w** bring out the voodoo dolls

 **Fanboy #1:** were despearte

 **pettigrew:** wow remus has forgotten how to type this is getting pretty sirius

**fabian_w: shared a photo.**

****

**fabian_w:** on it

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I understand that this was supposed to be a primarily wolfstar fic but I am way more involved in Pete/Stacy/Ziyi now??
> 
> On another note, this story does not want to end. I was planning on just fifteen chapters but that ain't gonna happen. I STILL HAVE SO MUCH I WANT TO WRITE!!! And as I go, the chapters keep getting longer. Believe it or not, I had more narration to add in this chapter but I had to reign myself in.
>
>> tumblr: **[punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


	15. In Conversation With Regulus Black

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Mr. Evans:** thats ugly
> 
>  **teabagging:** so is yo mama

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Please be respectful to this story and read it on a computer ╥﹏╥ I-It's so f-fucking ugly on a phone ╥﹏╥**

**sirius**

**regulusb:** sirius?

 **sirius:** regulus?

 **regulusb:** why

 **sirius:** because i dont gte why you cant start conversations with a 'hi' like a normal person would

 **regulusb:** hi :) <3 :*

 **sirius:** i hate you

 **regulusb:** no you dont :) <3 :*

 **sirius:** what do you want punk

 **regulusb:** i just got an email..........................

 **sirius:** from?

 **regulusb:** this magazine

 **sirius:**?

 **regulusb:** you know the magazine called main course?

 **sirius:** no?

 **regulusb:** so its this music mag and its really really big yes?

 **sirius:** ok?

 **regulusb:** and they want me to be in their issue for the next month

 **regulusb:** im ean theyre only getting me as a filler because the person they wanted had to cancel last minute

 **regulusb:** but its still a big deal you know?

 **regulusb:** i dont know i want to be in it but i also dont?? 

 **regulusb:** but anyway i have to get permission from you because youre my guardian so just say no

 **sirius:** why the fuck would i do that????

 **sirius:** regs this is so fucking amazing!! why do you want to back out?

 **regulusb:** what if they say mean things about me

 **sirius:** regulus black, they did not reach out to you just to criticize you. they obviously see your talent and want to promote it. 

 **regulusb:** how can you know

 **sirius:** regulus stop being difficult!!

 **regulusb:** hyung i cant

 **sirius: shared a voicenote.**   

> _Sirius: This is your decision, Regulus, I will_ _never_ _force you do to something you don't want to. But take some time to think it over first. Don't be scared of being criticized because the world doesn't owe you its love. People have the right to have preferences, okay?_ _Stop thinking about the people who you think won't like you and start thinking about the one million people subscribed to your channel, who give you so much love-_
> 
> _Remus: -and think about all of us, who will always, always,_ always  _support you and love you and be your number one fans!_
> 
> _Sirius: Ha, that too. Take your time and think it over. But don't let your fear dictate your decisions. Life is way too short to be so worried, baby brother._

**regulusb:** you and remus are so married

 **sirius:** not yet ;)

 **regulusb:** l e a v e 

* * *

**[View Padfoot's Snapchat story.]**

* * *

"God damn," Remus said lowly, eyeing the mess of Lily's suitcases. "How the hell did you even manage to stuff all your belongings into one suitcase?"

Lily looked up from her phone for a second to grin at Remus. "I only had one suitcase so I threw all of my things away and put all the essentials in there. Genius, right?"

Remus rolled his eyes and flopped down onto her new bed. Somewhere inside the house, he could hear Sirius and James' deep voices talking to each other. James was not as much of a mess as Lily was and with Sirius' help, he'd probably be done packing in half an hour. 

"Most people just buy another suitcase, you know," he commented and she put her phone away to level a glare at him. 

"I think Sirius' rich ass is rubbing off on you," she said. "Right now, I can only afford tomatoes. And that too,  _roma_ tomatoes."

"Well, now you don't have any rent or utilities to pay for. Good deal, isn't it?"

" _Yesss,"_ Lily answered in a low moan. "Thank you for sharing your sugar daddy with me, Remus," she said with a sincerity that pulled a laugh out of Remus. 

"You could have a sugar daddy of your own," he replied, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. 

Lily threw a pillow at his face for that one. "When will you let that go?"

"Let what go?" Remus asked, feigning innocence.

"The whole please-date-James thing. It's annoying."

"I didn't even mention James, though," Remus said cheekily. "You brought him up all on your own. Been on your mind a lot lately?"

Lily scoffed. "Of course, he has. Since you put that stupid idea in my head." She got up from the armchair she had been resting on and moved to lie down next to her best friend. "Those are some nice hickies you got there, by the way."

"Aren't they?" Remus said excitedly, pulling down the neck of his shirt to show her the ones littered on his chest. "This week has been so good for us."

"Made up for the year of barely any dates?"

"We had exactly seven dates, with no hanky-panky involved," Remus said, pouting slightly. "This week, we went out for a movie, we went out for food every day, we did cheesy couples dances in the living room and we even went to a  _carnival._ I didn't even know we had those anymore. It was so cliche and beautiful."

Lily sighed wistfully, turning on her side to lay her head down on Remus' chest. "That sounds incredibly nice. I'm glad you're happy, Remus."

"And I want you to be happy too," Remus cooed, pulling and squeezing at Lily's cheeks.

"Oh my god,  _stop,"_ she whined, elbowing him and moving away. "Is this what the bisexual agenda is? Setting up your best friends with your dorky-ass buddies?"

"Maybe," Remus said, grinning.

Outside, he heard steps running towards them before Sirius' voice shouted, "Boyfriend! What do you want for dinner?"

"Are we ordering take out again?" Remus shouted back, ignoring Lily and her rolling eyes. Honesty, she was such an emo teenager sometimes, it was unbelievable.

"Yes," Sirius panted as he ran into the room, leaning against the door frame. 

Remus grinned at him, cheeks tinging red at how stupidly in love they were. "Get whatever you want, boyfriend."

"Okay, boyfriend. I'll get Middle-Eastern," he said, grinning toothily back. "Lily, you okay with spicy food?"

She wasn't. Remus knew from years of experience that Lily absolutely could not deal with spicy food.

"Yeah, I don't care," she said with a shrug and this time, it was Remus who rolled his eyes. 

"Always trying to be so tough," he said when Sirius left to go order their dinner.

"Don't have to try when I already am."

* * *

**lil-e created new group chat.**

**lil-e changed group name to "roomies!"**

**lil-e added Moony to "roomies!"**

**lil-e added srs to "roomies!"**

**lil-e added Jams to "roomies!"**

**lil-e:** as the second week of our housemateship starts, i think we should have a group chat about this

 **lil-e:** one where all of us are added so communication isn't as fucking chaotic as it has been this last week

 **srs:** good idea!!! it was really god damn gard to send individual messages all the time

 **srs:** hard*

 **Jams:** lets start this off with some memes

 **srs:** ah yes, for prosperity

 **Jams:** when you forget youre white for a second and decide to eat middle eastern food

**srs: shared a photo.**

**Moony:** DRAGGEDT

 **lil-e:** i hate every decision ive ever made that has lead to this moment right here

* * *

**SQUISHEST SQUISH**

**srs:** so?

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** why cant you start conversations with a hi like a normal person?

 **srs:** i am literally six years older than you, respect your flipping elders

 **srs:** and dont change the topic!!

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** whats the topic?

 **srs:** 아 진짜...

 **srs:** its been a week! have you decided yet?

 ** **SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** iefjkndvmdvsdvnfhskjdfhsofuesiofjsdjdsjk

 **srs:** sorry what language is that?

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** okay no i do know what i want to do

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** i want to be in it

 **srs:** you sure?

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** no

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** but i will regret it for the rest of my life if i say no

 **srs:** okay then you have my permission (∩｡･ｏ･｡)っ.ﾟ☆｡'`

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** how did you even get to 21 idgi

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** you need to write me an official letter, baka

 **srs:** okay honestly, i ought to disown you 

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** BUT YOU LOOOOOOVE ME~

 **srs:** -_- i regret birthing you

 **SQUISHEST SQUISH:** i will block you dont test me

* * *

jimjams  
London

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, gideon, regularblack** and  **17,043 others.**

 **jimjams** in full colour because you're ethereal **@lily__**

View all 7,072 comments.

 **britbloke.ben** shes so fucking beautiful wow but her ig is private :(((( cant thirst follow

 **Remus_Lupin** Wow James, you're so sweet with your completely platonic captions that cannot be misconstrued as anything else, WOW.

 **jizelle817** **@britbloke.ben** lmaooo i wanted to thirst follow too cause shes hot AFFFFF

* * *

**Headass**

**lil-e:**??????????????????????????

 **Headass:**?

**lil-e: shared a post.**

**lil-e:** explain yourself

 **Headass:** 1\. youre stunning and you KNOW ive always thought youre fucking beautiful so gorgeous that it makes me heart fall out of my ass

 **Headass:** 2\. im trying to fuck w/ them

 **Headass:** 3\. you look like an other worldly being here what the fuck you wnt me to do

 **lil-e:** okay but jsut 

 **lil-e:** dont do anything without talking it through with me first

 **lil-e:** and dont post my shit on your ig you have too many followers

 **Headass:** shit i didnt htink

 **Headass:** im really fucking sorry lily i didnt think 

 **Headass:** i deleted it 

 **Headass:** lily i honestly am so fucing sorry 

 **Headass:** okay

 **Headass:** I'll let you punch me in the face as hard as you want.

 **lil-e:** WHAT THE FUCK? 

 **Headass:** I DONT KKNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO

 **Headass:** IM SORRY

 **lil-e:** its okay just dont do it again and thats enough for me

 **Headass:** okay

 **Headass:** but im still sorry

 **lil-e:** :/

 **Headass:** :(

 **lil-e:** bring me coffee to class?

 **Headass:** :)

 **lil-e:** :)

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Mr. Evans:** **@pettigrew** move to london

 **teabagging:** yes that is not random at all

 **Mr. Evans:** its weird to be living with serious and remus without you :///

 **teabagging:** :-(

 **Mr. Evans:** thats ugly

 **teabagging:** so is yo mama

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** shut the fuck up you ratass

 **teabagging:** i hated myself as soon as i said it

 **teabagging:** sorry james :(((

 **Mr. Evans:** its okay. i do a lot of thoughtless things too and feel really awful later. human beings are stupid and we just gotta live with the fact that we'll always keep making stupid mistakes.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** what the hell did you do now

 **Mr. Evans:** nothing. its sorted now :) 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** :-/

 **Mr. Evans:** stop

* * *

**I N   C O N V E R S A T I O N   W I T H   R E G U L U S   B L A C K**

**W** e met Regulus Black at Hogwarts Academy, a globally renowned boarding school for the sons and daughters of the world's elite. So naturally, we were expecting a nasty attitude and grade-A snobbery. But Regulus turned out to be pleasant surprise. He greeted us with a blushing face and a deep bow, followed by an adorably stuttered explanation - "Sorry, I'm Japanese-Korean." 

 The Black family is known for their clout, and more recently, the terrible public separation of the Black family heirs from their parents on the grounds of neglect and abuse. While some sympathised with the brothers, other called it another cheap shot for publicity. No one expected the younger Black brother to soon become an internet sensation, known not for his money or his family name, but for his music production and uniquely soothing voice. 

**Ben: It's a bit awkward to bring it up, but I'm sure that the readers are very curious to know about your life after being separated from your parents. What has it been like to live under your brother?**

**Regulus:** Honestly, not that different. My parents were never around enough to make me feel their loss now. I have my brother and he is more than enough. We take good care of each other.

 **Jim:** **Ah, yes, the notorious Sirius Black-**

 **Regulus:** -Just Sirius. He doesn't like using our last name.

 **Jim:** **Oh, sorry. The notorious _Sirius._ He seems to have a fan following of his own, along with his friends. I honestly thought he was known for his good looks but people seem to love him more for his pranks. Never thought I'd find a Black who wasn't completely stiff.**

 **Regulus:** (smiling) We live to surprise.

 **Ben:** **Is that why you got into music?**

 **Regulus:** I got into music because I loveit. Ever since I was little, I loved singing and as I grew up and started learning how to play some instruments, I got really passionate about making my own music as well. There's something so soothing and... _satisfying_ to work hard at something and then watch all your hard work come together so perfectly.

 **Jim:** **So you make your own tracks as well? I thought you only do covers.**

 **Regulus:** My covers are the only thing I've posted on my YouTube channel but I do make my own tracks. I don't have enough confidence to post my original content online yet, but maybe I'll get to it one day.

**Ben: But isn't the song "four o' clock" your own song?**

**Regulus:** I wrote it and sang it, but it belongs to an artist in Korea - Kim Namjoon. I was just a featuring artist.

****

**Ben: Your story is very Justin Bieber-ish, isn't it? Boy makes YouTube covers and makes it big. Would you say you are aspiring to be the next Justin Bieber?**

**Regulus:**  Um, I don't think I could ever be Justin Bieber even if I tried, because for one, I'm Japanese-Korean and not  _nearly_ as cool. I am not trying to be anyone else. I just want to be me and I just want to be happy.

 **Ben:** **You're just sixteen but you have 1.1 million subscribers on YouTube and from what we've been told, several offers from different music companies. What are your plans for your future?**

 **Regulus:** Right now, I don't want to sign up with any companies or anything like that. My education is my priority. I'm content with my YouTube channel and working with all these different novice artists all over the world. I'm happy where I am today.

 **Jim:** **And what do you have to say to all the people who say that your success stems out of your family name?**

 **Regulus:** Well, it is probably true. I'm sure a lot of people initially viewed my content because they were curious about me, because of my family name. But I wouldn't say that they stayed for that. I don't know if I'm talented enough to deserve as much love and support as I've received in the past year but I do know that people wouldn't subscribe to me just because my last name is Black. That doesn't make any sense.

**Jim: But do you think you would've been this big had you been just an ordinary person?**

**Regulus:** I-I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. But whatever the causes were that led me to where I am today, I'm very thankful for them. 

**Ben: I'm glad you didn't inherit the famous Walburga Black attitude, but you do have the amazing good looks that your family is quite well known for-**

**Jim: Oh god, stop with your crush already!**

**Ben: It's not a crush, I'm just stating facts! Anyway, do you think you'd be interested in modelling?**

**Regulus:** Um, no? I think music is it for me. I'm not made for anything else.

So quite obviously, Regulus Black likes to lie because have you seen these pictures? Sure, Sirius ~~Black~~ is the one ladies drool for but have you seen that jaw line?  

* * *

James stamped his way over to Sirius' room, uncaring of how much noise he was making at three a.m. Not waiting to knock, he walked in and flipped the lights on, pulling a groan from both Remus and Sirius.

"What the hell?" Remus said in a hoarse voice before pulling a pillow on top of his head to block the light.

"James, fuck off," Sirius whined, dragging his useless, sleep limp body towards Remus and wrapping his arms around him again. "Go to sleep."

"Did you read the Regulus interview?" James demanded, ignoring their protests.

Sirius blinked open an eye to glare at him. "Of course, I did. Ben was obviously smitten, and I'd like that Jim asshat to catch me outside," he grumbled, trying to hide his face under Remus. "Regs did very well."

"And I thought so too, because he gained like, two hundred thousand followers in a single day after the interview was published," James said, sitting down on Sirius' knee and making him cry out in pain. "But he's gaining a lot of negative attention too."

"What?" Sirius nearly shouted, immediately awake and James shoved his phone into Sirius' hands. 

"His most recent videos are getting a lot of dislikes and so many hate comments," James said in concern, showing Sirius the numbers. "You should call him."

"Fuck," Sirius cursed, getting out of bed and out of the room. Remus was a heavy sleeper and he'd probably sleep through Sirius talking on the phone, but he wanted to be alone for a second. James, his perfect soulmate, walked back to his room, somehow knowing what Sirius needed. 

It was late enough in the night that Sirius would normally be worried about accidentally waking Regulus up with his phone call, but he knew his little brother enough to know that he would've been too worried to fall asleep.

"Regulus?" Sirius asked as soon as the ringing stopped. There was no answer but Sirius knew Regulus was there. "It's okay, love. Remember what I told you before you decided to go for the interview? It's okay for people to not love you. It's their choice."

Regulus sniffled a little on the other side of the call before a wet, angry voice said, "But why do they have to be so  _nasty_ about it? It's okay if they don't l-like me but why do they have to  _hate_ me? They don't even kno-know me."

 _"Exactly,"_ Sirius said. "They don't know you so you shouldn't let their judgements hurt you. They're just saying all this shit to be cool."

There was a pause and Sirius heard Regulus sniffle again.  _"Hyungie,_ can I come home for a few days?"

Sirius nodded immediately. "Of course! I'm sure McGoogoo will understand. I'll call her at seven in the morning, I know she'll be awake by then. Do you want me to send you a driver or do you want to bus it?"

"Driver, please," Regulus said meekly. "Sirius?"

"Yes?"

"Is my haircut really ugly?"

"What? No!"

"They-They called me a coconut headass."

"Well, you're the most beautiful coconut headass in the world and they can stuff it," Sirius said solemnly.

* * *

**Harry Styles - Sweet Creature (Cover by Regulus Black)**

#9 on Trending

  **Regulus Black**  
  

 

 

 **Zenab Ali** 4 hours ago

 the black brothers are the most entitled and privileged examples of nepotism we can get. they both have no talents at all, yet they still make more $$ than anyone with their skillset should. regulus' voice is okay at most but i bet he'll still get a contract with some giant music company just because hes a black and has a pretty face. i hate the world.

 

 **JJ** 20 minutes ago

 What is this shit? This is honestly disrespectful to Harry Styles. This guy fucking sucks!! Who told him he could sing?? Why does he have so many followers and likes?? Why are girls thirsting over his ass??? He looks like a rotten potato??

 

 **Pav The Great** 5 hours ago

 jesus fucking christ, let my boy live! yes, he comes from a privileged background, but that doesn't take away the fact that he has an absolutely amazing and such a unique voice? regs, baby, your cover was perfect as always. don't let the haters get to you. you're here for your talent and your fans will stay with you every step of the way!

 

  **Pyjama Chicken** 9 minutes ago

 listen, i came to shun him for being another kylie jenner but you gotta admit, dudes got a super smooth voice. my only problem is that stupid haircut. coconut headass lookin dude smh

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: Yes, let's start tying everything up now  
> Also me: *introduces more conflict*
> 
> So! I tried a couple new things and I think it looks pretty okay? AO3 won't even let me do basic coding so it's a little ugly but I'm satisfied :) 
> 
> **Translation:**  
>  \- hyung/hyungie = elder brother  
> \- 아 진짜... = Ah, seriously...  
> \- baka = idiot/fool
>
>> tumblr: **[punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


	16. Leah

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Wait, I have a meme for this. I'm trying to find it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Warning:** Mentioned parental neglect, school bullying and related physical violence. All of it is simply mentioned in passing and not described in detail.

"Regulus."

"Sirius."

"Regs."

"What."

"Come out."

"Sirius...I'm straight."

"Regulus,  _please_ come out of your room."

"No."

" _Aish_...what a brat."

"..."

"Regs, stop letting their words affect you! In fact, I think you should make another video and-"

"I'm never making another video for those horrible,  _horrible_ people."

"Not all of them are horrible, though. So many of the comments were so supportive! You should at least reply to them and spread positivity. You know what they say, if your going words are beautiful, coming words will be beautiful as well..." 

".... _what?"_

"Ah, that didn't translate to English very well, did it? What I mean is, if you're nice to others, they will be nice to you as well."

"..."

"Can you at least answer your poor  _hyung?"_

"Wait, I have a meme for this. I'm trying to find it."

* * *

**SQUISHEST SQUISH**

**SQUISHEST SQUISH: shared a photo.**

**srs:** -_-

* * *

**Potter**

**lil-e:** yo where u at

 **Potter:** im literally downstairs

 **lil-e:** wait im coming

 **lil-e:** im bored and in need of company

 **Potter:** but im leaving

 **lil-e:** :(

 **Potter:** never said you couldn't come with me

 **lil-e:**  ill be right down in two minutes:)

 **Potter:** WEAR OUTSIDE CLOTHES

 **lil-e:** WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN

 **Potter:** I AINT TAKING YOU ANYWHERE IF YOURE IN YOUR UNDERWEAR

 **lil-e:** -_- 

 **lil-e:** make that ten minutes

* * *

"So where are we going?" Lily asked as she stomped her way downstairs in sweats and a university tee, hair tied up in the most thoughtless bun.

"Is that  _semen_ on your pants?" James said in disgust, eyeing the dried up looking stain on her sweatpants. 

Lily glanced down in confusion before turning to James with a deadpan expression. "Does your dick come in puddles, Potter? This is obviously dried milk."

"Do you own any clean clothes?" 

"Of course I do," Lily whined, following James as he walked to the garage. "But I wear the clothes closest to me. It's way too much effort to get clothes from my cupboard. And you still haven't answered my question."

"We're going to Honeydukes."

"But we don't have Honeydukes in London," Lily pointed out. 

"Yeah, we're going to the one in Hogsmeade," James answered, reversing out of the house. 

"That's crazy! Hogsmeade is four hours away from here!"

"Yeah, but Regs really loves the candies at Honeydukes," James said in explanation. When he didn't get a reply, he turned to look at Lily, who was staring at him with a weird look in her eyes. "What? Why are you staring at me like that? Also,  _seatbelt,_ please."

"Oh, shit, sorry," Lily muttered as she reached for the seatbelt. "I'm not used to travelling in cars."

"So why were you staring at me just now?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "You just have a habit of taking me by surprise all the time."

James found himself guffawing at that. "You're surprised I care about Regulus?"

"No. I'd be surprised if you  _didn't_ care about him because that kid is adorable," Lily said immediately. "I'm just...surprised by how  _much_ you care about him."

"Of course I do," James replied. "I've known Sirius and Regulus since I was like...eight. They are not even 'like' my brothers, they  _are_ my blood brothers, you know?"

Lily continued watching James carefully, letting the silence between them stretch. It wasn't exactly... _weird_ to see James being serious, but it was still different from his usual self. It was a nice to see this side of the boy too.

"I don't know actually," she finally said, sitting cross-legged in her seat. They were still stuck in London, the traffic as horrible as ever. "I don't know what it's like to give or receive that kind of love from your siblings. My sister and I aren't..."

"Yeah," James said, knowing what Lily wanted to say. "Everyone's aware of your complicated relationship."

Lily groaned, rubbing her hands down her face. "God, we cause a lot of public drama, don't we?"

"She  _did_ pay people to play the world's most mean voice note in the Great Hall for breakfast," he replied hesitantly, not sure if bringing up the Sixth Year Incident was a good idea. 

It had been just another day at school for the students at Hogwarts, students spilling into the Great Hall sluggishly, uniforms awry and faces still sleep swollen, when a loud beep had startled the staff and students alike. And then, Petunia Evans had started talking through the speakers in the hall, calling Lily truly horrible names and revealing extremely private details about her to everyone. Thankfully, the message didn't get to play out entirely as McGonagall had quickly rushed to turn the surround-system off. But the damage had been done, leaving a red-faced Lily staring at her feet through dry eyes.

But Lily just snorted at the memory, staring out of the car window. "She is so god damn evil."

"Why...Nevermind."

Lily turned to face him again, eyebrows furrowed and nostrils flared. "No, say it."

"It's nothing. None of my business."

"Then you shouldn't have fucking started the sentence. Just say it."

"I just-Why do you guys do that? Why do you both hate each other so much?" James asked, eyeing Lily from the corner of his eye. 

"Oh," Lily sighed, falling back against her seat. "That's-That's not what I was expecting you to say." She returned to peering out of the car window listlessly as she answered, "Well, we're not from a rich family, you know? We're actually dirt poor. So schools like Hogwarts were never really a realistic goal for our kind. B-But I got in because I was really good at school and Petunia...just wasn't. We weren't so hateful towards each other back then but as the years went on, her bitterness grew worse and worse. I don't blame her. I got to leave and eat lavish meals at no cost when she was stuck eating Maccy D's every day because we couldn't afford real groceries. My parents weren't the most easy to deal with either." She let out a scoff as she picked at her nails. "Which is a nice way to say that they were very manipulative and abusive."

"Are they..."

"Dead?"

James clenched his jaw but nodded.

"Nope. But Petunia moved out after school, married rich and I...never went home. After Hogwarts, I stayed with Remma for a while and then went to uni on scholarship. I honestly would have ended up homeless if it wasn't for Remma and Professor McGonagall. They helped me so much."

James smiled. "I'm glad you've got them," he said earnestly and Lily smiled back at him. "It's so weird to hear 'Remma' again. I haven't heard that since school."

"There's a funny story behind that too, actually," Lily chuckled, glad to move on from the depressing topic of her family life. "You guys always called him Moony and a few people called him Remmy or whatnot. Since I'm a  _very_ jealous lover, I got really angry about the fact that I didn't have a personalised nickname for my best friend. So I came up with Remma," she finished with a proud grin. "Isn't it a cute name?"

"It is," James replied, giving her a grin of his own. 

"So," Lily said, sitting straighter as she maneuvered herself to face James completely. "What's your tragic backstory?"

James burst out laughing at that, pushing his glasses back up the bridge of his nose as he shook his head at her. "I don't have one," he replied fondly. "Grew up rich, have amazing loving friends and family and I'm still rich."

Lily just poked him in the ribs. "There has to be a tragic backstory,  _everyone_ has a tragic backstory," she insisted. "Just because you're rich can't mean you've never had problems. C'mon. Tell Mama Evans," she continued, opening up her arms dramatically to James.

James scowled, slapping away her hand absentmindedly as he struggled to keep his eyes on the road and off Lily's hilarious expressions. "You can't unlock my tragic backstory until we get to at least Level 20 friendship and you're nowhere near that," he replied with a smug grin in her direction. 

Lily stared slack-jawed before punching James in the arm. "I just laid my entire life at your feet, James Potter," she complained loudly, gesticulating wildly. "I bared my  _soul_ to you, ripped my skin clean off my bones to show you everything, and this is how you treat me?"

"You should spend less time with Sirius, you're starting to sound exactly like him."

"How dare you besmirch my trust and faith in you, James Potter?"

* * *

  **You have (3) new messages from Unknown Number.**

* * *

**Unknown Number**

**Unknown Number:** Hey Regulus. It's Leah from Ravenclaw. 

 **Unknown Number:** I'm not sure if it's okay for me to contact you and I'm not sure if you remember who I am, but I just wanted to let you know that I am on your side. What those guys from Gryffindor said and did was incredibly disgusting. No one deserves to be treated the way everyone has been treating you these past few months.

 **Unknown Number:** Once again, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to be messaging you since we're not really friends but I had to let you know that you weren't alone. If you ever need someone, you can talk to me. And if you choose not to reply, that's fine too. I'm sure this is pretty weird for you :) Have a great day!

 **regulusb:** Hi. Of course I remember you, we've had a billion classes together.

 **regulusb:** Thank you for your message. It was really great to hear that I wasn't alone, but you honestly don't have to worry about it. Kids do stupid things all the time and I'm resilient :) 

**Contact name saved to "Leah."**

**Leah:** Oh hey :) I didn't expect you to reply. 

 **Leah:** I'm glad I could help you :)

 **Leah:** And don't downplay what you've been going through, please. What they've been doing to you is bullying, Regulus.

 **Leah:** I can't even imagine how that must be effecting you mentally when I can't even get rid of the sight of your bruises from my mind. You could get them thrown out of school for hurting you and I would support you 100%. 

 **regulusb:** And then? Get isolated by everyone? You know how snitches get treated.

 **regulusb:** I don't want to talk about this. Sorry.

 **Leah:** No, I'm sorry if I'm being too pushy. 

 **Leah:** We can talk about something else if you want?

 **regulusb:** I wouldn't mind that :)

* * *

 ziiiiiyiiiii  
 Newquay

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, srs, g.stacy** and  **87 others.**

 **ziiiiiyiiiii** both my puppies (๑♡⌓♡๑)

View all 10 comments.

 **jimjams** and both are extremely cute!!

 **peterp** youre an embarrassing mom  **@jimjams**

 **g.stacy** LOOK AT MY BABIES BEING BEAUTIFUL AND SHIT <3

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** guys i thikn my phone is sentient

 **teabagging:** what in the name of randomass messages

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** BU T LLISTEN

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** i was looking for new headphones yesterday and now all i keep seeing on every website are headphone ads!

 **teabagging:** its called adware buddy, pls join us in 2017

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** OkAY bUt then i was listening to music and i thought ugh i want to hear this song once again its so good 

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** but i was too lazy to actually put it back on and GUESS WHAT????????

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** my phone automatically started playing thes ong again and again???????????????

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** and then i was thinking naughty thoughts right???

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** and i was on tumblr and THIS SHOWED UP

******(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.** ** **

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** I WAS THINKNG EXACTLY THIS AND MAKING THIS EXACT SAME FACE IN MY MIND

 **teabagging:** jesus fucking christ

 **teabagging:** do you ever think of anything other than fucking

 ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** dont ask me stupid questions

 **teabagging:** **shared a photo.**

**teabagging:** me @ you

 **teabagging:** where is everyone esle?

**teabagging: @Moony @Jams**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** PETER NO DONT DISTURB THE MOONY

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** : **Too late :-?

 **teabagging:** what did i interrupt

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** me trying to figure out how studying works again

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****  ive honestly forgotten how to study 

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:****  i cant concentrate for more than five minutes and i jsut keep fucking upijfckdsn

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** moony, you want me to come cuddle for a few?

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** no

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** sorry

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** i just

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** don t want to get distracted

 **teabagging:** dont stress out too much moon moon

 **teabagging:** youre a genius. the first few weeks of uni are always hard but it isn't too bad

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** yeah

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** im gonnag o back

 ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿** **:**** bye

* * *

**sirius**

**pettigrew:** he doesnt sound good at all

 **sirius:** he isnt

 **sirius:** i think hes getting into a depressive episode

 **sirius:** the last few days have been just a downward spiral

 **pettigrew:** hasnt he been taking his meds?

 **sirius:** they dont really help with depression pete

 **sirius:** just keep the mania in check

 **pettigrew:** right sorry

 **sirius:** no sorry needed

 **pettigrew:** is he talking to a therapist?

 **sirius:** he said therapy didnt help him much so he quit

 **pettigrew:** is there any way i can help?

 **sirius:** i dont think you can mate

 **pettigrew:** i hate feeling so helpless

 **pettigrew:** i hate that i cant make him feel better

 **sirius:** so do i

 **sirius:** but he probably feels worse than both of us

 **sirius:** hes had to live with this helplessness all his life

 **pettigrew:** somedays i really hate god

 **sirius:** me too

* * *

"I know, I know," James chuckled, running a hand through his hair. "I'm not delusional, I  _know_ romance movies aren't very realistic. But is it really so bad for me to believe in them a little? To hope to get something like that in life?"

"So...what? You want a cheesy-ass love story, complete with an airport scene and public declarations of love?" Lily snickered, snacking on crisps James had bought for them on the way back home.

They had decided to take a rest stop in the parking lot of the store they had bought all their junk food from on the way back home. The backseat was overflowing with bags of Honeydukes candies, while the front seats were a mess of limbs and empty packets of Walkers.

James scrunched his nose a little as he returned Lily's gaze. "Does that make me sound really dumb?"

Lily just laughed, sharing her crisps with the other boy. "Not dumb, just...You're quite different from what I imagined you to be," she said, smiling. "I get why Remus was so fucking adamant on us hanging out. You're pretty cool."

"You're pretty cool as well," James commented, booping her on the nose and making her go momentarily cross-eyed. James laughed at the adorable act and stretched. "So what's your idea of the perfect romance?"

Lily shrugged nonchalantly, sitting with her back against her car door. "I don't know, to be honest," she answered. "I don't really  _get_ romance. I get  _sex._ Sex makes a whole lot of sense to me but romance is just...not something I've ever looked for."

James raised an eyebrow in question at that. "Are you saying you've never had a romantic relationship?"

"No, of course I have," she replied, waving her hand. "But all my relationships end because the other person doesn't think I'm involved enough, whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean."

"Hmm," James said in a thoughtful tone, rubbing his chin theatrically. "Do you think it's because of your childhood trauma that you aren't as 'involved' in your relationships?"

Lily snorted, pinching James' leg a little as she leant forward and said, "You need to be a Level 20 friend to unlock that answer."

James giggled at the answer. 

It had been a good idea to bring the green-eyed girl along with him on his impromptu journey. She was amazing company - filling up dreaded silences with chatter or music, and never judging James for anything he said. 

"You know what?" Lily said suddenly, eyes gleaming and James was immediately cautious. "We should date."

_"What?"_

"Fake date me, James Potter," Lily said, grinning and James finally breathed out. "We've really been slacking on the playing around with the Jily shippers thing."

"I completely forgot about that," James said honestly, taking a sip of his Sprite. 

"So? What do you say?"

"Are you sure you'll be able to fake date me without falling completely head over heels in love with me?" James asked with a teasing smirk, only to make Lily roll her eyes. 

"It will be a hardship but I'm sure I'll  _somehow_ manage to not fall in love with your amazing self," she replied, laying on the sarcasm as thickly as possible.

"Let's do it then!" James said excitedly, bringing up his can of soda to bump against Lily's packet of crisps.

* * *

**roomies!**

**lil-e:** james and i have an announcement to make

 **Jams:** **shared a photo.**

****

**srs:** is thAT SUPPOESD TO SYMBOLISE WHAT I THINK IT IS SUPPOSED TO SYMBOILISE?????

 **lil-e:** if you're thinking that we're dating then yes

**srs added pettigrew to "roomies!"**

**srs:**!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **pettigrew:** what THE fuck!

**pettigrew: shared a photo.**

**srs:** wtf i thought me and moony were your otp????

 **pettigrew:** wolfstar is the Ultimate OTP. Jily is the...other otp...

 **Jams:** wow thanks mate

 **Moony:** finaly!

 **Moony:** good on you guys :)

 **lil-e:** rema? u good?

 **Moony:** Of course! I'm very happy for you guys!!!

 **Jams:**.......thanks?

* * *

Lily frowned at James and James frowned right back at Lily.

"Are they...Are they onto us?" she asked, hesitant. 

"I think so," James replied, staring at his phone. "Remus was supposed to lose his shit."

Lily continued frowning in confusion before giving a decisive nod. "We just have to push it up a notch."

* * *

**Leah**

**regulusb:** i cant believe we just talked for four hours

 **Leah:** me neither!!!!!!!

 **Leah:** but its so easy to talk to you that i didnt even realise how quickly the time went by

 **regulusb:** oh hahah

 **regulusb:** you too

 **regulusb:** it was really nice talking to someone not my family

 **Leah:** what about your other friends?

 **regulusb:** i dont really have any

 **regulusb:** i have acquaintances in school who i never really got too close to 

 **regulusb:** but my other friends are in korea

 **Leah:** the ones you make music with sometimes?

 **regulusb:** yes

 **regulusb:** i didnt know you listened to my music

 **Leah:** i do and i love it :)

 **Leah:** i actually feel so close to you because i feel like i already know you? 

 **Leah:** like, you put so much of yourself into your music that i feel like weve been friends all along

 **Leah:** is that a weird thing to say?

 **regulusb:** no

 **regulusb:** but thank you

 **regulusb:** thats actually exactly what i needed to hear

 **Leah:** im glad i could be of help :)

 **Leah:** regulus?

 **regulusb:** yeah?

 **Leah:** could we

 **Leah:** also be friends at school?

 **regulusb:** of course silly!

 **Leah:** oh thank god

 **Leah:** wouldve been hella awkward if youd said no

 **regulusb:** and why the hell would i ever do that

* * *

"Moony?" Sirius whispered into the dark living room, unsure if his boyfriend was asleep on the dining table again or not. 

The last few days had been hard for everyone. Regulus had taken to silently brooding in his room, refusing to talk to any of them about what he was feeling, causing everyone to feel a little off kilter. Sirius didn't think Regulus realised how important he was to all of them and how much his problems affected them all. James had started sitting outside Regulus' room and looking sadly at the door, Lily joining him more often than not. Sirius himself was constantly restless, not knowing how to make the world quiet down enough to calm Regulus' insecurities. 

On top of that, Remus had started growing more and more quiet over the past week, eyes constantly drooping and posture lax. Having lived with Remus for years in boarding school, he knew that Remus started growing extremely lethargic and silent whenever he started falling into a depressive slump, and he hated that all he could do was stand on the sidelines and watch. Over the last couple days, Remus had started sleeping more and more, Regulus' sadness making his own worse. He had taken a couple days off from both work and university, finding himself too tired to do anything.

"Yes?" Remus' voice said from somewhere in the darkness.

"Are you ready to go to bed, love?" Sirius asked gently as he followed the sound of his boyfriend's shuffling.

"Yes."

"Do you want me to piggyback you?"

"No. I'll walk."

"Do you want me to take the books or leave them here?"

"Please stop asking me questions."

It stung a lot to be subjected to the bitterness in Remus' tone but he shrugged it off, placing a hand on Remus' lower back as he led him to their room.

He knew the next week or so was going to be hell, but they would get through this - him and his little family.

* * *

lily__  
Coventry

 

 

Liked by  **peterp, gideon, srs** and  **190 others.**

 **lily__** dinner date with  **@jimjams** ♡

View all 32 comments.

 **gideon** WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DATING WHAT THE FUCK

 **g.stacy** YO WHAT THE FUCK WHY WASNT I INFORMED WHAT HTEFKJENFCm

 **lily__** ;)  **@gideon @g.stacy**

* * *

**James Hyung**

**regulusb:** did you leave the FIVE FULL BAGS of honeydukes outside my door?

 **James Hyung:** maybe :)

 **regulusb:** im sorry for worryiing you so much 

 **James Hyung:** its okay boo, you get to be sad 

 **regulusb:** im better now tho

 **James Hyung:** BECAUSE OF THE CANDY?

 **regulusb:** AND ALL THE LOOOOOVE~

 **James Hyung:** HERE HAVE SOME MORE (๑♡3♡๑) ♡(ŐωŐ人) (●♡∀♡) (∩｀-´)⊃━✿✿✿✿✿✿

 **regulusb:** (⺣◡⺣)♡

* * *

**I'll Find Myself - Regulus Black (Original)**

#2 on Trending

  **Regulus Black**  
  

 

 

 **Regulus Black** 10 hours ago

 I wrote this song around the same time as the "public" Black family separation drama but never had the confidence to upload it. Today, I not only feel confident in myself but also my abilities. Yes, I've had the advantage of coming from a privileged background, but that doesn't mean that I'm not talented. I make good fucking music and if you don't think so, no one is forcing you to be here. Scram.

 

  **Pyjama Chicken** 9 minutes ago

 OKAY WHAT THE FUCK THAT SONG WAS SO GOOD???? AND BOI WENT FROM ADORABLE UNICORN TO ILL FUCK YOU AGAINST THE WALL IN TWO SECONDS STRAIGHT?? ALSO PUT THE EYEBROWS BACK I CANT DEAL WITH THEM GO BACK TO BEING A COCONUT HEADASS MY OVARIES CANT

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long absence!  
> \- The actual idiom in Korean that Sirius butchered is "가는 말이 고와야오는 말이 곱다," which literally translates to "if your going words are good, the coming words will be good too" but basically means one ill word asks another or smth. I googled this, lemme know if I'm wrong.  
> \- You can't really see her but Kyulkyung as Ziyi in the tiny Instagram profile picture.  
> \- Regulus is just starting to bite back. Wait for what I have planned. (Also, Regulus saving James' name as James Hyung is adorable. Fight me.)
> 
> Things I forgot to put in the end notes on previous chapters:  
> 1\. The 'most pansexual movie' ever that wolfstar watched was The Beauty Inside.  
> 2\. Did you notice my cameo in the last chapter?????  
> 3\. I've hidden two Yuri On Ice characters in the chapters so far. Please tell me someone noticed at least ONE.
> 
> On an unrelated note, please listen to [Fifth Harmony's He Like That](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCmJC8y3Epk) and also watch the video because I am Obsessed. Lauren can smother me with her thighs, I will happily let her.


	17. Your call was declined. Try again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **_Your call was declined._ Try again? **
> 
> **regulusb:** sent a voicenote.  
>  _I-Are-Just-_  
>  **regulusb:** please 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warnings:** Allusions to suicidal thoughts (very, very mild and indirect), panic attacks, 1 (one) use of homophobic slur, one (1) use of racist slur, allusions to attempted suicide and much angst.
> 
> Shit hits the fan all over.

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE**

**Jams:** so i got some hot remus for you

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** WAIT LETMME PREPARE MYSELF

 ** **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:**** which meme do you think i'll need?

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: shared a photo.**

****

******THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: shared a photo.** ** **

******** ** **

********THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:******** ??????

 **Jams:** the second one

 **Jams:** definitely the second one

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** FUCKFKJ

 **Jams:** ready?

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: shared a photo.**

****

**Jams:** SHIT SON I HAVENT EVEN SENT YOU ANYTHING YET??????

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** SORRY I GOT A BIT OVEREXITED

 **Jams:** want me to look up premature ejaculation? its nothing to be embarrassed about, so many people struggle with it

 **Jams:** cant have you nutting too early when you actually do the do with ur mans

 **THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** shuT YouR hElL adn sendi t to me already aI AM DYIGNNNNN

 **Jams:** lmao i can tell

**Jams: shared a gif.**

****

******THE LOVE OF MY LIFE: shared a photo.** ** **

******** ** **

**THE LOVE OF MY LIFE:** THE FACT THAT HE NEEVR WEARS ANYTHIGN UNDER HIS SWEATSHIRTS IS BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE TO MY POOR EXISTENCE

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**teabagging:** guys you wont believe how whipped i am like hoooooly shit

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** What did you do?

 **teabagging:** okay but before i show you anything

 **teabagging:** i want to clarify that this happened accidentally

 **Mr. Evans:** sure baby

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** anythign you say

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans:** so.....................................all of htat.......happened on accident

 **teabagging:**...yes

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** you like, tripped and the wine glasses just fell out of your pockets and onto the table

 **teabagging:**......yes

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** YOU EVEN HAVE A MENU WHAT THE FUCK

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** **@srs** when will you ever treat me like this

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** IS THIS WHAT YOU WANT BABY??????

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):********  LETS GO RIGHT NOW

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** IMMA GIVE YOU THE STARS WATCH ME

 **Mr. Evans:** SERIOUS DONT BUY MOONY A STAR YOU HAVE BABY BROTHER TO TAKE CARE OF YOU UNEMPLOYED TURD

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** ...okay so not the stars BUT I BET I CAN STILL DO SOMETHING MORE ROMANTIC THAN THIS

 **teabagging:** why you gotta make everything a competition though

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** when its about my mans heart, i cant afford to be friendly mate soz

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** JKHFNCM<E I WAS JUST KIDDING SIRIUS

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** I don't need grand gestures to know you love me!

 ** ** **✿** **Moonpie** **✿**** :** You do so, so, SO much for me already, I don't want anything more.

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** false, i can do much more and i WILL do much more

 ** ** ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** meet me outside in an hour, i'm taking you out on a much needed date ♡

* * *

**☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼**

**Moony:** "much needed date"

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:**???

 **Moony:** I'm sorry for how I was this past week and if it made you feel like...this.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼**??????????

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼** like what? what are you talking about?

 **Moony:** I can't tell if you're pretending not to know for my sake or if you're actually clueless

 **Moony:** I'm sorry for all the snappy things I said and did last week and I'm sorry you had to deal with me while I was being moody and sad and shit. I'm sorry if it made you feel like I didn't want you anymore and that a date was "much needed." I'm sorry because I can't help all of that and that I can't even promise you that it won't happen again because it probably will happen again and again and again. So I'm sorry. Truly.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼** Remus, if we're gonna be dating each other, I think you should get over your need to apologize for your fucking medically diagnosed mental disorder and realize that I understand and don't need apologies???

 **Moony:** if

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:**?????????

 **Moony:** You said "if" we continue dating each other.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Stop quoting me out of context and overthinking it. It's literally not that deep.

 **Moony:** I'm sorry, I'm just making you mad now.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Moons, I'm not mad at all.

 **Moony:** You're capitalizing your words and made no typos.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Because I'm trying to have a serious conversation with my boyfriend whom I love very much and intend on loving very much for the rest of my life.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** And I honestly don't think this is working over text. I don't want us to have a miscommunication just because we're both perceiving the same words differently. 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Can we just do this when we go out?

 **Moony:** Actually, I just remembered this assignment I have to hand in by midnight so I think we should skip for tonight.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** We literally have our calendars synced and I  _know_ you have nothing to do tonight. If you're gonna make an excuse, at least put some effort into it.

 **Moony:** Fine then. I don't want to go because we're both clearly upset and I don't think a conversation right now is going to help anyone.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** For fucks sake I'm not upset or mad or whatever the fuck you think I am right now so just stop projecting your own emotions onto me okay?

 **Moony:** okay

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

**Moony:** goodnight

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

**Moony:** Sirius?

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

**Moony:** Yes, clearly you're not upset at all.

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

* * *

**mis amores (⺣◡⺣)♡***

**john STAYmos:** hey

 **john STAYmos:** who wants to see an adorable bb ziyi completely forgetting about her boyfriend and girlfriend because she was given food?

 **Petiepie:** ME THIS BOY RIGHT HERE I WANNA SEE

 **Ziyi boo:** NOOOOO ITS EMBARRASSING (／≧ω＼)

 **Petiepie:** WRONG!

 **Petiepie:** your love for food is adorable and makes me want to squish your lil cheeks and kiss you all over

 **john STAYmos:** **shared a gif.**

****

**john STAYmos:** ASHKJDNMC

 **Petiepie:** I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AJSKHDKNC

 **john STAYmos:** ngl ive been watching this on loop for an hour

 **Ziyi boo:** you guys are so weird kjdfnvd

 **Ziyi boo:** im sorry if i ignored either of you :( but in my defense, the food was so good that all of this is clearly peters fault :(

 **Petiepie:** youre okay baby <3

 **john STAYmos:** my kink is peter being so soft for ziyi rt if you agree

 **Ziyi boo:** RETWEETED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Petiepie:** good for you, soft is all i //can// be

 **Ziyi boo:**............was that......a dick joke

 **Petiepie:** if u have to ask, then it clearly wasnt a very good joke

 **Ziyi boo:** IM JUST SHOOKETH? YOU NORMALLY DONT SAY OR DO ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY SEXUAL????

 **john STAYmos:** hes just shy with you tho

 **john STAYmos:** he makes the dirtiest jokes ever all the time

 **Ziyi boo:** why are you shy with me then?

 **Petiepie:** im not shyyyy??? not exactly????

 **Petiepie:** i just dont want you to think im not ace??? like? 

 **Ziyi boo:** love, you making dirty jokes isn't going to stop your repulsion to sex so like

 **Ziyi boo:** i get it. you don't have to try and censor yourself for my sake. 

 **Petiepie:** okay whew i didnt even know i was worried about that till you told me not to be lmao

 **john STAYmos:** RT IF YOU HAVE THE BEST LOVERS IN THE WORLD

 **Petiepie:** RETWEETED!!!!!!!!!!!!

 **Ziyi boo:** RETWEETED!!!!!!!!!

 **Ziyi boo:** on another note

 **Ziyi boo:** when are you gonna change your name stacy?

 **Petiepie:** honeSTLY, i miss your cute nickname :((((

 **john STAYmos:** ARE YOU ASKING ME TO BETRAY MY DADDYS GOOD NAME

 **Ziyi boo:** SDHKSJFNM STOP CALLING HIM YOUR DADDY YOU NASTY

 **Petiepie:** john stamos is her dads age tho so makes sense

**stay-c changed username to "Stacy bear."**

**Stacy bear:** y u gotta ruin it for me like that pete

* * *

"Man, pretending to be in love is really god damn hard," Lily groaned as she threw herself onto the diner seat.

"Wow, I'm sorry if you hate my company so much that even going out for lunch with me if a chore for you," James said, rolling his eyes as he took another bite of his garden burger.

Lily righted herself in her seat and pouted at him. "I'm sorry, love, that's not how I meant it," she said, reaching across the table to pet him gently on the head. "I'm just running on 3 hours of sleep in the past 78 hours and would rather be dead in my bed."

"You're  _what?"_ James exclaimed, slack jawed.

Lily scrunched her nose as she delicately tipped James' mouth closed. "I don't want to see your nasty chewed up food," she muttered, grabbing the menu. 

James snatched the menu out of Lily's hands and pushed his plate of food towards her. "Eat this instead and then I'm taking you home and you're going to fucking  _sleep,"_ James scolded, frowning. "Why haven't you been sleeping? Do you know how bad it is for your health to not get enough sleep, mentally and physically both?"

Lily smiled fondly at James before taking a fry off his plate. "You're so hot when you get all bossy like that," she said, just to watch James get flustered but he only rolled his eyes.

"Sorry, woman, but I am exclusively a sub," he commented off handedly, making Lily choke. 

"Holy  _shit,_ why would you say that?"

"Why not?"

"B-Because!" Lily exclaimed, blushing furiously. She fanned her face aggressively. "I can't blush! I can't afford to have my face looking like my hair, that's ugly as fuck."

"False, you are physically incapable of looking ugly."

Lily's glare intensified at the comment, and so did her blush, but James only shrugged nonchalantly as he pushed another fry in her mouth. Another minute passed sluggishly by as a suddenly awake and blushing Lily glared at James while being spoon fed by him before she dared to speak again.

"So when you say 'sub,' you mean..." she prodded and James sighed.

"What do  _you_ think it means, Evans?"

Lily swallowed awkwardly as she flushed even more. "I-I don't know! Maybe it means y-you're a submarine or a fucking subway sandwich! How the hell am I meant to know?"

James gave her a flat look as he brought the burger up to her mouth again. "Submarine, really?" he said with an eye roll. "It means that I like to be submissive in bed. Doesn't always have to be that way, but sometimes I prefer sex where my partner is being dominant and in control. It just feels better, you know?"

Lily swallowed, heart suddenly racing. "So...you and your girlfriends...Do you always..."

"Not always, but sometimes on special occasions, yeah," James replied. "Or when I get in a subby mindset. Having that kind of sex takes a lot of fucking effort to be honest. Like you have to prepare a scenario, safewords, limits,  _everything._ So most days, it is just easier to have normal sex."

"B-But normal sex doesn't feel...as good?" Lily questioned. She felt as if her body was on fire and she didn't understand if what she was feeling was arousal or embarrassment. Her skin felt hyper-sensitive, even the air around her making her feel wired.

"Meh," James shrugged, unclear. "Depends on the days and the partner of the day, I guess."

"You've had many partners then?"

"Nah, I'm a romantic, remember? Tend to get to attached with my hookups so I stick to dating only," he replied with a lopsided smile. 

"I-I've never done it like that."

"No?" James encouraged.

"No," she said and  _fuck,_ did her voice always sound so high and breathy?

James licked his lip as he tilted his head in question. "And do you want to?"

"Don't know. Never thought about it."

"Are you thinking about it now?"

 _What the fuck is happening?_ Lily thought to herself, pressing her thighs together in agitation. What she was feeling was most definitely arousal, what with the way her core was throbbing in need. 

"I-I am."

"Dom or sub?"

"Huh?" Everything felt too much and too tight and too heavy and Lily couldn't remember if she'd ever felt like this before.

"Are you imagining yourself as the dom or the sub?"

"The dom."

"And who's your sub?"

"Is this a trick question?"

James giggled. Fucking _giggled._ "Maybe."

Lily swallowed again, chest heaving a little with how fast she was breathing. "You," she said simply. "I'm imagining you w-with me."

James grinned, something too sharp and too amused for Lily to completely digest. "That's flattering," he said, bringing another fry up to Lily's mouth, his thumb lingering to caress her bottom lip. "But I don't do hook ups and I don't do newbies."

Rejection filled Lily's chest in an instant, forcing her eyes away from James' and clenching her hands in her lap.

"But I don't mind teaching you more about BDSM, if that's what you want?" James asked, voice gentle and quiet. 

Lily nodded without hearing or thinking. She just wanted to get out of that awkward situation, just wanted her cheeks to stop blazing with shame, just wanted her chest to stop hurting.

"I'm sorry if I embarrassed you," James said earnestly and when Lily looked up, James looked genuinely sorry, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

"It's okay," Lily replied, forcing a shaky smile on her lips. "I'm just tired."

* * *

**Little Black Brother ;)**

**Leah:** hey regs, im waiting for you in the library by the entrance

 **Little Black Brother ;):** iM RUNIGN TO O YUO

 **Leah:** HAHASH DONT TRIP SILLY I DONT MIND WAITING

 **Little Black Brother ;):** TSTILL RUUNIN

* * *

Three days.

It had been three days since Sirius and Remus had had their petty little fight. 

Remus wasn't even sure if it could be called a fight but Sirius was still avoiding him and Remus was still going to sleep in an empty bed. It wasn't like Remus hadn't tried to mend their fences but Sirius always made sure to leave before Remus woke up and he still hadn't unblocked him off his phone.

"I didn't even know it was going to be such a long fight," Remus said wearily as Lily massaged his head. The last three days had been a constant headache and when Lily had found him gulping down paracetamol, she had dragged him to her room for a quick massage and a long heart to heart. "I wasn't even trying to fight!" He sighed again as Lily made a sympathetic sound. "I just wanted to apologize and get it done with. I know it's not easy to live with someone who has bipolar. I mean, look at what I've done to my mom."

Lily pulled her hand back to place a well-aimed smack on the top of his head, grinning when Remus let out a shriek in surprise. "Shut the fuck up."

 _"What?"_ he demanded.

"You didn't do shit to your ma," Lily said, pulling his head back onto her lap and continuing her massage. 

"She's literally balding because of all the stress I've put her through," Remus replied, deadpan. "We had to move from Wales to fucking _Lozells_ because of me.  _Lozells!_ Cabbies won't take you to my neighbourhood even if you paid them extra."

"Remus, for fuck's sake," Lily groaned. "You didn't choose to have bipolar disorder, dumb fuck. And you're her son, of course she's gonna go out of her way to get you the treatment you need! What if your kid has a physical or mental disorder? Are you just gonna throw 'em out?"

Remus wrinkled his nose in distaste at Lily's choice of words. She could be really brash sometimes. "The fuck? Of course not! They're my fucking kid."

"Exactly!" Lily exclaimed. "Your mom chose to spend all that money in taking care of you, she chose to move to Lozells so she could get a higher paying job, she chose to make all those decisions you blame yourself for. When are you going to get that through your thick head?"

Remus was quiet for a minute and Lily almost let herself believe that she was finally getting somewhere with boy.

But then he spoke up again. 

"Okay, but I'm her son. She's stuck with me," Remus said slowly, voice rough. "But...Sirius doesn't have to be stuck with me. Maybe this fight is a good thing. Maybe it would be better if we just parted ways now when it's gonna hurt less...I-I don't want us to reach a point where we can't even go back to being friends anymore. He means so much to me, Lils," he said and his voice finally broke at the last syllable. Hot tears trailed down his cheeks and he tried to hide his face in Lily's lap, heart clenching around nothing. "I don't...I don't know what I'd do with myself if I had to lose him completely. I love him s-so much."

"Shh, silly," Lily whispered, running her fingers gently through Remus' hair. "You're doing that thing where you overthink yourself into a panic. Sirius probably loves you way more than you love him and there's no way he's ever going to break up with you."

"I can't be so selfish," Remus said through harsh breaths. "I-I can't use his feelings to keep him stuck to me. I'm a fucking mess a-and he has a little brother to take care of, a company to run, an entire future in front of him. An-And me? I don't even know if I'm gonna make it to fucking thirty."

A sick feeling jerked at Lily's stomach and she wrapped herself completely around her shaking best friend, tears stinging her eyes as well. "Don't talk like that, Remma,  _fuck,"_ she whispered, trying so hard to be strong for the both of them. "I'm not gonna let you do anything dumb. We're both gonna get to a hundred and we'll still be friends and we'll fatten our grandkids up with lots of candies and shit."

Remus gasped, a wet, pained sound, as his nails dug into Lily's legs. "Fuck, I want that so  _bad,"_ he cried. "I want kids and grand kids and I want you and Sirius and James and Peter and  _everyone._ B-But it gets so...so  _awful_ sometimes! I don't even have a reason to be sad but it just feels like everything is too heavy and everything is too much and I just want it to stop, I want it all to stop, to fucking stop, stop, stop,  _stop,"_ he nearly shouted, curling up into himself as a familiar pressure built in his chest. 

"Remma, I love you, please," Lily said, not knowing what to do. Remus had had many panic attacks around her and they always left her just as drained as him. She never knew what to do, if she should say comforting things or if they'd only make things worse, if she was allowed to touch him or if they'd just make him spiral harder. "C-Can you tell me what you need? Should I-Fuck, what do you  _need?"_

She felt desperate and frantic. Remus' nails had drawn blood as they scraped against the skin of her bare thighs but she could barely feel it through her own hysteria. His entire body was shaking like a leaf in a storm, violent gasps wracking through his body. He looked like he couldn't breathe at all; he kept breathing lungfuls of air in but he wasn't exhaling. 

"Remma,  _breathe out,"_ she screamed and she wished someone,  _anyone,_  was home. "Fuck,  _breathe out,_ c'mon!"

"Can'-" Remus said, voice rough and eyes puffy with tears. "Stop-Stop-"

* * *

**roomies!**

**Jams:** yo im at tesco 

 **Jams:** i gots hella crisps and hella candies

 **Jams:** do we need anything else?

 **pettigrew:** you're out of milk so grab some

 **Jams:** shit u right fam

 **pettigrew:** and get some bread as well

 **Jams:** the fuck

 **Jams:** I JUST REMEMBERD YOU DONT EVEN LIVE WITH US HOW DO YOU KNOW THIS SHIT?????????

 **Jams:** WHY ARE YOU EVEN IN THIS CHAT??? WHAT THE FUCK??????????????

 **pettigrew:** ;)

 **pettigrew:** get winged pads for lils

 **pettigrew:** she should get her period next week and she ran out of pads last time

 **srs:** PETER HOLY SHIT HOW

 **pettigrew:** ;) im omnipresent

 **regulusb:** I am honestly so shocked right now????

* * *

**☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼**

**Moony:** i miss you....

 **Moony:** Oh, you unblocked me.

 **Moony:** I just 

 **Moony:** We should have that talk, don't you think?

 **Moony:** It's been a week now. 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** I don't want to break up.

 **Moony:** Sirius

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** I know that's what you're gonna say because I fucking know you.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** You are not a problem to me, your bipolar isn't a fucking problem to me. You're the best damn thing that has ever happened to me and you know it. 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** I've lived such a fucking unhappy life and now that I finally have you, I'll be damned if I let your self sacrificing personality get between us.

 **Moony:** if i mena so much to yu why didnt you talk to me this entire god damn week?

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Because I'm an asshole. And that's my flaw.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** I just felt so awful about the way I reacted, I didn't know what to say or how to face you anymore.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** I was so pissed because you never listent o me

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** You were depressed and you wouldn't eat and you wouldn't sleep and you were basically a fucking zombie the entire last month and I was so fucking worried

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** and then you started being okay again and i was so fucking excited but then you made an issue out of nothing again and YES I FUCKING ADMIT IT THAT ENTIRE MONTH WAS REALLY GOD DAMN HARD FO RME AS WELL

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** BECAUSE YS ITS HAR D TO SEE YOUR FAVOURITE PERSON ON EARTH GO THROUGH SUCH A HARD TIME AND NOT KNOW WHAT TEH FUCK YOU CAN DO TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER BECAUSE THERE SN O FUCKING WAY YOU CAN MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** i hate seeing you like that and theres nothing i can do about it

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** i hate 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** the way you were that entire fucking motnh i jsu

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** i get it 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** i gett hat you cant control it and its not really you but it reall y felt like i didnt mean shit to you and that hurt so much

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** all i wanted was to go out and have a good time and feel like you love me but then 

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Fuck. Sorry. I didn't mean to rant at you.

 **Moony:** No, it okay.

 **Moony:** it's*

 **Moony:** It's good to know your side of the story as well.

 **☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** But it hasn't helped anything. We're still in the same stupid situation.

** [✓Read 6:37 p.m.] **

**☼ Actual Literal Sunshine ☼:** Where did you go?

** [Delivered.] **

* * *

Regulus absolutely  _loved_ having a friend. 

Which sounded much, much less lame in his head.

It was just that he hadn't ever truly had a friend of his own. Everyone in his inner circle was either family by blood or by choice - and embarrassingly, his family of choice consisted strictly of people he'd met through Sirius. Growing up, he had been shy to the point of awkwardness. He didn't know how to talk to people, didn't know how to look at people, didn't know how to do anything that involved other people. Whenever he was forced into conversation with someone, he would get excessively self conscious about where his hands were supposed to be, about whether he was supposed to look a person in the eye when talking to them or at their eyebrows or just stare intently at the floor.

It had always been incredible easy for Sirius to make friends but Regulus had always been a loner.

Never really  _lonely_ because he still had so many people (exactly twelve people) who loved him a lot, but just alone.

He didn't realize how much he'd hated being alone till he found a friend in Leah.

Every since he'd returned to Hogwarts after his little meltdown, they had become inseparable. Although they didn't have a lot of classes together this year, they always found time to quickly gossip in between classes and made it a point to sit next to each other in the library during study sessions or in the Great Hall for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Leah wasn't like him at all. She was from a pretty poor family and had come to Hogwarts on a scholarship. She wasn't a coconut looking, awkward mess of limbs with a nose too big for a slim, little face. She was absolutely gorgeous. She had silver hair and eyes so big, Regulus sometimes saw all the planets of the universe in them. It would be a lie if he said he hadn't imagined what it would be like to kiss her and to hold her close, to love her and to have her love in return, to have her look at him the way Sirius and Remus looked at each other.

Even if he never got to have her as his girlfriend, just having her as his friend felt surreal to him.

Unreal.

An out of body experience.

An out of body experience, exactly how he felt as he stood behind a shelf in the library, sweaty hands holding onto a neatly wrapped birthday gift and eavesdropped.

Eavesdropped on his too-good-to-be-true friend laughing, the tinkling, magical sound that made him want to die sometimes.

"A-And," Leah gasped, laughing too hard to actually say anything clearly. Regulus felt his eyes tear up. "I don't even remember, but I think he said something like, his only friends are his fucking internet friends," she whispered to her group of friends, giggling. 

"Holy shit, what a fucking loser," a seventh year from Ravenclaw chuckled. "I bet he has a body pillow of you that he dry humps to sleep everyday. I know guys like him, they're all fucking creeps, jacking off to fucking manga or something."

Leah giggled again, running a finger delicately under her eyes to remove her tears of amusement without smudging her makeup. "God, I can't believe that," she replied. "Who would have thought? The infamous Black brothers; one's a fag and the other is a stereotypical kimchi freak."

" _Kimchi freak,"_ her friend cackled, banging her fist against the table in mirth.

* * *

**roomies!**

**srs:** has anyone seen remus?

 **srs:** he wasnt home last night night and he still hasnt come back

 **srs:** hes not replying to my messages either

 **lil-e:** tf do you mean he hasnt been home?

 **srs:** exactly what it reads you fucking fuck wit

 **Jams:** sirius calm the fuck down

 **srs:** remus

 **srs:** isnt

 **srs:** home

 **srs:** dont tell me to calm down

 **srs:** he was being weird yesterday and i was worried and now i cant fucking find him

 **pettigrew:** why didnt you say anything yesterday!

 **srs:** because i didnt want to suffocate him!!!!!! i thought he just neded some space

 **srs:** fuck im freaking out

 **Jams:** **@lil-e** did he say anything to you?

 **regulusb:** hyungie whats going on

**srs removed regulusb from the group.**

**Jams:** he knows now anyway you're only gonna worry him more

 **srs:** i'l deal with it later fuck

 **lil-e:** sirius what the fuck did you say to him

 **srs:** i 

 **Jams:** nope were not fighting with each other

 **Jams:** everyone head out in different directions and try to find him

 **lil-e:** ill go to the uni and check if he booked a study room or a studio

 **Jams:** ill go and check with his friends

 **Jams:** sirius?

**srs: _is typing..._**

**srs: _is typing..._**

**srs:** what if hes dead

**Jams removed lil-e from the group.**

**Jams:** fucking pull yourself together and go to his favourite bars

 **pettigrew:** im gonna try and get in touch with him 

 **pettigrew:** it worse comes to worst ill call his mom and s ee if she knows anything

 **Jams:** sirius fucking answer me i dofnt have time for this right now

 **srs:** im going

* * *

**James Hyung**

**regulusb:** james???

 **James Hyung:** its okay bb (๑♡⌓♡๑)

 **James Hyung:** sirius and remus are havign a domestic

 **regulusb:** you never call him sirius

 **regulusb:** just tell me the truth

 **James Hyung:** its honestly fine!! 

 **James Hyung:** lily found him in one of the study rooms and we're just trying to sort their shit out now 

 **regulusb:** promise?

 **James Hyung:** id never lie to you bb

 **regulusb:** keep me updated?

 **James Hyung:** okies

* * *

**sirius**

**regulusb:** why did you remove me whats happening

 **sirius:** its okay boo we found him

 **regulusb:** where?

 **sirius:** he was at the park, fuckin idiot

 **sirius:** i'll talk to you later okay?

 **sirius:** i just need to talk to him first

** [✓Read 5:43 p.m.] **

* * *

**sirius' husbando**

**_Your call was declined._  Try again?** **  
**

**_Your call was declined._ Try again? **

****_Your call was declined._**** ****Try** **again?** **

****_Your call was declined._  **** ****Try** **again?** **

**regulusb:** remus?

 **_Your call was declined._** **Try again? **

**regulusb:** please dont hurt yourself i love you so much youre like my brother please i dont want to lose you too

 **regulusb:** they keep lying to me and saying they found yuo i jst want ot know youre okay please

 **regulusb:** just tell mewher e you are i swear i wotn tell anyone

 _**Your call was declined.**_ **Try again?**

**regulusb: sent a voicenote.**

> _I-Are-Just-_

**regulusb:** please

** [Delivered.] **

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *slides into your DMs after a solid month and punches you in the face with a bag full of dense-angst-bricks* HELLO!
> 
> This was absolutely not what I had planned for this chapter and that just goes to show how my month has been. 
> 
> I love you guys so much. Thank you for all the incredibly nice and supportive comments for the little news update I posted! I promise I read them all and cried (and screenshotted and saved them all), but I didn't want to reply because there's nothing I can say that could ever tell you how I really feel. So just know that I read them and I felt a little bit better. So thank you. Thank you for your patience, your encouragements and your faith in me. 
> 
> I promise I'll fix everything, don't you worry your pretty little head <3
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](https://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


	18. Little duckie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** .......I'd like to take back everything I've said. Wolfstar is not okay, we're fucking breaking up fr this time.

**You have (24) voice messages.**

**You have (53) missed calls.**

**You have (+400) messeges.**

**Alert: Inbox full!**

* * *

  **We Dem Bois**

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** What's going on?

 **teabagging:** REKJsKJDHFNC WHAERE THE FUCK WERE YOU

 **Mr. Evans:** weve been calling you for fucking hours where the fuck have you been????

**Jams added lil-e to "We Dem Bois."**

******✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** i was at fab and gideons place? i thought i told you?

 **teabagging:** no yoU FUCKING DIDNT YOU FUCKING GIT

 **Mr. Evans:** i thought you were dead you selfish prick

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** shit im sorry i just

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** i really did think i told you james

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** i just needed some space

 **lil-e:** REMUS WHAT HTE FUCK ARE YOU OKAY

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** so i went to their place for the night and my phone died and neither of them had an iphone charger

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** yeah, im fine lils

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** oh shit you guys told regulus?????????????? i have a billion missed calls frm him

 **teabagging:** he found out

 **lil-e:** this is by far the stupidest fucking thing you have ever done where the fuck are you right now?

 ** ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** im back home im sorry i didnt htink this through

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** where are you guys?

 **Mr. Evans:** looking all over the fucking town for your dumb ass

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** Im sorry

 **lil-e:** someone tell sirius hes okay

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** yeah i read it

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** sirius im sorry i swear i didnt mean to scare everyone

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** its okay

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** im still sorry

* * *

**Little duckie**

**Moony:** **sent a voicenote.**

> _Regs, I'm so, so sorry. I'm fine, I swear. I just needed distance from everyone...Fuck, that was so stupid. I should have told someone, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you or anyone else, love. I'm sorry._

**Little duckie:** how coudlj yuo b so selfish?

 **Little duckie:** do hyou have any idea whatt weve all been going through?

 _**Your call was declined.** _ ** Try again? **

**Moony:** please pick up the phone and lets talk

 **Little duckie:** i dont fuckign wanna

 **Moony:** Regs :(

 **Little duckie:** i wass o worried ioh my god

 **Little duckie:** do you think youre the only one iwth problems?

 _ **Your call was declined.** _ ** Try again?** 

 **Moony:** regs im so fucking sorry pls just call me

 **Little duckie:** but im not running away from my problems like a coward

 **Moony:** what do you want me to say regs

 **Moony:** im sorry 

 **Moony:** if i could take it back somehow i would im so fucking sorry i never wanted to hurt you

 **Little duckie:**   _ **is typing...** _

**Little duckie:**   _ **is typing...** _

**Little duckie:** __**is typing...** _ _

**Little duckie:** ___**is typing...** _ _ _

**Little duckie:** ____**is typing...** _ _ _ _

**Little duckie:** _____**is typing...** _ _ _ _ _

**Little duckie:** ______**is typing...** _ _ _ _ _ _

**Moony:** say smth please

 **Little duckie:** dont ever do that to me again

 **Moony:** i swear to god i will never i love you regulus id never intentionally hurt you

 **Little duckie:** you cant leave me

 **Moony:** i wont i promise

 **Moony:** and.....is someone still bullying you?

 **Little duckie:** i dint say anything like that

 **Moony:** but you mentioned problems and if thats still happening then you gotta tell someone

 **Little duckie:** dont tell sirius

 **Moony:** i wont but you gotta talk to someone regs

 **Moony:** just tell me. give me names and i'll take care of it.

 **Little duckie:** no offense but you deal with your own shit first

 **Moony:** okay wow youre exta god damn prickly today

 **Little duckie:** YOU FUCKING DISAPPEARED FOR AN ENTIRE DAY

 **Moony:** OKAY OH MY GOD STOP SWEARING ITS GIVING ME COGNITIVE DISSONANCE

 **Little duckie:** ME TOO BUT I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO EXPRESS HOW PISSED I AM I HATE SWEARING

 **Moony:** im sorry regulus :(

 **Little duckie:** i love you hyungie :(

 **Moony:** you know

 **Moony:** this is going to sound very very very very very weird

 **Moony:** but before i left i had this conversation with lily abotu how i wanted kids and a family and a future and 

 **Moony:** i cant believe i never realised that i already have tht

 **Little duckie:** is that your weird, twisted way of saying you think of me as your son?

 **Moony:**........ye

 **Little duckie:** -_- 

 **Little duckie:** ok dad

 **Moony:** :) that knda makes me happy :)

 **Little duckie:** aksdjknc i was beign sarcastic!!!!!

 **Moony:** SHHH LET ME BASK

 **Moony:** can i call you now?

 **Little duckie:**...okay

**Facetime connecting with Little Duckie.**

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

******✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** ** Sirius, where are you? Everyone's already home.

 **Mr. Evans:** pls dont disappear i cant do this twice in a day im fucking exhausted

 **lil-e:** wait what the fuck is your name  **@Jams**

**Jams removed lil-e from "We Dem Bois."**

**Jams changed username to default.**

**teabagging:** lmaoooooooooo

 **Jams:** were gonna pretend that didnt just happen

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** im just gonna stay at andromeda's for the night. im too tired to drive back home.

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** oh okay

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** goodnight

 **Jams:** jfc you guys are so irritating

 **teabagging:** my new otp is jily, fuck wolfstar honestly

 **Jams:** shut the fuck up you rat

 **teabagging:** you know what fuck all of you

 **teabagging:** my one true otp is peteziyicy

 **teabagging:** at least we dont have so much drama for no fucking reason

 **Jams:** UMMM?????????? YOU SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN YOURSELF CRYING ON THE PANTRY FLOOR??

**pettigrew left "We Dem Bois."**

**Jams:** fuckin #E X P O S E D

* * *

**Baemus Lupin <3**

**Contact name changed to Remus.**

**srs:** im really not in the mood to right now and i doubt you are either

 **srs:** but when i get home tomorrow we're havign a conversation about all of this

 **Remus:** im sorry

 **srs:** stop saying youre sorry, i already its okay

 **Remus:** but its clearly not okay

 **Remus:** what i did was really horrible, regardless of whether i intended to hurt you all or not

 **Remus:** it was stupid and impulsive of me

 **srs:** and its good enough for me that you realise that it was shitty of u to disappear like that

 **srs:** but right now im just too exhausted to put all my thoughts into words

 **srs:** lets just get some sleep and we can figure all of this out tomorrow

 **Remus:** okay.

 **srs:** you're okay right?

 **Remus:** yes i prmise

 **srs:** okay then

 **srs:** good night

 **Remus:** lily and james are smothering me in our bed so i doubt it will be a good night

 **srs:** haha they were just really worried

 **Remus:** yeah...

 **Remus:** i love you

 **srs:** i'll love you always

* * *

  **Headass**

 **lil-e:** come downstairs and help me make breakfast

 **Headass:** um? i dont know how to cook????

 **lil-e:** i'll teach you

 **Headass:** okay

 **lil-e:** did you just give remus a nose kiss?

 **Headass:** noooooo?????

 **lil-e:** give him one from me too

 **Headass:** okay

* * *

"Well, it wasn't exactly his first time doing this," Lily said with a sigh.

"He's run away before?" James asked, shocked. He had known Remus for nearly his entire life and known about his bipolar for about six years, but not once had he heard of the boy doing something like this. 

"Before they found the right medication for him, he'd do all sorts of stupid shit," Lily replied, grabbing James by the waist and leading him to stand in front of the toaster. "Just toast and butter some bread, you pleb."

"I  _told_ you I wasn't good at cooking," he grumbled indignantly, grabbing the butterknife from her nonetheless.

"Well, you didn't tell me you were a fucking  _disaster_ at cooking either," she said, going back to making eggs for all of them. "Anyway, back to the topic. I have no idea why he did that yesterday, though. I know him and Sirius are having problems right now, but he's not a hormonally imbalanced teenager anymore. I just...God, I was so worried."

"Me too," James agreed. "I'm still really worried about him. And Sirius. I think they've been fighting for a month now? It feels weird. Like when your parents fight and the house gets super tense until they make up one day behind the scenes and everything is okay again."

Lily snorted. "But like, with less throwing furniture at each other."

James wrinkled her nose at her. "I really hope you got some therapy for that," he teased, knowing Lily didn't work well with pity or sympathy. For some strange reason, any sort of kindness always put her on edge and only succeeded in making her super defensive.

"Shut the fuck up, you smartass," she replied with an eye roll. She looked at James from the corner of her eye, suddenly wary. She didn't know if it was a good idea to bring it up now but... "Or should I call you Mr. Evans?"

James froze where he was, shoulders and back tensing. From her position, Lily could see the skin of his neck turning darker as a blush travelled up to his ears and cheeks. 

"I-It was a joke, okay? It's not that deep," he said tersely, trying to focus on the toast he was buttering and not on the feel of Lily's eyes on him. 

Something heavy settled in the bottom of Lily's stomach at that and she just hummed in response, turning back to the task at hand. 

She wasn't sure why it mattered so much to her that James really didn't see her in a romantic light, but every small, inconsequential rejection from him made her heart ache in a way it hadn't ever done before. They'd known each other for years and it wasn't until she'd moved into the Black household that she truly got to know him. There was no way she could develop romantic feelings for him in just a couple months, but there was no denying the fact that she definitely wanted something from him. 

Maybe it was just lust, just a bodily desire, a hunger that needed to be satiated ever since they'd had that stupid sex life talk.

Or maybe it was something else entirely.

But whatever it was, James had made it clear again and again that it was completely one-sided.

"Good morning, guys," Remus said as he waddled his way into the kitchen, fluffy blanket wrapped securely around him.

"Good morning, Remma," Lily said with a wide, genuine smile. She leant across the kitchen aisle and gave him a kiss on top of his head where his hair were mussed adorable with sleep. 

"How the fuck did you manage to look even more depressed than usual on this fine morning?" James asked loudly as he piled a plate with bacon, eggs and toast for Remus. He put the plate in front of Remus, along with a glass of juice, and gently patted him on the head. "You honestly look like shit."

"Thank you," Remus said drily, glaring at his food. "It's just...probably my last day as Sirius' boyfriend."

James couldn't help but snort at that. "Sure. You guys are never breaking up. Wolfstar is like the universe - mysterious, infinite and never ending."

"Why are you thinking like that, silly?" Lily asked, taking her place at the breakfast table. James grabbed his veggie salad and took a seat next to her, not sensing how the action made her tense up in place.

"Yesterday, he told me that he'll always love me," Remus said, mouth droopy at the edges.

James frowned before slowly turning to Lily so they could share at least one look of incredulity before even trying to pretend to be sympathetic.

"So...of course, your first thought was that he's going to break up with you," Lily tried to understand. "Because he told you he'll always love you."

"Yes," Remus replied, still staring forlornly at his food.

"Because, obviously, that's what normal people do. Break up with the people they are stupidly in love with," James said, voice coated in sarcasm. 

"Yes."

This time, it was Lily who turned to him, a look of completely and utter hopelessness on her face.

"So...By that logic, I should break up with Lily because I'm in love with her?" James asked and Lily whipped around in her seat to stare wide-eyed at James.

"You fucking  _what_ now, mate?" she screamed and James gave her a panicked look.

Remus snorted, face still deadpan as he said, "It's okay. You don't have to pretend to be dating in front of me, I already know you're not."

 _Oh, right,_ Lily thought, trying to calm her thundering heart down.  _We're supposed to be dating. Fuck._

"B-But we're not pretending!" she said, immediately forcing herself to get back on her feet. "I just...we haven't yet said I love you's to each other, so I was just shocked."

"Wait, what do you mean you already know we're not dating?" James said, frowning in suspicion. "Is this why you had absolutely no reaction when we told you?"

Remus nodded, finally taking a bite of his breakfast.

"How..." James began to ask before changing his mind. "Never mind, this isn't about us. It's about you. And your stupid mental processing. When two people love each other, they stay together and overcome all their problems  _together._ Not break up. Why would you even think that?"

Just then, the front door opened and in came a haggard looking Sirius. His clothes and hair were a mess. James could see the circles around his eyes despite the fact that Sirius was wearing tinted sunglasses. He looked like death.

"There he is!" James shouted, raising his arms above his head in celebration. "Tell your dumbass boyfriend that you're not going to break up with him!"

The responding silence seemed to stretch for ages before Remus let out an exhausted chuckle. He pushed himself up from his seat, the blanket falling off him and gave a shocked James a small smile. 

"Told you," Remus said before walking back to his breakfast. His single bite of eggs felt like it was trying to crawl back up his food pipe. "C'mon," he said in Sirius' general direction, not sure if he could truly look at him. "Let's get this over with."

* * *

**Leah**

**regulusb:** HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL <3

 **Leah:** thank you so much regulus (◕‿◕✿)

 **regulusb:** so when are we meeting up to celebrate?

** [✓Read 10:43 a.m.] **

* * *

Remus looked so resigned to everything that Sirius nearly felt his anger burn back to flame again.

 _What kind of love is this? Where you don't even try to hold on?_ he thought to himself as he seated himself on the other end of the bed.

"So?" Remus said, voice rough and low.

"So," Sirius said, forcing a smile on his face. "It's good to see that you're alive and well."

It was a low shot, but seeing Remus wince in guilt settled something sadistic inside him. Sirius had only ever wanted Remus to be happy and healthy, but he didn't want to be the only one suffering from everything that had happened in the past month. He didn't want to feel as if he was the only one who cared enough about their relationship to be hurt.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Remus whispered, cheeks ablaze with shame. "I really didn't think that one through."

"Were you really so sick of me that you had to go and do all of that?" Sirius asked. He could feel his cheeks hurting with how maniacal his grin was, but his voice was sharp and poisonous.

Remus locked his jaw in anger. "It wasn't just you," he said, trying to be as rational as he possibly could when Sirius was obviously planning on being as petty as he possibly could. "You know how I get sometimes. Everything was too much and it felt like everything was falling apart so I had to get my head out of that space before I did something stupid. You  _know_ how it is. You said you understood."

Sirius swallowed, the anger rushing out of him suddenly. It wasn't Remus he was angry at, it was the situation. The entire stupid, fucking situation.

"Yeah," he said, clearing his throat. "Yeah, sorry. That was assholish of me."

Remus rolled his eyes, though the tension in his shoulders bled out. "I thought we were going to have a normal, adult conversation," he said, sighing. "If we're just gonna sit here and take shots at each other, I should just leave right now.

"No, no," Sirius said immediately, sitting up straighter. "We'll...We're gonna talk now."

"Okay," Remus said, mostly just to fill the awkward pause stretching between them. "I-I guess I'll start? I know I've said this a billion times already, but I'm sorry for yesterday. Ever since you started avoiding me, it's just been one long panic attack and it got really bad that night so I just...walked away, I guess. I get that it was really dumb of me now. I never wanted to do this to you or anyone else."

"We should break up," Sirius said suddenly, tears collecting to blur his vision. He kept his head tilted down, not wanting Remus to see him cry. "This...If this relationship is making things harder for you, then we should break up. We-We could go back to being friends, I guess. And you could continue living here. But we should break up if this is only hurting you."

Remus bit into his bottom lip hard enough to make it bleed. "It's not just hurting me," he pointed out, leaning over to wipe away Sirius' tears. He watched Sirius' shoulders shake as he tried to choke down a sob, his own eyes overflowing. "I don't ever want to b-be the reason for your tears, love."

Sirius pulled away from Remus' warmth, burying his face in his hands and letting it all out. Remus watched him cry and shake for a minute before he couldn't take it anymore and crossed the distance between them to wrap himself around Sirius.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered, tears trailing down his face.

"We were do-doing so good," Sirius said between gasps. "Are we that fucking pathetic that our first fight and we already give up?"

Remus' chin trembled as he took Sirius' face in his hands. Sirius' eyes were already almost swollen shut and painfully red. "That's the thing though, isn't it?" he started saying. "This is probably the first of a lifetime of fights because my depression isn't going to go away. I've accepted that, but you don't have to stick around for this fucking bullshit." 

"That's where you're wrong," Sirius seethed, eyes fiery beneath a film of tears. "It's not your depression or bipolar or  _whatever_ that's fucking this up. You forget that I've been with you since we were little and I _know_ how it works and how you get and I  _know_ how to take care of you. I-It's you thinking that you are some sort of burden on me that's putting such a huge distance between us."

"Am I not?" Remus asked, sniffing. "I am literally living off your money right now. I'm behind all of you in university and even now, I can't be enough of a functioning human being to go to classes regularly so I'm probably gonna fail everything. I'll never be someone you can be proud of, Sirius."

Sirius pushed Remus' hands away from his face and wrapped his arms tightly around the shivering boy, hiding his face in the side of his neck. "You already are someone I'm incredibly proud of, baby. I am so,  _so_ proud of you and I always will be, whether as your boyfriend or as your friend, it doesn't matter," Sirius cried, tightening his grasp when Remus hiccuped out another sob. "There's nothing you could do that would make me ashamed of you. You've had your share of your problems and I've had mine and we've both done so fucking well. I am proud of  _us."_

"I-I don't really want to break up," Remus admitted, eyes closed tightly. "I'm love you."

"I'm love you?" Sirius chuckled wetly, pressing a teary kiss to Remus' neck. "I'm love you too."

"Don't make fun of me while I'm literally sobbing a lung out, you jackass."

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**srs added pettigrew to "We Dem Bois."**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):****   **shared a photo.** **  
**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** when you're happy on the inside and on the outside

 **teabagging:**...that's fucking disturbing as hell

 **teabagging:** im guessing the wolfstar is back on track?

 ****(ᵔᴥᵔ):** ** **shared a photo.**

****

******(ᵔᴥᵔ):****** still as gay as ever

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** OH WAIT HUSEKJDFN WRONG PICTURE FUCOAHJKSNC DONT LOOKKKKKKKKK

 **teabagging:** OTO FUCKING LATE OH MY GOD

 **Mr. Evans:** HOW THE FUCK DO YOU SEND YOUR NUDES TO THE GROUP CHAT HOLY SHIT

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** you know what

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i aint even mad

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i look like a whole meal right there

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** 100/10 would bang myself if i could

 **Mr. Evans:** its called masturbation, something you have loads of practice with since youre still a fucking virgin

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** eat an entire bag of dicks

 **teabagging:** how the fuck did you even manage to take a picture from that angle?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** i didnt, moons did

 **Mr. Evans:**....wait

 **Mr. Evans:** does that mean............................youve done the do

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** NO LOL

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** but we been nekkid wth each other

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** and lemme tell you, moony is the real deal

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** the boy looks noodly as fuck but hes so toned???? my gay ass was legit shook the first time i got him to take his clothes off?

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****...........................i just got a notification saying remus has saved my photo.......

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** well this is awkward

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** baby why you creepin

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** : just join the conversation

 **Mr. Evans:** and why save his accidental nudes when you can just ask him for some?

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** that's where it gets awkward you see

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:******....i saved the meme........not the.......n00d

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):****.......I'd like to take back everything I've said. Wolfstar is not okay, we're fucking breaking up fr this time.

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** BABE I ALREADY HAVE THAT PICTURE THOUGH??? WHY WOULD I SAVE IT AGAIN?????? I LITERALLY TOOK IT????

 **Mr. Evans:** ive never been so insulted in my life and this isn't even about me

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** I HAVE AN ENTIRE SERIES OF PICTURES FROM THAT DAY???? WTF??? 

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** I HAVE AN ENTIRE ALBUM DEDICATED TO YOUR ASS WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT FROM ME

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** STOP LEAVING ME ON READ ALL OFYOU OH MY GOD

 ****(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a screenshot.** **  

> _Notifications: Moony has screenshotted and saved your photo._

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** screenshot AND save 

 ** **(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** a little too desperate dont you think?

 **teabagging:** wow remus, thats so clingy ew

 ** **✿ **Moonpie**  ✿ **:****** WHAT DO YOU ALL WANT ME JKSANDC

* * *

**Little Black Brother ;)**

**Leah:** oh sorry regulus :( i already have plans with my friends

 **Leah:** thats why i didnt reply earlier, i am out with them 

 **Leah:** maybe we can meet up tomorrow?

 **Little Black Brother ;):** oh thats okay :)

 **Little Black Brother ;):** i just wanted to give you your present

 **Leah:** oh?

 **Little Black Brother ;):** i think you'll really like it!

 **Little Black Brother ;):** but i guess i can just give it to you tmrw?

 **Leah:** no i think i can sneak away for ten minutes

 **Little Black Brother ;):** oh cool! meet you outside the great hall in five?

 **Leah:** okay :) 

** [✓Read 6:37 p.m.] **

* * *

**Remma ☽**

**lil-e:** you asleep yet?

 **Remma ☽:** nope

 **Remma ☽:** whats up

 **lil-e:** i want to fuck james

 **Remma ☽:** whAT THE FUCIK

 **Remma ☽:** sirius read that by the way and hes screaming

 **lil-e:** I CAN HEAR HIM

 **lil-e:** FOR FUCKS SAKE REMUS THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A PRIVATE CONVERSATION

 **Remma ☽:** you didnt tell me that!!!

 **Remma ☽:** now he also knows that you guys arent actually dating

 **Remma ☽:** sorry lily :(

 **lil-e:** *sighs for ten thousand lifetimes*

 **lil-e:** issokie i guess

 **lil-e:** just tell srs to keep his fat mouth shut

 **lil-e:** i dont wanna make things awks between me and james, we're pretty good friends now

 **Remma ☽:** eCUSE ME?? MY MOUTH IS NOT FAT ITS VERY BEAUIOFJCNK

 **Remma ☽:** sorry he stole my phone for a second and no, he wont say anything with his beautiful mouth

 **Remma ☽:** but where the fuck is this coming from?

 **lil-e:** so we had this conversation yeah? and ever since then, i cant stop thinking about having sex with him :////

 **Remma ☽:** what did you guys talk about?

 **lil-e:** aboUT HIM BEING A FUCKING SUBMISSIVE

 **lil-e:** my wrist is hurting from how much i've imagined domming him

 **lil-e:** and i didnt even know i liked that kinda shit

 **Remma ☽:** lmaoooooooooooooooo

 **lil-e:** remma :(

 **Remma ☽:** im sorry but this is truly hilarious

 **Remma ☽:** you should just tell him you want to be fwbs or smth, im sure he'll be up for it - srs

 **lil-e:** hes made it very fucking clear he doesnt want me that way :\\\\\\\

 **Remma ☽:** oh did you already ask him?

 **lil-e:** sorta

 **lil-e:** but he said hes a relationship man and doesnt like hook ups :////

 **Remma ☽:** oh my goD STOP WITH THAT FUCKING EMOTICON

 **lil-e:** remma :/ :\

 **Remma ☽:** i hate you

 **Remma ☽:** i honestly dont know how to help you out?

 **Remma ☽:** unless you fall in love with him

 **lil-e:** i am not going to change who i am as a person for a dick, remus, pls be realistic

 **lil-e:** what even is falling in love?

 **lil-e:** all my past girlfriends and boyfriends were constantly nagging at me for not being in love enough

 **lil-e:** the fuck does it mean?

 **Remma ☽:** being with someone you care a lot about and chilling with them outside the bedroom as well :)

 **lil-e:** ah...makes sense

 **Remma ☽:** jesus

 **lil-e:** what??

 **Remma ☽:** youre a whole grown ass woman how tf dont you know people want to be cared about outside of sex as well????????

 **lil-e:** :/ :\

 **lil-e:** petunia threw me in the trash when i was a bb?

 **Remma ☽:** yoU CANT USE THAT FOR EVERYTHING

 **lil-e:** i was born addicted to cocaine?

 **Remma ☽:**...fuck, mate - srs

 **lil-e:** yeah :/

 **lil-e:** i think i'll jack off again just because im thinking about sub!james again

 **Remma ☽:** okay? good on you?

 **lil-e:** arent you jealous of people with vaginas and their ability to have multiple orgasms?

 **Remma ☽:**....i wasnt until you mentioned it 

 **lil-e:** youre welcome :)

* * *

Leah smiled at Regulus when she saw him standing nervously outside the Great Hall's entrance.

"Hey, you," she said with a small smile, wrapping him in a brief hug.

"Happy birthday," Regulus replied with a shy smile, feet shifting nervously on the marble floor.

"You already wished me," Leah said with a laugh, voice echoing in the empty place.

Regulus' cheeks reddened. "Not like this though. Face-to-face is better," he answered.

"Yes, it is," she agreed, pulling his cheeks and cooing. "So where is my gift? I'm sorry for being so abrupt but I have to run. I have to go meet my house people."

"Oh, uh," Regulus stuttered. "Before I give it to you, I just want to explain myself." Leah gave him a confused look but nodded. "I-I know that you sometimes really s-struggle with money and you know that I come from a rich family. So I-I just don't want you to get offended. I just have a lot of money so it doesn't matter if I give some away, you know?"

"What..." Leah whispered, eyes wide in excitement and wariness.

Regulus pulled his credit card out of his pocket and handed it to her. "Y-You can use that whenever you need, for whatever you need."

"Regulus," she said, hands still at her sides. "I can't possibly take that."

"You must!" Regulus insisted. "It would mean the world to me!"

"I..."

"And I also bought you this," he said quickly and pulled a book from his bag. "I know you love reading so I got you this."

"Holy shit," she said, looking at the book in her hands. It was a first edition of Newt Scamander's  _A Guide to Fantastic Mystical Beasts,_ probably worth thousands of pounds.

"Do you like it?"

When she looked up at Regulus, her eyes were wide and face flushed. "I love it."

Something settled in Regulus' stomach as well.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not too happy with this chapter but IDC because I am so close to finishing this story and finally being proud of myself!!
> 
> Okay, so I forgot to tell you guys last update but I went to watch Coldplay live last week and holy shit. I don't think I would've made it through the last week if I hadn't gone to their concert and gotten my will to live handed back to me via my ears. It was so surreal! It made me feel like I was being wrapped in a safe, big, warm hug and I wasn't even sad when it ended because I was actually _looking forward_ to life. Not to be dramatic, but I'd sell my kidney to go to another one of their concerts.
>
>> tumblr: [@punkrockprofessor](https://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)


	19. Little duckie II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Moony:** actually.....i cant go
> 
>  **lil-e:** tf?????????
> 
>  **Moony:** i jus t remmebered that me and sirius have a date and you know how it is, we're trying to fix our broken relationship with each other
> 
>  **pettigrew:** what.....the...........
> 
>  **lil-e:** i didnt even tell you what day i planned on going tho????

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Trigger warnings:** Graphic description of physical abuse and bullying. (Very, very) Brief discussion of parental abuse and racist behaviour.

**We Dem Bois**

****✿ Moonpie ✿:**** Sirius, if you scream "catch these hands, boiiiiii" one more time before holding my hand, I will break up.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** BUT MOONY!

 **teabagging:**.......wtf pads

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** WHAT???????????? WHY CANT I ?????

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** Because! It's weird babe! And people keep laughing at us!

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** Next time you want to hold my hand, just hold my hand.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** but then how wil i know if you want to or not? 

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** at least this way you get a chance to say you dont wanna catch my hands

 **teabagging:** me: takes screenshots of my otp havign healthy conversations about their healthy, beautifully functional relationship <3

 ** ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:****** Padfoot, there will never be a moment when I don't want to hold your hand.

 **Mr. Evans:** kasjcnkscj cUTE

 **teabagging:** me:*screenshotting and editing hearts all over it*

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** but what about last week????

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** you literally punched me for trying to hold your hand????

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** siRIUS I HAD MY FUCKING DICK IN MY HAND

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** I WAS TRYING TO TAKE A FUCKING PISS IM NOT HOLDING YOUR HAND WHILE PISSING JESUS CRHIST

 **teabagging:** me: deleting all my screenshots and my friends and my entire existence

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oh....lol, makes sense

 **Mr. Evans:** serisOS WAHT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** liisten, i just love my mans a  lot okay, lemme be 

 **teabagging:** BREAKING: Sirius into some kinky watersports shit

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i wAS TRYING TO HOLD HIS HAND HOW CAN YOU CALL THAT KINKY

 **Mr. Evans:** you know what, that actually does make a lot of sense

 **Mr. Evans:** his name in this chat is literally a dog emoticon, his nickname irl is based on his love for dogs' floofy feet

 **Mr. Evans:** he keeps saying he was a dog in his last life, has a thing for sticking his head out of car windows, loves getting head scratches

 **Mr. Evans:** you know wht else dogs like?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** CUDDLES??????? AND LOVE AND AFFECTION????

 **teabagging:** markING TERRITORY WITH THEIR PISS

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** usidhfn STOP THIS RIGHT NOW

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** You know what...........now that I think about it, Sirius really does love marking his territory.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** et tu, moonmoon?

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** I can make it up to you :)

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** I'll let you mark your territory if you get home in the next twenty minutes ;)

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** IM NOT OGNNA PISS ON YOU HOLY SHIT

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** Hickies, babe. I meant hickies.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** oH SHIT IM RUNNING 

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

* * *

Another punch and Regulus was thrown against the wall, cheek scraping against the rough texture.

"This will never stop being fun," the fourth year Gryffindor said, his friends cackling in agreement.

Someone grabbed Regulus by the front of his school shirt, dragging him away from the wall that had been supporting his weight, and Regulus couldn't help but nearly trip into whoever was pulling him forward. 

"Ha, the fag is trying to cop a feel," someone said, voice sounding far, far away.

"Ew, get the fuck away from me!"

The back of Regulus' head met the wall with a resounding crack and he slipped down into a crouch. His breaths sounded weirdly loud in his ears, but everything else sounded like it was happening in another room, maybe. "Please," he gasped, holding his arms around his head to protect himself.

"Let's go," one of them said. "We already got all the money he had on him."

A hand grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to look up at crazed, red eyes. "Remember, little Reggy," the girl holding him said. "Snitches get stitches."

She threw him back to the floor, walking away with her friends, all of them laughing and cheering. Everything sounded so distant, even the pain in his body. He felt as if everything was going numb, like after months of beatings, his body had finally understood how to stop feeling it.

Maybe it was seconds later, maybe it was eons, when Regulus heard someone's footsteps resound in the ear that was still pressed against the floor. He curled his body tighter, hiding his head in his arms, hoping if he tried hard enough, he would disappear completely.

The footsteps faltered a little, then rushed and came to a stand still in front if him.

"H-Hey," a deep, rough voice asked. "Are you okay?"

Regulus sighed, slowly pulling his tense arms away from his face. He threw his body onto his back and grinned in the vague direction of the sound. His vision wasn't doing to well. "I'm fine," he said. He could feel tears filling his eyes from the burn of smiling, the act pulling at the cut on his cheek. "How are you?"

"The fuck, mate," the boy said. If Regulus squinted just so, he could see a Slytherin uniform and a lip piercing. The boy reached down to help Regulus up. "Let me take you to the infirmary."

"Nah, I'm good. Swear," Regulus said, still smiling. 

"Who the fuck did this?" the stranger asked, furrowing his brows.

"How did you get away with the lip piercing?" Regulus asked. Maybe it was the hit to his head but he genuinely couldn't control his curiosity, even in that tense situation. "I got coded for forgetting to wear a tie."

"I..." the boy's voice faltered, his shoulders sagging. "What...You're bleeding."

"I know."

"You...You don't get it, your  _face_ is  _bleeding,"_ he reiterated, slowly as if talking to a child.

Regulus waved his hand dismissively. "Back to your piercing."

"I'll tell you after you come to Madam Pomfrey with me."

Regulus felt his eyes widen impossibly at that. "No," he said forcefully, pulling away from the kneeling stranger. "I-I don't wanna."

"Why the fuck not?" The boy seemed more shocked than frustrated.

"Because I don't want anyone to ask me about this."

"Why are you trying to protect those fuckers?"

Regulus grinned again, not even wincing at the sting he felt again. "Trust me, this isn't protection. I just think suspension will be too kind a punishment. I'm gonna deal with them my way."

The boy frowned, a little unsettled by the innocent, wide, boxy grin accompanied by the menacing words. "And what is your way?"

"The Slytherin way."

* * *

**roomies!**

**lil-e:** open invitation to everyone to come and murder me thnks

 **pettigrew:** what happened???

 **Moony:** You okay, boo?

 **lil-e:** i got accepted

 **srs:** to what????????????????????

 **Moony:** HoLY DHIT YOU GOT IN??? HO MY GOD LILY HOLY SHIT

 **Jams:**???? WHATS HAPPENING

 **lil-e:** i got accepted in an exchange program to spain

 **pettigrew:** thats great!!!! congratulations!!!

 **srs:** congratulations but why do you want us to murder you? i confuse?

 **Moony:** wait dont tell me it isnt included in the scholarship

 **lil-e:** it is

 **Moony:** then??

 **lil-e:** my passport and all other important documents are at the evans house :) :)

 **lil-e:** so im gonna have to go and get them

 **Moony:** fuck

 **srs:** oh sht

 **lil-e:** :))))

 **lil-e:** i havent been there since end of school

 **lil-e:** theyre gonna be madder than usual

 **Moony:** its okay babe, i'll go with you and we'll get it from them

 **Moony:** youre a legal adult now, they cant keep your shit against your will

 **Moony:** and i wont let them get too pissy with you i promise

* * *

**Remus**

**Contact name changed to Bae <3.**

**srs:** youre not going with lilyyyyyyy

 **Bae <3: **Why the fuck not?

 **srs:** because we'll both be very busy and then james being the kind-hearted idiot that he is will have to go wit hher and they will magically fall in love

 **Bae <3: **oh sHIT YOU RIGHT

* * *

**roomies!**

**lil-e:** thanks remma, you're the best <3

 **Moony:** actually.....i cant go

 **lil-e:** tf?????????

 **Moony:** i jus t remmebered that me and sirius have a date and you know how it is, we're trying to fix our broken relationship with each other

 **pettigrew:** what.....the...........

 **lil-e:** i didnt even tell you what day i planned on going tho????

 **srs:** doesnt matter we have a date everyday

 **Jams:** you guys are being really shitty right now

 **Jams:** hope you know that

 **srs:** ye, but like ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Jams:** fuck off

 **Jams:** I'll go with you lils

* * *

****Remma ☽** **

****lil-e:**** i know what you and srs are doing and i need you to stop

 **Remma ☽:** but whyyyyyyyyy

 **Remma ☽:** you'll be in the car together for like seven hours

 **Remma ☽:** and you'll magically fall in love

 **lil-e:**??? that logic makes so little sense that i know for sure that sirius came up with it

 **Remma ☽:** fucking rude

 **lil-e:** and you KNOW i cant take james, remma

 **lil-e:** you know how fucked up my parents are and james is really fucking brown

 **lil-e:** he doenst deserve to be treated like shit for no reason

 **Remma ☽:** dont take him inside then! ask him to stay in the car but you're getting this opportunity to hang out, dont just throw it away

 **lil-e:**......

 **lil-e:** he doesnt like me like that remus

 **Remma ☽:** well, he can change his god damn mind

 **lil-e:**....fine

* * *

**roomies!**

**lil-e:** you free this weekend, james?

 **Jams:** ye

 **lil-e:** definitely wanna come with?

 **lil-e:** you already know my parents are fucked up

 **Jams:** ye

 **lil-e:** okay. thank you.

 **Jams:** no worries, bruh

 **pettigrew:** i feel like im missing out on smth but im not sure what

 **pettigrew:** maybe im just missing regs, not sure

 **regulusb:** hello (∩｡･ｏ･｡)っ.ﾟ☆｡'`

 **pettigrew:** akjshcbnrmfv, yeseuhkfjvn i love you take my soul

 **regulusb:** :O

* * *

**Remma ☽:**

**lil-e:** is being bruh-zoned a thing?

 **Remma ☽:** remus is laughing too hard to reply -srs

 **lil-e:** I CAN FUCKING HEAR HIM

* * *

srs  
London

Liked by  **jimjams, lily__, peterp** and  **14,079 others.**

 **srs** you're the best thing that has ever happened to me (~ ￣ ³ ￣ )~

View all 1402 comments.

 **lily__** HAND KINK! HAND KINK! HAND KINK! HAND KINK!

 **im.imaan**  hand kink sounds like he only wants one hand and thats creepy af  **@lily__**

 **lily__**  HANDS KINK! HANDS KINK! HANDS KINK! HANDS KINK!*

 **peterp**  i cant BELIEVE that you cut me out of the picture, you ugly ass pumpkin

 **jimjams**  i love happy babies <3

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

********(ᵔᴥᵔ):******** when youre so thirsty for dick that you gotta settle for literally anything else

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):** shared a photo.**

****

**teabagging: shared a photo.**

****

**Mr. Evans: shared a photo.**

****

******✿ Moonpie ✿:**** shared a photo.**

****

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** slurp slurp

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** anyway can we talk about what a fakeass WHORE remus lupin is?

 ** ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:****** Why are you trying to besmirch my good, Christian name?

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a screenshot.**

> **Bae <3: **whyre you slurping metal when my dick is up and ready to go?

**teabagging:** dont try to bring me back

**pettigrew left the group.**

**Mr. Evans:** why do you guys keep doing that to my poor boi

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** the nasty cant be contained ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

* * *

Regulus startled, his book falling out of his limp fingers, as someone literally slammed their food tray next to him.

Looking up, he saw that it was the boy with the lip piercing, the one who had patched him up back at the dorm nearly two weeks ago. His face immediately flushed a dark, unattractive red as he remembered how loopy and embarrassing he'd acted in front of the senior.

"H-Hi," Regulus stuttered, looking down at his feet. 

"Hey, how are you?" the boy asked, his voice strangely soothing. Maybe it was because Regulus' brain associated the stranger's voice with comfort and safety, with bandaids and antiseptic, but something about his voice but Regulus immediately at ease. 

"I'm fine, how are you?" he asked politely, giving the other boy a small smile.

The stranger snorted. "So fucking formal," he teased, grinning.

Regulus found himself flushing again. "Well, I don't even know your name and you're older than me, so..."

"Adrian," the other boy introduced himself, titling his head to meet Regulus' downturned eyes. "And you're Regulus."

Regulus nodded slowly. "How do you know me?"

"Well, you're famous and your brother is a friend of my friend," he explained. "Do you not remember meeting me before?"

Regulus frowned. "I've seen you around, but...I don't remember  _meeting_ you."

"Figures," Adrian said, turning to his tray and picking at his mashed potatoes. "You were  _hammered_ the last time we met."

Regulus' eyes widened comically, fingers clutching desperately at the table. "You...Were you the one who took me to that room and then called my brother?" he asked, voice shaky around the edges. He'd always wandered who the kind stranger had been, but he'd definitely not imagined his meeting with them being like this.

 _God, Adrian must think I'm such a troubled child,_ he thought to himself, chewing on his lip nervously as he waited for a response. 

Adrian took his time, chewing his food and swallowing before turning to Regulus and smiling. "I was," he said. "You were hilarious. Kept trying to run away and join the circus."

"S-Sorry," Regulus said immediately. "I'm sorry I was-I've  _been_ such a trouble for you. I didn't mean to."

"You're no trouble," Adrian replied easily. "You're actually really sweet."

"Um."

Just before the pause could get any more awkward, Regulus felt someone walk past him and then a girl was sitting down next to Adrian. She was beautiful, eyes wide and dark, lips painted with a subtle pink gloss and cheeks just a little rosy. Regulus had to look away before he started crying out of embarrassment.

"Hey, babe," she said to Adrian and he felt Adrian lean away, presumably to peck her on the lips, before straightening up again. "Is this the boy you were telling us about?"

Adrian elbowed Regulus subtly and he forced himself to straighten up and give her a small smile. "I'm Regulus," he said softly.

"I'm Carina," she introduced herself, dimples appearing out of nowhere as she grinned at him. "It's really nice to meet you."

"Did you deal with your bullies?" Adrian asked abruptly.

For a second, Regulus was glad for the interruption because he was awkward and lame and didn't really know how to hold a conversation, especially with new people. But then the question truly registered and he choked on thin air. "Ah-I...I dealt with one," he answered hesitantly, not sure if he wanted to talk about it.

"What did you-"

Right on time, McGonagall walked in, followed by a couple of cops. She looked furious as she marched towards the Ravenclaw table, the cops struggling to match her angry pace.

"Leah Yoshida," she announced and Leah paled. "To my office."

"What the fuck is happening?" Carina whispered, watching with wide eyes as a trembling Leah walked out of the Great Hall.

Regulus felt a numbness fall over him and he watched himself from far away as he took another bite of his food. "I heard she bullied a kid into buying her things," he said, eyes glistening with angry tears. "Heard she stole his credit card too."

There was silence as he continued eating, despite the sick feeling in his stomach, before Adrian finally spoke up.

"She had it coming," he said, rubbing a gentle hand on Regulus' shivering back.

And Regulus finally broke down.

* * *

Remus_Lupin  
Burmingham

Liked by  **jimjams, im.imaan, stay-c** and  **10,607 others.**

 **Remus_Lupin** believe it or not, but that's candid and it's all mine :)

View all 3045 comments.

 **peterp** this just in! remus lupin is also into pissing on others to mark his territory!

 **lily__** pretends to be shocked  **@peterp**

* * *

**Evans**

**Jams:** what was that?

 **Jams:** lily if you dont answer in anotehr minute im coming in 

 **Jams:** i can hear shouting

 **Jams:** fuck you im coming inside idc what your parents are like

* * *

A tense silence filled the space between them as Lily and James stared unseeingly at the menus in their hands.

James heard Lily sigh shakily and shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His own hands were still shaking as they clutched the menu, the adrenaline from before leaving him wired and anxious. He couldn't imagine how Lily must be feeling.

Maybe it was a horrible thought to have, but all James could think about was how grateful he was to have had parents who loved him so much and were just such amazing people. He had known all about Lily's parents but she always referred to her childhood events so dismissively that it had never truly registered how  _despicable_ her parents were and the level of abuse both Lily and Petunia had suffered their entire lives.

Forcing himself to shake it off, James grinned at Lily. "Knock-knock," he said, hoping to somehow alleviate her mood.

"You shouldn't have come inside," she replied, jaw clenched.

"But I haven't come inside yet? I'm just knocking?" he teased, pretending to be confused.

"This isn't fucking funny, James," she said. Her words were harsh but she sounded exhausted. "I told you to stay outside no matter what. Why didn't you listen to me?"

James slumped back into his seat. "I could hear you guys shouting and I could hear things being thrown about. What kind of a person would I be if I  _didn't_ go inside?"

"A smart one, probably," Lily said drily and James snorted. Lily sighed again, leaning forward to bury her face in her hands. A bruise was purpling on the skin of her wrist. "I didn't want them to talk shit about you."

"Lils, I've lived in this country for twenty one years now," James said, trying so hard to sound nonchalant. "If you think I'm not used to people saying racist shit to me, then you're deluded."

Lily's bright green eyes peeked through the gaps in her fingers as she meekly asked, "Is that your tragic backstory then?"

James grinned, cocking his head to the side as he thought about it. "I guess," he said with a shrug. "Never really thought about it like that."

"Does that mean we're Level 20 friends now that I know about your tragic backstory?"

James leaned forward to poke Lily's cute, little button nose and laughed. "We might be Level 40 friends now."

"What have I unlocked with that?" she asked, looking like she was genuinely excited.

"The right to send each other nudes for ratings," James said confidently and Lily scowled, even though her cheeks were a little more rosier than a second ago. "What? It's a great deal!"

Before Lily could reach across the table to punch James square in the stomach, the waitress at the shabby little diner came back with a notepad in her hand. She smiled big and wide as she asked, "You guys ready to order?"

"Actually," Lily interrupted James, smiling back at her. "Can we just get two banana shakes to go? Can't have Mr. Londoner come to our town and not see the sights, eh?"

The waitress giggled as she agreed. "Just be careful of being mugged, Mr. Londoner."

"I refuse to believe this place is as bad as everyone keeps trying to convince me it is," James said and Lily patted his hand condescendingly as she turned back to the waitress.

"He's never read the news."

* * *

**[View Jams' Snapchat story.]**

****

****

****

****

****

* * *

**Bromate**

**srs:** looks like you had an exciting day

 **Bromate:** you will not believe how badly i want to punch lily's parents in the gonads

 **srs:** that bad?

 **Bromate:** worse

 **srs:** shit is she okay?

 **Bromate:** yeah we had a fun day afterwards so shes better now

 **Bromate:** i think

 **Bromate:** she doesnt exactly show how badly shes hurt

 **srs:** sounds like you

 **Bromate:** wat are you even talking about? im a fucking crybaby

 **Bromate:** i cried for six hours after every rewatching of titanic

 **srs:** yes but youre never a crybaby about htings that matter

 **srs:** like emotions

 **Bromate:** i disagree

 **srs:** sure bb whatever you wanna think

 **Bromate:** aight we're gonna head back home now 

 **Bromate:** see you in a few

 **srs:** stay safe soulmate

 **Bromate:** i will :*

* * *

****Remma ☽** **

**lil-e:** i think im gonna move back to my old flat

 **Remma ☽:** why the fuck

 **lil-e:** i just miss being back there and living on my own

 **Remma ☽:** you hated living on your own???? you cried to me everyday about how lonely it was???????

 **Remma ☽:** what are you even on about rn?

 **lil-e:** idk i just feel like i should go back

 **Remma ☽:** is your real problem perhaps called james potter?

**lil-e: shared a photo.**

**Remma ☽:** wAHT TEH FUCK

 **lil-e:** dont say his name

 **Remma ☽:** why not??????????????????

 **lil-e:** it makes my tummy feel weird

 **Remma ☽:** lily when are you going to accept the fact that you're in love with that idiot?

 **lil-e:** i know i am but hes not so like

 **lil-e:** im gonna move out

 **lil-e:** i cant live here

 **Remma ☽:** do you think this is a fucking movie?

 **Remma ☽:** youre a rational adult, just talk to him!!!!!!

 **lil-e:** whats the point though? i suck at relationships and i don't want us to lose our friendship as well

 **Remma ☽:** this is literally exactly what was causing so much shit between sirius and i 

 **Remma ☽:** and  you know how we sorted it out?

 **Remma ☽:** by T A L K I N G about it

 **Remma ☽:** fuck it im coming to your room and slapping some sense into your dumbass

 **lil-e:** no im nekkid

 **Remma ☽:** since when do i care?

 **lil-e:** im covered in snot

 **Remma ☽:** holy shit are you crying?

 **Remma ☽:** im rUNNING

* * *

**Baebe**

**Moony:** tell your dumbass best friend to get his head out of his ass and sort things out with lily

 **Baebe:** excuse you, he might be a dumbass but only i get to call him that?

 **Baebe:** oh wait youre remus

 **Baebe:** ofc you can call him whatever

 **Baebe:** what he do

 **Moony:** he made lily cry

 **Baebe:** WHAT? HOW?

 **Moony:** shes in love with him but she thinks he isnt, bless her poor, little, stupid heart

 **Baebe:** he really isnt though?

 **Moony:** he literally spends all his free time with her and if hes not with her, hes always talking about her

 **Moony:** and not to mention his "she told me not to post her pictures on insta but imma share them with you all in the groupchat so you can get blessed as well" like?????

 **Moony:** he skipped an exam to go take her to her fv ice cream place because "she looked like shes still down about the whole parents fiasco"

 **Moony:** James, an absolute fucking nerd, skipped his EXAM

 **Moony:** hes even learning how to cook just so they can make breakfast together???????

 **Moony:** he tOOK HER TO MEET HIS PARENTS HOLY SHIT WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT

 **Baebe:**...

 **Baebe:** fuck

 **Moony:** you see it now?

 **Baebe:** hes so stupid, i cant believe

* * *

Things seemed to calm down a little after Leah's suspension and Regulus had stupidly thought that maybe he would be okay now.

The assumption crumbled in front of his eyes as he was shoved against the wall again, the sound of the impact echoing in the empty hallway.

"It's almost like you  _want_ us to beat you up," the oldest one of them all said. "Why won't you stop wandering down hallways in the middle of the night?"

They shoved him again and Regulus felt his breath leave his body in a loud gasp.

"Get the fuck away from him," a familiar voice said and Regulus froze.

_No._

"A-Adrian," the Gryffindor girl said, immediately stepping away. "What..."

Dirty sneakers entered Regulus' field of vision as he continued staring at the floor, face burning in shame.

"You will not touch him ever again," Adrian said, voice cold. "If I find out that you so much as  _breathed_ in his direction, I will personally come and find all of you."

"It's chill, mate," another boy tried. He hadn't sounded so nervous when he'd called Regulus all sorts of names. "We were just having some fun."

"Mm, maybe next time  _we_ can have some 'fun' with you guys." This time, it was Carina who spoke and she sounded completely different from every other time he'd met her before. Her voice was menacing, sending shivers down his spine, and Regulus was too scared to look at the expression that accompanied that ice cold voice.

He shrunk into himself as the others scrambled away, stuttering apologies following their footsteps, and then a gentle hand was pulling him back to his feet.

"You okay, Black?" a new voice asked and Regulus looked up shyly to see a boy with dark hair and a sweet smile looking at him with concern.

He nodded jerkily.

"Not all fights have to be fought alone," Adrian said, frown still in place as he guided Regulus back to their dorm. "Sometimes, you gotta let your friends handle shit for you."

"Friends?" Regulus asked, shocked.

Sure, Adrian and Carina had been spending all their meals with him for the last week but he wasn't sure if pity was a good foundation for friendship.

"Friends," another new voice confirmed. She was tiny, had dark circles around her eyes and a dragon tattooed around her bicep.

Regulus was floundered, but this time it wasn't the concept of friendship that had him stunned. "How the hell do you guys get away with piercings and tattoos?"

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Jams added pettigrew to "We Dem Bois."**

**Jams: shared a photo.**

**Jams:** an easily amused dork

 **teabagging:**....james........buddy

 **Jams:**???

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** whos gonna tell him?

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** Definitely not me. I am already beyond frustrated.

 **teabagging:** youre so whipped

 **Jams:** isnt that a good thing??? since we're dating????????

 **teabagging:** i mean sure, but like, this is hurting my brain

**Moony removed pettigrew from "We Dem Bois."**

****(ᵔᴥᵔ):**** james, you are  _literally_ whipped

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** and i know youre not actually dating lily

 **Jams:** did moony tell you?

 **Jams:** the fucking snitch

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** not the point oh my god

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** you are literally ///I N  L O V E// with her you moron!

 **Jams:** i mean,,,, yeah? so?

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** KJAHSNC VJDBSNV YOU KNEW????

 **Jams:** ofc? wtf why wouldn't i know my own feelings?

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** THEN WHY ARENT YOU FUCKING ACTING ON IT WERE SUFFERING HERE

 **Jams:** she doesnt do relationships srs and i dont do hookups

 **Jams:** its not gonna work out

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** so youre not even going to try?????

 **Jams:** no that would be extremely dumb

 ** **✿ Moonpie ✿:**** so youre just gonna what? chill around and love her from a distance?

 **Jams:** thats the plan :)

 **Jams:** at least until i get over it

 **Jams:** i fall in and out of love pretty easily tbh....give me like six years and BAM im over it B)

****✿ Moonpie ✿: shared a photo.** **

****** **

* * *

**Bae <3**

**srs:** good friends would let their friends know that they both actually do have romantic feelings for each other so they can sort things out and live happily ever after

 **Bae <3: **but BEST friends would watch them suffer and also slowly nudge them in the right direction

 **srs:** fuck youre so sexy

* * *

 


	20. october whomst? i only know spooktober

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can we just go eat food?" Sirius said sheepishly. "I don't think I can get hard again."

"Get on your back, I'll prep you."

Sirius' elbows slipped and he fell on his ass, face heating up even more as he stared at Remus with wide eyes. "Uh, o-oh okay," he stuttered. "So I'm bottoming?"

Remus frowned, mouth pulled in a straight line. "Of course," he said, running a hand on the inside of Sirius' thigh but the action didn't feel as good as it had ten seconds ago. "I'm like, 1.7 centimetres taller than you and you cry more than I do."

"O-Oh, yeah right, of course," Sirius mumbled, shifting upwards on the bed till he was against the headboard. His brain felt fuzzy from his lust turning quickly into intense shame. He didn't know why he felt that way, maybe because he was so inexperienced and so  _virginal,_ but it felt awful. His cheeks burnt uncomfortably and his heart felt heavy where it was thudding against his ribs. 

When he finally looked up, the straight line of Remus' lips trembled and melted as he burst out laughing. Remus fell forward, his head landing somewhere between Sirius' thighs as he continued laughing, shoulders shaking with mirth.

"Wh-" Sirius mumbled, cheeks colouring even more. 

"I'm s-sorry," Remus gasped through his laughter, crawling up till he had Sirius wrapped in a warm hug. "You're too fucking c-cute."

"I don't..."

"James told me about your questions about bottoming and topping," Remus explained and Sirius hid his face with a grumble. Remus just laughed harder. "Baby, I love you so much."

"I don't feel very loved right now," Sirius grumbled, still keeping his face tucked in Remus' neck. All the blood in his face was giving him a headache.

Remus ran a calming hand down Sirius' back, cooing. "Did I go too far?" he asked, apology evident in his voice.

Sirius shrugged. He felt like crying but he didn't know  _why._ "I just don't know," he said helplessly. "It's  _embarrassing."_

"What is?"

"That I'm so fucking awkward at this and that y-you're not," Sirius said, pulling back so he could sit against the headboard. He grabbed a pillow from the side and hid his face with it. "This would be so much easier if you didn't know shit either."

"Sirius, it honestly doesn't matter to me," Remus said, now rubbing Sirius' legs for comfort. Remus hated seeing Sirius distressed, but his bashfulness and inexperience was somehow so adorable to him, that he couldn't stop smiling even as he offered words of comfort. "I already told you I don't mind going on your speed. If all you want to do is kissing, then that's all we have to do. If you want to have wild, public sex, I will be up for some kink negotiation."

Sirius made a strangled noise behind his pillow and Remus laughed again.

"I could pretend to be just as inexperienced as you?" he offered and Sirius froze.

Slowly, he pulled the pillow down till Remus could at least see his inquisitive eyes. "You can do that?"

Remus grinned. "Hell yeah," he said, crawling till he was pressed against his boyfriend. "We can both be awkward and try to finger each other dry-"

"I'm not  _that_ inexperienced, you asshole. I know what lube is," Sirius said with a glare.

" _Or,"_ Remus continued, pressing a small kiss to Sirius' nose and watching his eyes crinkle with a smile, "we could just do what I know you're comfortable with and then go eat some good food."

"Can we  _just_ go eat food?" Sirius said sheepishly. "I don't think I can get hard again."

Remus just snorted out a laugh.

* * *

**we are all e m o**

**adrian added regulusb to "we are all e m o."**

**alcoholic:** and i had a fucking whip in my other hand innit?

**alcoholic:** wait whos tha

**cari-no:** no GO BACK TO THE STORY YOU CANT LEAVE ME HANGING HERE

**soft inside:** hi regulus

**soft inside:** who changed my fucking name again

**adrian:** ^ thats Yvonne, the one with the dragon tattoo

**regulusb:** hello!

**adrian:** alcoholic is oliver. you haven't met him because he's on a three week suspension

**regulusb:** hello :)

**alcoholic:** i got sent home for getting drunk and trying to find the giant squid that lives in the black lake

**regulusb:** theres a giant squid in the lake?

**soft inside:** oh no, regulus

**regulusb:**??????

**cari-no:** you've started him now -_-

**alcoholic:** liSTEN doN"t YoU FcuKINg diSreSpECt mE liKe tHis

**alcoholic:** there IS a giant squid in the lake

**alcoholic:** i've seen it with my own two eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**pu:** sure you have babe

**alcoholic:** BABE

**alcoholic:** **shared a photo.**

****

**pu: shared a photo.**

****

**cari-no:** *sighs*

**cari-no:** that's pooh

**cari-no:** they're both whipped

**cari-no:** wHICH BRINGS ME BACK TO THE WHIP DONT LEAVE ME HANGING OLI

**regulusb:** thats an adorable name

**regulusb:** hi pooh!

**pu:** oh

**pu:** hi!!!!!!!!!!! we've met before!!!

**regulusb:** we have?

**pu:** yeah, im the girl with the pink hair that sits in the corner in bio class

**regulusb:** oh yeah i know you!!

**regulusb:** i honestly envy you so much :(( your hair's so nice :)

**regulusb:** ive always wanted to dye my hair too!

**adrian:** whats stopping you?

**regulusb:** good question.

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

****✿** **Moonpie** ✿: **James, did I ever tell you about Lily's modelling stint?

**teabagging:** oh i saw pictures she posted on her insta then

**teabagging:** pretty sure she deleted them later?

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:**** Yeah, she decided never to model again.

**Jams:** her................................modelling..........................................

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** lmao his brain literally short circuited in frnt of my eyes

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** **shared a photo.**

****✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** **shared a photo.**

****

******✿** **Moonpie** **✿:** ** **shared a photo.** **

****** **

**Jams:** fuck lily

**teabagging:** "fuck, lily" or "fuck lily"

**Jams:** both is good

**teabagging:** so like, fuck (,) lily

**Jams:** sirius you know what, i finally get what you meant by you came in your pants but also your heart

******✿** **Moonpie** **✿:****** **@srs** that better have been for me -_-

* * *

**Remus' Husbando**

**regulusb:** HYUNGIE (°◡°♡).:｡

**Remus' Husbando:** What did you do, Regulus Black?

**regulusb:** pls dont be mad :(

**Remus' Husbando:** REGULUS.

**regulusb:** it's not that bad, swear!

**Remus' Husbando:** THEN STOP GIVING ME ANXIETY AND JUST SAY IT OH MY GOD

**regulusb:** should i just show you instead?

**Remus' Husbando:** Regulus, I swear to god, if you're hurt in any way, I will personally come and kill you dead.

**regulusb:**...that's kinda counterintuitive don't you think?

**Remus' Husbando:** *sharpening my knives*

**regulusb:** okay okay!!!

**regulusb:** check my instagram :)

* * *

 regularblack  
 Hogsmeade

Liked by  **Remus_Lupin, lil-e, Jams** and  **25,607 others.**

**regularblack** new hair, new me?

View all 20,404 comments.

**Remus_Lupin** i canny believe ive seen an actual angel?????

**peterp** henlo, 999? ive been attacked in my own home

**awanderingwander** i have been blessed holy shit

**adrianiscool** see? you were worried about nothing! the hair suits you so much!

**Jams** i wanna cuddle TT__TT

* * *

**Search History**

**11:04** Hair dying and rebellion - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:04** signs of rebelling in teens - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:05** Rebel with a Cause: Rebellion in Adolescence | Psychology Today [www.psychologytoday.com](http://www.psychologytoday.com)

**11:06** effects of losing parents on teenagers - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:07** effects of abandoning parents on teenagers - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:10** how to help my rebellious son - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:10** Parenting a Rebellion Child | CBN.com [www1.cbn.com](http://www1.cbn.com)

**11:15** is hair dying a big deal? - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

* * *

**Remus' Husbando**

**regulusb:** sirius?

**regulusb:** where did you go?

**regulusb:** are you really mad at me?

**regulusb:** i'll dye it back i promise please dont be mad

* * *

**Search History**

**11:17** proper reaction to someone dying their hair - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:17**   how to show someone you appreciate them - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:18**   3 Ways to Show Someone You Appreciate Them | wikiHow [www.wikihow.com](http://www.wikihow.com)

**11:20** how to be strict with your child but also love them - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:24**   effects of school bullying - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

* * *

**SQUISHEST SQUISH**

**srs:** ofc you don't have to dye them back , regulus, wth

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**  **so you're not mad?

**srs:** i am, but not about this

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** did i do something?

**srs:** i dont know, to be honest

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** um

**srs:** are you being rebellious, regs? because i can't tell

**srs:** you obviously look amazing with the new hair but is this some way of rebelling against me or like, taking your teenage angst out?

**srs:** i know you're not having the easiest time at school but i'd rather have you talk to me than do reckless things

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** what do you mean

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** im not having a hard time at school!

**srs:** regs, im your legal guardian

**srs:** i get reports of everything that's going on with you

**srs:** i know about the leah girl and i know about the bruises

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** im fine.

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** why didnt you do anything if you knew?

**srs:** bc i dont know where the line is between brother and parent!

**srs:** idk how to reach out to you when youre so intent on closing me out

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** i wasn't trying to close you out

**srs:** **shared a screenshot.**

> **Moony:** i wont i promise
> 
> **Moony:** and.....is someone still bullying you?
> 
> **Little duckie:** i dint say anything like that
> 
> **Moony:** but you mentioned problems and if thats still happening then you gotta tell someone
> 
> **Little duckie:** dont tell sirius
> 
> **Moony:** i wont but you gotta talk to someone regs
> 
> **Moony:** just tell me. give me names and i'll take care of it.
> 
> **Little duckie:** no offense but you deal with your own shit first
> 
> **Moony:** okay wow youre exta god damn prickly today

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** wow i cant believe he sold me out

**srs:** he did because he was worried

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** so did i!

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** you have enough to worry about without my things piled on top

**srs:** regs, thats ridiculous!

**srs:** youre my little brother, my only family. ofc i want to protect you and make sure you're okay. you will NEVER be a burden to me

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** i want to protect you too

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** you and remus were having such a tough time and it didnt feel right to just

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** barge in

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** with my own baggage

**srs:** bb, i always have room for your baggage.

**srs:** just talk to me about it.

**srs:** that's much easier than rebelling

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** I AM NOT REBELLING

**srs:** then did your new friends pressure you into it?

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** what??????????????????

**srs: shared a screenshot.**  

> **adrianiscool** see? you were worried about nothing! the hair suits you so much!

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** jesus, how many screenshots do you have

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** and N O, they did not pressure me. i've always wanted to dye my hair or smth but i never did

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** because psycho parents 

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** they just made me realise that i no longer had to fear anything

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** i can make my own decisions

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** and then i did it and realised that you would literally murder me

**srs:** ofc i wouldnt!!!

**srs:** anything you want to do out of your own volition is o k a y

**srs:** but nothing permanent.

**srs:** no tattoos till you're 21, you hear me?

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** legal age is 18

**srs:** and you can start thinking about it at 18

**srs:** i just don't want you to regret anything

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** are you mayhaps referring to the smiley tattooed on your buttcheek?

**srs:** NO TATTOOS TILL YOU'RE AT LEAST T W E N T Y  O N E

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** okay okay lmao

**srs:** promise me you'll always talk to me when you're having a hard time?

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** only if you do the same

**srs:** okay i promise

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** pinky promise :)

**srs:** you're adorable

**srs:** now will you tell me what happened with leah

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** *SIGHS FOR TEN BILLION YEARS*

******SQUISHEST SQUISH:****** i thought you already knew about that?

**srs:** i wanna hear your side of the story

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** its nothing too major

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** i thought she was my friend but then i heard her talking smack about me so i gave her my credit card and then reported it stolen to mcg.

**srs:** holy shit regs did you get some girl suspended for talking shit about you?

* * *

**Search History**

**11:38** is my brother evil? - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

**11:39** is evilness inheritable - Google Search [www.google.uk](http://www.google.uk)

* * *

****SQUISHEST SQUISH** **

****srs:**** im????

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** she used to bully like a bunch of kids and she said some really horrible things and used really bad slurs so i dont feel any remorse

**srs:**..................still morally questionable bb

****SQUISHEST SQUISH:**** ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** no one messes with the black brothers

**srs:** okay yeah i will accept that :))))

**srs:** and what about the bruises?

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** i had a lil smth planned for them as well but my new friends kind of...........helped out with that

**srs:** ohmy god you killed them all

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** NO????????????????????????

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** they just scared them off and thats the end of that

**srs:** okay thats better

**SQUISHEST SQUISH:** i dont understand how your brain works sometimes

**srs:** same to you

* * *

**✿**

**Moony:** i honestly dont know why you even like James

**✿:** neither do i tbh

**Moony:** he has the worst fashion sense

**✿:**????? since when do you care about fashion sense????

**Moony:** i mean look at this,

**Moony: shared a photo.**

**Moony:** what is even up with those pants?

**✿:** nhhgiudhkjn fuckubv

**Moony:** and look at those shoes!

**Moony: shared a photo.**

**Moony:** like, boi, youre literally too rich to be wearing that worn out shit

**✿:** remma stop i cant breaeathe

**Moony:** but you're missing out the worse of all of them!

**✿:** pls i beg you im not strong enough

**Moony:** look at how ugly this shirt is

**Moony: shared a photo.**

**Moony:** right?

**Moony:** lily????????

**Moony:** you there?????

**✿:** haha yeah im here lol

**✿:** ur right thats such an ugly shirt lol

**Moony:** thats two too many "lol"s in there

**✿:** hahah youre so right ahha

**✿:** lol who is she btw?

**✿:** shes really pretty lmao

**Moony:** oh, idk who she is but yeah, you're right she's beautiful

**✿:** haha yes she is

**✿:** when was this taken?

**Moony:** like, a month ago?

**✿:** oh okay haha

**✿:** hey do you know where james is right now?

**Moony:** um i think he's about to be done with his eco class

**✿:** cool haha

**✿:** could you tell sirius im borrowing his car? just need to run some erands lol

**Moony:** sure :)

* * *

****JILY WILL RISE!!** **

**Fanboy #1: shared a screenshot.**

> **✿:** hahah youre so right ahha
> 
> **✿:** lol who is she btw?
> 
> **✿:** shes really pretty lmao
> 
> **Moony:** oh, idk who she is but yeah, you're right she's beautiful
> 
> **✿:** haha yes she is
> 
> **✿:** when was this taken?
> 
> **Moony:** like, a month ago?
> 
> **✿:** oh okay haha
> 
> **✿:** hey do you know where james is right now?
> 
> **Moony:** um i think he's about to be done with his eco class
> 
> **✿:** cool haha
> 
> **✿:** could you tell sirius im borrowing his car? just need to run some erands lol
> 
> **Moony:** sure :)

**Fanboy #1:** me: appealing to Lily's jealousy monster

**imaan:** remus: a whole genius

**imaan:** im still so??? shook?? that they lied to us like that

**stay-c:** riiiight?

**stay-c:** honestly never saw it coming

**pettigrew:** lied to us about what?

**pettigrew:** wait remus why are you trying to create problems with james and lily????

**pettigrew:** you k n o w that the girl in the picture is james' cousin wtf?

**gideon:** did..................no one update peter about whats happening lmao?

**imaan:** oh my god i am crying

**stay-c:** oh baby im so sorry i thought you knew!!!!

**pettigrew:** knew what???

* * *

**we are all e m o**

**pu changed group name to "october whomst? i only know spooktober."**

**pu:** WHAT ARE WE ALL DRESSING AS?

**pu:** groUP COSTUMES????

**soft inside:** fuck no

**soft inside changed username to "dead inside."**

**dead inside:** we're all gonna show up as wonder woman and then fight each other

**cari-no:** DIBS ON WONDERWOMAN

**adrian:** FUCJKSNCMDSF I HATE YOU CARINA

**cari-no:** no you dont :*

**pu:** i think im gonna be my unproblematic queen, adele

**alcoholic:** babe show them!!!!

**pu: shared a photo.**

****

**dead inside:** gotdamn girl, you look exactly like her wtf

**pu:** thank you!!!!!

**alcoholic:** i saw a woman so beautiful i started crying? I immediately felt compelled to give her the nine dollars I had in my purse and say 'you are the best looking person i have ever seen so i think you deserve it and i was going to buy my lunch with this but whatever' but decided against it. and then i started crying. i seriously cried for an hour. i ran to the bathroom and came out later and i was even more tired before. i was overtired and btw i am a boy. i dont know why i cried because of that and she was better looking than all the models id seen ever!

** pu: **  BABE

** dead inside: **  picture me puking

** cari-no: **  oh my god  **@dead inside** is the fakest person ever. she literally coos every time you guys do somethng cute

** dead inside: **  F A K E   N E W S

** adrian: **  pls dont quote orange ballsack looking git in this sacred group chat

** cari-no: **  lmaoooooooooooooo

** dead inside: **  heartiest apologies

** adrian: **  who wants to see a picture of oliver looking like the whipdest person planet earth?

** adrian: shared a photo. **

** adrian: **   **@alcoholic** looking at  **@pu**

** cari-no: **  i hate yall <3 <3 <3

** dead inside: **  disgusting

** dead inside: **  liam payne looking ass

** pu: **  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

** pu: **  ollie you could be liam payne for halloween!!!!!!

** alcoholic: **  okay babe

** dead inside: **  wow

** adrian: **   **@regulusb** where you at

** regulusb: **  right here :)

** adrian: **  who are you going to be?

** regulusb: **  oh idk i didnt think i was going

** cari-no: **  you dont have to go if you dont want to bb

** regulusb: **  i

** regulusb: **  can i stay with you guys if i come?

** pu: **  ofc!!!

** pu: **  thats why we asked you silly!!!!!!

** regulusb: **  ohkie :)

** regulusb: **  i really like harry styles????

** dead inside: **  i can see it

** pu: **  i'll help you with the outfit!!

** regulusb: **  thank you! 

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sharen Rooney as Pooh and Nico Mirallegro as Oliver because I had an unhealthy obsession with both of them back in the days!
> 
> Okay, no one comment on my flip-flopping brain but I might not end up doing the other story. I'm so hard on myself when I'm trying to finish stories and that's really, really not healthy.
> 
> And no, this isn't the last chapter of Textually Active because I didn't want to stuff All The Things in one chapter. See you next update :)


	21. wut in the fuckening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **srs** A very happy and prosperous 2018 from my family to yours ♡

"So..." James said after a long pause.

Lily paused in her frantic typing to give James a quick smile. They had been in the car for thirty-nine minutes and ten seconds without uttering a single word to each other because Lily had been to focused on whoever she was messaging - presumably the person they were going to pick up from the airport.

"Who is this person we're picking up?" James asked, after another minute had ticked by. His ears were starting to ring from the quiet.

Lily peered at him before turning her eyes back to her screen. "Oh, just, uh, someone I know," she said, clearly distracted.

Her hands stilled on her phone and she bit at her bottom lip before she started typing at finger-break speed again.

"Yeah, I'd hope so," James replied with a scoff. "I reckon it'd be incredibly awkward if we drove all the way to the airport just to pick up someone you don't even know."

Lily didn't laugh. 

Or say anything.

James sighed.

* * *

**Internet Support Group**

**imaan:** hello friends, its been a while

**imaan: shared a photo.**

**smackdown has left "Internet Support Group."**

**Moony **has left "Internet Support Group."****

****Jams **has left "Internet Support Group."**** **

******srs **has left "Internet Support Group."**** ** **

********stay-c **has left "Internet Support Group."**** ** ** **

**imaan:** my own best friend wtf!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**pettigrew has left "Internet Support Group."**

**pettigrew has requested to join "Internet Support Group."**

**Accept / Decline**

**imaan:** well that was fast

**pettigrew: shared a photo.**

****

**pettigrew has left "Internet Support Group."**

* * *

**mis amores (⺣◡⺣)♡***

**Stacy bear:** ziyi do you want to see a beautiful man who doesn't know how to dress for hiking??

**Stacy bear: shared a GIF.**

****

**Ziyi boo:** LOOK AT HIS EYES

**Ziyi boo: shared a GIF.**

**Ziyi boo:** me: shook and confused as to how a single man can be so beautiful

 **Stacy bear:** you: unbelievably and effortlessly beautiful

 **Petiepie:** aksjdhkf gayyyyyyyyyyyyy

 **Ziyi boo:** (•ө•)♡

 **Ziyi boo:** are you guys having fun hiking???

 **Stacy bear:** yes!!!!!! its so nice and green and relaxinggggg

**Stacy bear: shared a photo.**

**Stacy bear:** look at that view!!!

**Ziyi boo: shared a photo.**

****

**Ziyi boo:** not prettier than mineeeeeeee

 **Ziyi boo:** while you're both out there getting all sweaty and gross

 **Ziyi boo:** I'm in here eating good food and googling polyamory to educate myself

 **Petiepie:** Ziyi, no

 **Stacy bear:** BABY NO STOP

 **Ziyi boo:**??????? its good food, i swear

 **Petiepie:** NOT THAT

 **Stacy bear:** DONT GOOGLE IT I'LL SEND YOU TONS OF RELIABLE SOURCES DONT JUST RANDOMLY GOOGLE IT

 **Petiepie:** ziyi???

 **Stacy bear:** you htere?????

 **Petiepie:** oh my god she DEAD

 **Ziyi boo:** g-guys

 **Stacy bear:** oh no

 **Ziyi boo:** explain what we're doing wrong if this is polyamory

**Ziyi boo: shared a photo.**

****

**Stacy bear:** oh mY GODIJKNCAMSc

 **Petiepie:** am i high or does the guy in the middle have legit horns on his head????

 **Ziyi boo:** We Are All Doomed Children Of Satan

 **Stacy bear:** tag yourself, im the guy casually pulling on the girls underwear to look inside 

* * *

srs  
London

 

Liked by **Remus_Lupin, lily__, jimjams and 20,304 others.**

 **srs** with both the loves of my life ♡

View all 9,028 comments.

 **Remus_Lupin** i cant believe you love elvendork as much as me

 **srs** baby..............pls

* * *

James genuinely loved being in the arrivals section of the airport. He loved watching people be reunited, loved the tears and the laughs. It made him all warm inside to know how much people cared for each other, reminded him of the seed of goodness inside every human.

But watching Lily anxiously bite at her lip for the last half an hour was getting tiring.

"I-" he started, stopping when Lily's wild eyes settled on him. He didn't know who they were picking up at the airport, had no idea what the person meant to Lily and why they were driving  _the_ Lily Evans so nervous. He was also a little ashamed to admit that he was slightly jealous of how much of an impact this mysterious person seemed to have on Lily. 

He raised his hands in front of him in what he hoped was a placating manner, oddly feeling like he was dealing with a fidgety horse rather than an actualised adult. "I just think it would be helpful if you told me what flight we are waiting on so I can check whether or not it has landed yet," James said, trying to smile. "We've been waiting for half an hour now."

"I-I already checked," Lily said, voice a couple notes higher than usual. "The-It should land in a couple minutes."

"Yes," James said cautiously, "and that's exactly what you told me fifteen minutes ago, and half an hour ago as well. I guess just don't get why you won't just tell me."

Lily gulped audibly, chugging water from her bottle and turned away from him without answering.

James sighed, running his hands through his unruly hair.

He had been to two three hour lectures and then driven straight to the airport and he was tired and hungry and kind of verging on insane-

"There's no one," Lily said suddenly and James frowned. Her eyes were downturned and her face was as red as her hair.

"I...I'm sorry?"

"No one's coming," Lily explained, briefly meeting his gaze before resolutely staring at his feet again.

"Coming where?"

"Here...There's no flight..."

The red was spreading to her forehead.

"You...I don't get it," James said, and he sounded irritated. "You dragged me here straight from classes with no god damn explanation,  _didn't even let me grab McDonalds,_ to do  _what_ , exactly?"

"I-I am..." She took a step towards him and then stepped back again. A sigh and another step forward till she was close enough to take James' warm hands in her own clammy ones. 

The irritation inside James sputtered and died at the contact, quickly getting replaced with concern.

What if it was Lily who was leaving? What if she had realised how James actually felt for her and decided to run for the hills? Fuck, were they breaking up without even having been together? Was this her trying to let him down easy? Where was her luggage? Was she so desperate to get away from him that she didn't even bother packing a bag?

"I think I might..." Lily whispered, stopping to swallow down the fear she felt clawing at her throat. She took a deep breath and finally looked at James. "I have never felt this nervous before. Not when I came to Hogwarts for the first time and realised I would never fit in, not when my sister started ripping herself away from me, not when I ran away from home - I am  _Lily Evans,_ for fuck's sake. I never feel like this. B-But something about you makes me feel like my knee caps are trying to slip down to my ankles."

"That...is gross," James said with a wrinkled nose.

Lily huffed out a laugh and squeezed James' fingers between hers. "I'm not a very romantic person and I don't-I don't know how we would work, i-if we  _were_ to try this."

James' eyes widened as he realised where this was going. "What the fuck are you saying right now."

Lily grinned. "I'm not a very romantic person," she repeated, "but I promise I will try. And this is me trying." She let James' hands fall limply to his sides as she dragged him into a hug, chests pressed together till they could feel each other's racing hearts. " I’m sorry I can’t take you inside because I am poor and can't buy tickets just to make a point. But here is me giving you your rom-com airport scene. Don’t go, James. Stay here. Stay with me. Because I love you and I’d like you to stay.”

An empty exhale and James was laughing. He hugged Lily back, uncaring of the tears in his eyes. "Fuck, you're so perfect," he whispered and Lily smiled against his neck. "And fucking  _of course._ Of course, I'll stay. I'll stay with you forever."

* * *

** we are all e m o **

** regulusb:  ** i have someting to ask

 ** dead inside: **  stop

 ** cari-no:  ** ??? its been 20 minutes? can the poor boy just ask his thing?

 ** adrian:  ** its been 25 minutes

 ** dead inside: **  sorry, i was pooping

 ** dead inside: **  you have my attention now regs

 ** regulusb: **  okay but you all have to promise not to get mad

 ** alcoholic: **  promise

 ** dead inside: **  ye

 ** adrian: **  promise

 ** cari-no: **  promiseee

** pu: shared a photo. **

** **

** regulusb:  ** okay so liejsf,nc

 ** regulusb: **  d o you bully people?

**cari-no:** fuck no, what even???

**regulusb:** i dont wanna be friends with you guys if youre bullies. i saw how scared those gryffindors were of you.

**pu:** they weren't scared because we're going around beating people up. wtf??

**regulusb:** then why?

** regulusb: **  because you all are really small and i dont see any other reason why anyone would be so terrified of you

 ** dead inside: **  first of all,,,, low blow, fuck you

 ** regulusb: **  (every blow is a low blow for you all because you're that s m a l l, tiny, precious b a b i e s)

 ** dead inside: **  you little shit

**adrian:** its because we have tattoos

**regulusb:** okay? and what does that have anything to do with anything??

**cari-no:** oh my god, youre so precious.

**dead inside:** regs, most people think people with tattoos and piercings and hair like this are good for nothing rebels looking for a fight.

**regulusb:** but youre not like that at all!

**dead inside:** i know, but they dont know that. we dont do anything. they just look at us and theyre scared. 

**regulusb:** tahts stupid.

** regulusb: **  so..........................thats it?

 ** regulusb: **  lmao

 ** dead inside: **  -_-

 ** dead inside: **  i was so nervous about what you were going to ask and then it turns out to be this

 ** regulusb: **  oOoOoOoOhHhhHhHhHh did i make Yvonne worried?????????????

 ** regulusb: **  is Yvonne admitting that she does in fact have a HeArT?

 ** cari-no: **  and actual fEeLiNgS?

 ** dead inside: **  fuck all of you honestly i dont know why i put up with any of you

 ** pu: **  because you LOOOOOOOOOOOVE us

 ** alcoholic: **  and you WOOOOOOORRY about us

 ** adrian: **  and you CAAAAAAAAAARE about us

 ** dead inside: **  actually,,, i only care about pooh. the rest of you can lick my entire ass.

 ** regulusb: **  THAS GROSS AHSCKJNMA

 ** dead inside: **  slorp slorp

* * *

**JILY WILL RISE!!**

**Fanboy #1:** BREAKING: James P. spotted making out with Lily E. on a public date where they were definitely not followed by Sirius B. and Remus L.

**Fanboy #1: shared a photo.**

 

 **imaan:** i am-

 **imaan:** sirius what have you done to remus?

 **imaan:** he has lost all morals!

 **stay-c:** she says as she dances in joy -_-

 **imaan:** donT EXPOSE ME!!@!

 **regulusb:** YAS MY PARENTS!!!!!!! (ΘεΘʃƪ)

 **Fanboy #1:** excUSE ME??

 **Fanboy #1:** I had to beg for five minutes of pretend parenting but you just accept these incompetent mess of humans as your parents without a second thought??

 **regulusb:** jajsjjsjs im sorry dad

**regulusb: shared a photo.**

****

**regulusb:** pls forgive me :(((

 **Fanboy #1:** haahhhhhhhhhhusahkjcn okay bb, I lob you, here have my heart 

 **pettigrew:** hhhhhhh a bun

 **pettigrew:** a freshly baked warm bun

 **pettigrew:** a baby bun

 **stay-c:** thank you regs, you broke my boyfriend

 **srs:** did you just fucking call my brother bread????

 **pettigrew:** i wanna kiss his lil nose and his lil cheeks ueschkj

 **srs:** i-i am confusious

 **srs:** is he insulting him or???

 **gideon:** my hort.........she weak </3

* * *

** We Dem Bois **

**(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i know i don't say it very often, but i really love mr remus john lupin.

 **teabagging:** """"""""i don't say it very often''''''"""""""""""""""""

 **teabagging:** the 100000 screenshots in my wolfstar folder beg to differ???

 **Jams:** you literally woke him up with 10 balloons and 100 roses today while wearing red speedos that read "Lupin's property" on the ass and serenaded him 

 **Jams:** i think youre good mate

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** anyway,,,,,,, back to me

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** i love remus john lupin and i don't think i do enough to show it

 **teabagging:** for his birthday, you bought him land on the moon. 

 **Jams:** when he was upset about his grades, you gave him a lap dance. in front of all of us. and my parents. and my fucking cat.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** so to commemorate my love for remus john lupin, i have made a meme that represents the affection and adoration i hold in my heart

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

****

****✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** i................................

****✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿: shared a photo.****

****** **

********✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:******** Get here.

**(ᵔᴥᵔ): shared a photo.**

**Jams:** i cant fucking believe you used that ancient ass meme wtf i trusted you pads

 **teabagging:** THATS your concern???????

 **teabagging:** not the fact that remus wants to bang because srs made a meme of him????????????????

 **Jams:** which is the bigger crime here, pete?

 **teabagging:** the answer is obvious, but definitely not to you

 **teabagging:** so lets put this up for vote

 **Jams:** whos gonna vote now peter????/ wolfstar has fucked off to fuck

 **teabagging:** oh ye lmao nvm

 **Jams:** god, im leaving this house

 **Jams:** what are they so fucking loud for?

* * *

"Like this?" Sirius asked, crooking his fingers till Remus was arching off the bed.

"Y-Yes," Remus whimpered, fingers grasping desperately at Sirius' arm. "Slower, Sirius."

"Right, sorry," Sirius said, worrying his lip.

"No, you're okay, it's okay," Remus said, panting as he smiled. He reached a hand out till Sirius got the clue and leant forward to kiss Remus.

Remus brought his hand up to caress the wrinkles out of Sirius' eyebrows, giving him a grin. "Stop worrying, silly. This is supposed to be fun."

Sirius reddened, whining. "I just want this to be good for you," he said, embarrassed.

"And it is! It's so, so, so good for me," he answered honestly. "But if you're so worried, it makes me want to stop."

Sirius froze, doe eyes wide. "D-Do you want to stop?"

"Not in the least," Remus replied with an easy smile. "But I want us both to be comfortable and relaxed, yeah?"

Sirius sighed, leaning sideways to kiss Remus' knee just because it was closest. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm just way in my head right now."

"You're also inside my arse and I would really appreciate if we got to it," Remus said, laughing.

That finally got an amused huff out of Sirius. "Yeah, that was weird - talking with my fingers inside you," he said, experimentally moving and freezing again when Remus keened and arched off the mattress.

 _"Fuck,_ why are you so effortlessly good at it?" Remus mumbled, stomach in knots already.

"That was a good moan?"

"That was a  _very_ fucking good, absolutely mind-numbing moan," Remus promised. His breaths were laboured and there was something about his slightly open and gasping mouth that had Sirius hypnotised. "And it's gonna turn into insane screaming if you don't fucking  _do_ something."

Agitated, Remus thrust himself back onto Sirius' fingers, thighs working to push and pull till the thrum of pleasure was back in his veins.

"So impatient," Sirius laughed, leaning down to kiss his way up Remus' stomach.

* * *

**Sirius' fanboying centre**

**srs: hello friends**

**Jams:** all fucked out, i suppose?

 **Jams:** WHY are you so LOUD what is WRONG with you

 **Jams:** i could hear you THROUGH the NOISE CANCELLING headphones

 **Jams:** and WHAT THE FUCK were you doing to remus????? did you turn him into a fucking banshee?

 **pettigrew:** are you honestly not even going to let him rant about the mind blowing sex he just had?

 **pettigrew:** are you honestly going to steal his thunder in his own chat?

 **pettigrew:** let the boy be dumb and in love

 **srs:** yes thank you peter my only friend

 **Jams:** fuck you

 **srs:** im already all fucked out (つ▀¯▀)つ

 **srs:** **shared a GIF.**

**srs:** and am also in love

 **srs:** god what a beautiful man

 **srs:** ughsjdvbnmc i love him :(((

 **pettigrew:** he really is so beautiful

 **pettigrew:** what are you both doing now

 **srs:** were on a date uwu

 **srs:** hes all shy and blushy because i keep telling him i love him :((

 **srs:** guys, i know i joke around a lot and I am now going to use proper grammar so you realise the gravity of the situation.

 **srs:** Life is so tumultuous and I know what I have right now, the peace I feel right now is temporary. I have you guys and I have Remus and I finally have Reggy Weggy all to myself and I feel so incredibly happy that I know that even if I am forced to face obstacles harder than the ones I've already faced, I will not be afraid. Because I have all of you.

 **srs:** I know without a doubt that whatever comes next will not be bigger than what I have with all of you. Nothing, no obstacle, no pain will ever be greater than the love I feel for all of you.

 **srs:** I also know that if there is anyone I want with me through everything that comes, good and bad, it is Remus. 

 **srs:** God, I love him so much and so hard, it feels like my emotions are too big for my body and this entire universe. He is so incredibly kind. He's been through so much and he is still so kind and generous and positive. He gives me the strength to keep going on with my head held high.

 **srs:** I just hope I can be the one to give him courage to keep going despite the fear and sadness he feels sometimes. Even if I am a quarter of what he is to me, I will be happy.

 **srs:** God, I just want to keep him forever.

 **pettigrew:** i am crying

 **Jams:** when the sex so bomb, it makes you emo

 **srs:** and here i was laying my heart out to yall -_-

 **Jams:** baby you said nothing i didnt already know

 **Jams:** but here's my little piece: you're my brother, blood be damned. and i will love you come heaven or hell. i dont need to write you an essay for you to understand because we're fucking soulmates and we know without words how much we mean to each other.

 **Jams:** and where wolfstar is concerned, ive said this before and i'll say it again. you are characters in an erotica that someone wrote only bc they wanted to make a couple pennies with raunchy sex but the characters get stolen by a fandom and they write a multiverse of stories - you meet in every universe and fall in love and live happily ever after, just like its meant to be.

 **pettigrew:**....you have never said that before and i pray to god that you never repeat it again for the sake of my fucking sanity

 **pettigrew:** that literally made no sense at all

 **pettigrew:** why tf did they even start off as an erotica?

 **Jams:** um?? were you not at hogwarts during the pre-wolfstar era????? did you not feel the sexual tension???

 **srs:** jams,,,,, i....am so touchedt

 **srs:** that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me oh god

 **pettigrew:** i dont know why i put up with either of you

* * *

  **Freckle Head**

 **Jams:** lick lick lick lick

 **Freckle Head:** i want to eat yO DICK

 **Jams:** BUT I CANT FUCK UP MY NAILS

 **Freckle Head:** SO IMMA PICK IT UP WITH CHOPSTICKS

**Jams: shared a photo.**

****

**Jams:** when you finally find your soulmate :')

 **Freckle Head:** um, lmao back up i dont want to fight srs for the spot

 **Jams:** I AM OFFENDED

 **Jams:** you wouldn't even fight serious for me????????? i really thought i'd mean more to you than that

 **Freckle Head:** lmao no you were miss steaken

 **Freckle Head:** jmaes?

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

**Freckle Head:**  did you just block your own girlfriend???

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

**Freckle Head:** oh mygiuhsdf im sorry pls come back :(

_**Message not delivered. Try again?** _

* * *

**Sirius' fanboying centre**

**srs:**..............should I even ask........

 **Jams:** bruh, fr i get that you're all emo and poetic right now but youre on a d a t e with the l o v e of your l i f e

 **Jams:** stop texting and get smooching!!!

 **srs:** Okay, I'm going to ask.

 **pettigrew:** why are you still typing like that

 **srs:** Because I'm Remus and Sirius is in the bathroom.

 **Jams:** OHKDJNCmdS I CANT REMOVE SIRISU BECAUSE HES THE ADMIN KJCNS

 **Jams:** SERIOUS IM SORRY I TRIED IM SORRY BABY

 **pettigrew:** remmy,,,you might not wanna read the older messages......

 **srs:** Oh.

 **Jams:** he read everything didnt he

 **srs:** Why would you guys try to hide that from me? 

 **srs:** That's........I feel a lot right now.

 **Jams:** we're just trying to fulfill serious' wishes

 **pettigrew:** he didnt want you to find out how whipped he is for you

 **srs:**.....He got a smiley face tattooed on his buttcheek because drunk me asked him to when we were fourteen....

 **pettigrew:** we know

 **Jams:** trust me, we fucking k n o w

 **srs:** Okay, I'm going to delete these messages and he never has to find out that I Know, aight?

 **srs:** Whatever makes him happy, I guess.

 **srs:** STOP SCREENSHOTTING EVERYTHING PETE I GET NOTIFICATIONS YOU KNOW??????

 **srs:** also, james why is lily texting srs to come fight her??? for soulmate rights??? wtf???

 **Jams:** oh my god, I love her

 **pettigrew:** why are you on sirius' phone anyway?

 **srs:** He asked me to delete his older messages because it's too cluttered.

 **Jams:** that boy trusts so easy

 **srs:** Once you've eaten someone's ass, there is nothing left to hide from each other.

 **Jams:** -Saint Remus Lupin (28 December, 2017)

 **srs:** okay hes coming back im deleting byeeeeeee

* * *

**Regulus Black**

**Leah:** youre such a fucking bitch for what you did

 **Leah:** what? couldnt even face me?? had to get mcgonagall do you biding?

 **Leah:** you and your brother are the lowest of low

 **Leah:** and dont think for a moment this is the end, baby

 **Leah:** i will fuck you up

**regulusb: shared a photo.**

**regulusb:** i WiLl FuCk YoU uP

* * *

**Remus' Husbando**

**regulusb: shared a screenshot.**  

> **Leah:** youre such a fucking bitch for what you did
> 
> **Leah:** what? couldnt even face me?? had to get mcgonagall do you biding?
> 
> **Leah:** you and your brother are the lowest of low
> 
> **Leah:** and dont think for a moment this is the end, baby
> 
> **Leah:** i will fuck you up

**Remus' Husbando:** wtf

 **Remus' Husbando:** do you want me to report this to the police?

 **regulusb:** omg noooo i showed it to you for giggles

 **regulusb:** she cant do anything to me

 **Remus' Husbando:** you sure bb?

 **regulusb:** yuppie!

 **regulusb:** i can deal with her.

 **Remus' Husbando:** okay then...

 **Remus' Husbando:** regs?

 **regulusb:** srs?

 **Remus' Husbando:** im really proud of you

 **regulusb:** aw geez

 **regulusb:** im prouder of you

* * *

**We Dem Bois**

**Jams:** its been such a wild year

 **Jams:** and we're all gonna have someone to kiss at midnight tonight

 **teabagging:** hell yiss

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** WE MADE IT GANG and all in one piece

 ** **✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** I'm so emotional today.

 **teabagging:** good emotional or bad emotional?

 ** **✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** Very good emotional.

 ** **✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** I'm just...really proud of how far we've all come and how much we've achieved and how much we've overcome.

 **teabagging:** aw babe :')

 **teabagging:** its going to be my first new year without all of you so i feel kinda off tbh

 **Jams:** pete noooo!

 **Jams:** when you show genuine emotions without sarcasm i feel really clueless as to what to do so stahp

 ** **✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** I miss you a lot, Petie :(

 ** **✿**   **Moonpie**   **✿:**** It's not Marauders if we're not all there.

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** im so glad the fate worked out in our favour and brought us all together

 **(ᵔᴥᵔ):** bc i can honestly say life wouldnt be  _nearly_ as exciting without you all in it

 **teabagging:** :(

 **teabagging:** lets talk happy things 

 **Jams:** happy things like asking you to come open the door?

 **teabagging:** who are you talking t

 **teabagging:** why is someone knocking on my door at 11:55pm

 **teabagging:** why is someone screaming noodle dude outside my door

 **teabagging:** areyo u guys

* * *

srs  
London

Liked by **Remus_Lupin, peterp, im_imaan** and **16,003 others.**

 **srs** A very happy and prosperous 2018 from my family to yours ♡

View all 12,281 comments.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a wild ride, indeed. Thank you for sticking around!
>
>> tumblr: **[@punkrockprofessor](http://punkrockprofessor.tumblr.com)**


End file.
